Madison Gay Pride: Send in the Freaks!

Rainbow_flag_and_blue_skies

I swear to God, I don’t plan this stuff out. I’m like the Joker: I just do things. Every other day, I turn a corner and get smacked in the face with something weird, stupid or both.

Like a gay pride parade.

Last Sunday, I was walking back to my place after polishing off a delicious Bombers’ burger and authentic Wisconsin cheese curds (PROTIP: don’t leave Madison without eating at Bombers) when I noticed the 100 block of State Street was blocked off by police. Intrigued, I turned the corner onto the Capitol Square and was immediately confronted with a “HOMO SEX IS SIN” sign… along with a sea of rainbow flags.

How faaaabulous.

Truck full of drag queens. Most of the action was happening on the west end of the Square, by the entrance to State Street.

“Gay and Gray”? These guys missed a great pun: “G(r)ay Pride!” Amirite?

Tammy Baldwin campaign volunteers. Baldwin is kind of a Big Deal in Madison because she’s both a lesbian and the long-time Congresswoman from the Madison area. If elected, she’ll be only the second LGBT senator after Hillary Clinton (kidding, kidding). After the parade was done, I coaxed a campaign sticker out of a morose fat dyke at Baldwin’s campaign kiosk; she complimented me on my T-shirt, which read “I Got Out of Bed for This?”

Bagpipers. I got nothing.

Another trailer full of crazy. I’ll never understand the psychology of these people.

Remember homos, Jesus still loves you.

No gay pride parade is complete without a platoon of oiled-up, Speedo-clad men thrusting their pelvises in your face.

Just when you thought this parade had too much G, here comes the L to restore balance to the universe.

Do I really need to describe these pictures? They speak for themselves.

See what I mean? Nothing to say.

Another church that’s given in to the Pink Mafia.

The Homestead High Gay/Straight Alliance! The future of America, folks.

The grand finale, another truck full of gyrating hormone therapy experiments of indeterminate sex.

The anti-gay protesters I mentioned earlier, being mobbed by queers. I always love the passive-aggressive way gays pull this off at pride parades. It’s almost like they’re daring the Christians to throw a punch so they can run crying to the teacher police in traditional bully fashion: “He started it!” And don’t try and claim that gays were some kind of oppressed minority at the Capitol Square; the number of Christian protesters that day could be counted on one hand. Gays cry about persecution, but the minute they taste even a little bit of power, they become bullies themselves, preying on the weak and powerless with sociopathic glee (see: Dan Savage).

Things were getting wrapped up around this point, so I beat feet for home. I can’t say I learned anything from this adventure, other than that this trip is just going to keep getting weirder.

Read Next: Notes from the Road: Madison, Wisconsin is the Coolest City on Earth

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  • http://holzbauerjames@hotmail.com RevJames

    Yeah that was really one big “shout of love” you puked out on the internet with this piece Matt.