We Are Free

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This is a guest post by Tim.

It’s marvelous to live in a free country!

Let’s go through my day and give thanks for being so free!

I woke up in a house.

The house was free to be built with stairs so long as they are at least 36″ wide. It was free to be built near a road, so long as it was not too close to the road. It was free to be built with bedrooms, so long as each bedroom has at least two means of egress. It was free to be built with plumbing, so long as the plumber belonged to a union. I am free to live here, so long as I freely pay the property taxes…

Then I took a shower.

The shower was free to be built in a factory, so long as the factory meets all OSHA requirements. The factory was free to employ workers, so long as they are all paid at least the minimum wage. The workers are free to work all day, up to eight hours, after which they are free to receive one-and-a-half times their standard rate of pay and so long as they get a break for lunch, plus another fifteen minute break. The factory is free to continue building, so long as it freely pays its taxes, and deducts its employees Social Security benefits from their paychecks…

The factory was free to use any raw materials, so long as they meet the environmental regulations, and so long as all raw materials that came from out of the country have freely paid the tariffs…

Then I ate breakfast.

The cereal was free to be made out of any ingredient, so long as it is approved by the FDA. The ingredients are free to be anything, and the cereal makers were free to use corn syrup rather than sugar, because out-of-country sugar manufacturers freely pay exorbitant tariffs…

The milk is free to be any kind of milk, so long as it is freely pasteurized and homogenized. The cows that the milk came from were free to live anywhere so long as they live in freely designed pastures and barns that meet all animal cruelty regulations…

The organic eggs were free to be any kind of eggs, so long as the farm meets all of the legal requirements for being called organic….

And all of the food was free to have the nutrition information and ingredients labeled on it, so long as it is done in the way required by law…

Then I drove to my hunting property.

The car was free to be any shape, so long as the headlights still work after a five MPH collision, and so long as any pedestrians hit will be minimally damaged, and so long as the middle taillight is at least a certain height above the other two…

The car is free to get any gas mileage, so long as it is more than the CAFE minimum. The car is free to use any kind of gas, so long as (in certain places) the gas has at least 10% ethanol. The ethanol manufacturers get gifts of free money to produce it from our generous government. The car is free to improve its emissions in any way, so long as they meet the local emission requirements, and is tested yearly, and the cleaning includes an oxygen sensor, and a catalytic converter…

I am free to own any car, so long as I pay the sales tax, pay the license plate fee, pay the title transfer fee, have a drivers’ license,  have car insurance…

I drove a ways down the road.

The road can be traveled at no cost to me because it was paid for, and maintained (allegedly) by the government! I was free to drive any speed so long as my speed was less than the posted limit. I was free to pass other cars anywhere I wanted, so long as my passing was done at designated places…

I stopped at a store on the way.

The store was free to stay, so long as it determined the taxes that it freely pays by GAAP. The store was free to have any number of parking spaces so long as some at the front are designated for state determined handicapped people…

Then I went to my hunting property.

I am free to own any property, so long as I pay the property taxes on it. I am free to build anything on it that I like, so long as I get a building permit, and approval from the neighborhood. I am free to make any improvements to the land, so long as I get approval from the Department of Natural Resources…

And I went hunting.

I am free to hunt some animals, so long as they are in season, and the correct weapon type is used, and I have a valid hunting license…

I am free to wear any color of clothing that I want, so long as it is 40% or more orange.  I am free to not wear a hat, so long as if I do it is orange. I am free to wear a backtag, so that I can be identified by the DNR if I break any law…

I didn’t shoot anything on this day, but I went to a bar later to celebrate living in a free country.

The bar was freely open to all customers, so long as they do not smoke inside, and are at least 21 years old, and are not carrying a concealed firearm, and pay the sales tax…

Isn’t it great to live in a “free” country?

Tim blogs at Spootville.

Read Next: Gimme, Gimme, Gimme

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