Here’s a fun fact to brighten your day: fat girls are crazy. No, really: scientists have established a link between obesity and all kinds of mental illness, from anxiety to psychiatric disorders. And the reason why I say “fat girls” and not “fat people” is because women in general already have much higher rates of mental illness than men; a full 25 percent of American girls are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
The mystery of the fat acceptance movement, explained!
Actually, no; calling it “fat acceptance” is so misleading it borders on being an outright lie. A more accurate name would be “fat woman acceptance.” The membership of NAAFA is overwhelmingly female, and virtually all the “body positive” porn blogs on Tumblr are run by women. Can you name one male fat acceptance advocate? No you can’t, but you can rattle off a list of woman fat acceptance activists until the cows waddle home: Kate Harding, Melissa McEwan, Lindy West, Kira Nerusskaya…
The reason why no man would dare to advocate for fat acceptance is because nobody likes whiny, weak men, and crying about how the world needs to “accept” you is the definition of being whiny and weak. If a man were to complain about being overweight, the instinctive response—from both men and women—is to tell him to stop being a fag and get in the gym. But when a woman claims she’s oppressed by evil patriarchal beauty standards, women swarm around her in solidarity and the male chivalrous instinct is activated: “Those men are all sexist bastards, you’re too good for them. Here, have another cupcake.”
But I’m not here to complain; I’m here to help make the world a better place.
Here are several steps we can take that, if implemented by enough men, will end the scourge of obesity in record time.
1. Stop banging them.
We’ve all slept with a warpig at one point or another—breaking a dry spell, lured in by her massive double-Ds—and this is the single biggest thing that ensures their continued existence. Because girls today are solipsistic and think men and women are the same, they look at guys hitting on and taking home porkers and think, “Wow, guys will sleep with girls no matter what they look like!” They don’t realize that while most men will lay anything if they’re thirsty enough, they are far more selective when it comes to who they commit to. Fatties may get some sloppy, drunk sex from men, at the cost of being less likely to find love or a relationship with a man they respect.
Life as a fat girl is effectively short-term pleasure, long-term pain.
But again, girls don’t see this because this pain unfolds over years, beyond the 140-character limit attention span of today’s youth. Therefore, the easiest way to drive the point home is to stop validating fat chicks with your dick. If you have a choice between banging a cow or masturbating, go home and jerk off every time, and make it clear to the cow that you’re rejecting her because she’s fat. Not only will this make it clear to oinkers that they’ll need to slim down if they want to please us, it will bolster our self-respect at the same time. Slumming it is inherently damaging to a man’s self-esteem and confidence; by abstaining from porking fatsos, you’re making it easier to snag girls you actually find hot.
2. Don’t interact with fat girls.
Women, regardless of size, crave one thing above all else: attention. Starve the heifers of it. Don’t speak to them if you don’t have to and don’t acknowledge their existence. Treat them like you would treat a child molester or a card-carrying Nazi. This includes your family; if your sisters, cousins or aunts insist on being losers, treat them like losers.
The lone exception is fat girls who are making an honest effort to cut the weight; not only should you encourage them, you should make it clear that their weight loss is the primary reason why you’re still talking to them.
But given the rising obesity rate, totally cutting the swine out of your life is impossible, so on the off-chance you have no choice but to talk to a fatty, you should always…
3. Remind fat girls that they are vermin.
This isn’t hard seeing as it’s the truth. Leftists and feminists labor under the delusion that character traits each exist in a vacuum. “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” A complete lie: nine times out of ten, ugly on the outside equals ugly on the inside, and fat girls are the ugliest of all.
3a. Fat girls are stupid.
A popular lie that the fat woman acceptance movement pushes is that skinny people are somehow “shallow” or dumb. The reality is the reverse: the dumbest people in America are also the fattest. The racial group with the highest obesity rate, blacks, is also the one with the lowest average IQ; Asians have the lowest obesity rate and the highest IQ. The kinds of white people who are overweight or obese are the lowest achieving ones: rednecks, trailer park dwellers and Juggalos. Go to Wall Street, Ithaca’s Collegetown, the Chicago Loop or anywhere else that successful, smart people gather: not a single fatso to be seen, aside from tourists.
3b. Fat girls are unpleasant.
Fatties are some of the most miserable and cruel people you’ll ever meet. Newbies to the game make the mistake of thinking that fat girls will be nicer than hot ones; logically, since they’re so much more hideous than normal women, porkers ought to be grateful that any man is talking to them at all. Instead, these blobs of butter are meaner than thin ones: they’re more snide, more likely to spout feminist rhetoric, and more likely to be insulting in general.
As a case example, take this Tumblelog (NSFW) authored by a “fat identified college student living in Portland, Oregon,” charmingly titled Go Away. Her blog is full of the usual profanity-laden rage against “fascist beauty standards,” but she also reserves a heaping helping of hatred for people who support her. Whenever a girl messages her telling her that she inspires them because she loves herself, she tells them to go fuck themselves because she thinks they’re indirectly calling her a fat pig. She also penned this bitter screed against “chubby chasers”:
You should probably take “fat female appreciator” out of your bio. It’s cool that you can accept non-conventional beauty but fetishizing fat women and thinking of it as a personality trait worth mentioning in just the few sentences you shared about yourself is definitely creepy and is generally regarded as pretty fatphobic and honestly kind of misogynistic in general. Just like..commodifying members of a marginalized group is kind of shitty.
Also, despite her opposition to “body policing,” she’s all too happy to “content police” other Tumbleloggers who post pics of skinny white women. Boy, don’t you just want to be her friend?
3c. Fat girls are sluts.
This shouldn’t surprise anyone with a brain, but fat women have more sexual partners on average than thin ones. The same lack of impulse control that would lead a girl to stuff her face until she resembles a wad of pizza dough would also lead her to stuff her vagina with cocks until her gunt is oozing with herpes sores. But remember, judging people on how they look is wrong.
3d. Fat mothers are guilty of child abuse.
Not even considering the fact that fat mothers encourage their children to become fat by feeding them terrible diets—setting them up for a lifetime of health problems and social rejection—they actually cripple their children before they’re even born. Babies born to obese or overweight women are exponentially more likely to have life-ruining health and mental issues, including autism.
And yet, not only are fat mothers not shamed for being child abusers, there’s an entire industry dedicated to excusing women who get fat as a result of pregnancy.
The reason why women are urged to avoid drinking while pregnant is because alcohol causes physical and mental damage to unborn babies, aka fetal alcohol syndrome. Why should we treat fat pregnant women any different? Why isn’t Child Protective Services, so adept at punishing little boys who bite their Pop Tarts into the shape of a gun, busting down the doors of these blubberbutts and carting their kids off?
Will somebody please think of the children?
The people who claim that fat shaming doesn’t work make my head spin. Of course shaming works. Ever wonder how Chinese and Korean girls stay so skinny? It’s not because of genetics, it’s because if they gain so much as five extra pounds, their parents will snicker and call them “fatty” to their faces. A friend of mine told me when she was a kid, her father successfully guilted her mother into losing her post-pregnancy fat by constantly drawing attention to it, mentioning how she was getting “hefty” and “big.” She later confessed to my friend that she stayed skinny because her husband’s teasing made her feel embarrassed and humiliated.
To this day, she’s thin and in great shape for a woman of her age, while the women of her daughter’s generation are wearing fat-ass Docker pants because they couldn’t keep their hands off the croissants and the Haagen-Dazs.
I am a man with a dream: to live in a nation where the majority of women are thin and fit, as it was throughout most of human history. With your help, that day can come again. Men of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your lunch!
Read Next: Fat Acceptance is the Future
If you enjoyed this post, then you'll like Big Lovin', my satirical guide that teaches you how to pick up and bang fat girls. It explains what you need to have before you go chubby chasing, where to find fat chicks, and how to woo them with your culinary talents, among other things. Click here to learn more.