This is an excerpt from my book Big Lovin’: The Guide to Picking Up Fat Chicks.
You have the BBW section of YouPorn bookmarked. You can’t shop at Walmart or dine at all-you-can-eat buffets because you’re tired of having to wash pre-cum stains out of your shorts afterwards. The smell of Burger King grease practically gives you an orgasm.
It’s time to come out of the closet: you’re a chubby chaser.
There’s no shame in it. As countless historians have noted, prior to our fatphobic modern era, fat was considered the beauty ideal because it connotated wealth and prestige. Painters such as Peter Paul Rubens celebrated curvier gals in their artwork. The fact that the overwhelming majority of artwork and glamor photography throughout history depicts skinny women means nothing, because as we all know, generalizations are wrong and the existence of a single exception to a rule disproves the rule.
Additionally, the idea that skinniness equals healthiness has been debunked. Numerous studies funded by McDonald’s and Monsanto have shown that fat people live just as long as their twig- like counterparts. In fact, being skinny can be life-threatening; eight million Americans–a full 2.5 percent of the population–suffer from anorexia or bulimia. Anorexia kills 150 people in the U.S. every year, a mere fraction of the percentage of those who die from heart disease or diabetes, but um, er… there’s nothing wrong with being fat!
And there’s nothing wrong with liking fat girls. I know because I used to be in denial. I used to pretend that flat tummies, shapely asses and odorless vaginas were what turned me on. Whenfat girls were humiliated or insulted in front of me, I cowardly left them to suffer in silence. I kept my fetish under wraps, shamefully jerking off to plus-size porn stars like Devyn Devine or Nikki Santana after dark.
I first realized I was a FA (fat admirer) when I was in junior high. When I was in seventh grade, I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up after school one day when I saw a group of eighth-graders making fun of a girl named Vanessa. I secretly wanted to jump her bones; she had a luscious roll of doughy flesh around her stomach, thunder thighs like racks of lamb, and a balcony so big you could do Shakespeare from it. And she was really nice, so nice to me whenever I talked to her. In short, she was everything I wanted in a girl.
But I was too much of a coward to ask her out. Vanessa was frequently teased for her size, and I was afraid my friends would mock me if I started dating her. But on this particular day, things went too far. As Vanessa walked by, the guys began taunting her: “You on your way to rape someone?” “Hey look, it’s the Fat Ass Bitch!” “Don’t smother anyone with your huge rack!” Ordinarily Vanessa dealt with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune by begging her tormentors to leave her alone, but this time, it was too much. She started sobbing and ran away, the boys pointing and laughing at having broken her spirit.
I should have spoken up for Vanessa, told those little fatphobic cretins to leave her alone. I didn’t. I’ve always regretted that day.
That’s why I’ve decided that I can no longer stay silent. Fat women have suffered enough; I’m here to speak out on their behalf, and on behalf of the men who love them. There should be no shame in being a fat girl.
That includes dispelling myths about fat girls being “easy.” Getting them into bed is much harder than you would think, and that’s where I come in. As a seasoned chubby chaser, I’m here to share my foolproof, generalized system for laying bigger gals, a system that any man can use.
Let’s get started.
Read Next: Fat Acceptance is the Future
If you enjoyed this post, then you'll like Big Lovin', my satirical guide that teaches you how to pick up and bang fat girls. It explains what you need to have before you go chubby chasing, where to find fat chicks, and how to woo them with your culinary talents, among other things. Click here to learn more.