How to Deal with Haters

heart-haters

Getting haters is a fact of life when you’re popular and successful. Debating or interacting with them is a bad idea because they’re mentally defective narcissists who seek to make you miserable for no other reason than because they can. In this video, I explain the psychology of haters and how to deal with them.

Remember to subscribe to my YouTube channel for more updates. Video transcript by Eve Penman.

Transcript

Hello there, kids. I’m Matt Forney and today I want to talk a bit about haters.

As far as I’m concerned, a kind of juvenile term like that is really all they deserve. They’re not critics. They have no intellectual justification behind what they’re doing. They hate you because they have issues. And my friend Mike over at Danger & Play, he had a really good podcast talking about haters, talking about haters that he has encountered in his personal life who criticize his blogging. I have a link to his podcast in the description of this video if you want to check out more, but let me give you my own personal take on haters because I have tons of them and I have a lot of experience with dealing with these people.

Now, as an ordinary normal human being, you tend to think that other people are normal like you, think the same way you do; that they too are logical reasoning beings. When you first start getting haters and people who obsess over you, your gut inclination is going to try and convince them over to your side with facts and logic. I’m here to tell you that doing so is a waste of time. Because haters, number one, they don’t hate you for any intellectually valid reason; they start out hating you and then they find reasons to attack you. Even if every so-called reason they have for hating you vanished tomorrow, they’d just invent something else because that’s how they function.

Let me give you an example. Now, I’ve had a lot of people try and call me ugly, okay. I know for a fact that I’m not the most handsome guy, but these same people have also called friends of mine, other blogger friends of mine ugly, even those who are objectively attractive. So basically, if they don’t like you they’ll claim you’re physically ugly no matter what you look like.

For example, you know the website Hot Chicks with Douchebags? Douchebag is a term that people use to insult good-looking men that they just don’t happen to like. Good-looking masculine men. Really, it’s literally an excuse to attack someone they don’t like. You look at the men on Hot Chicks with Douchebags, they may not be the smartest but they are objectively successful, they’re good-looking, they work out and they have hot chicks hanging off of them. A normal person would be, maybe you wouldn’t even want to have a beer with them, but it’s like, hey, you’re doing pretty well in life, bro, whereas the entire premise of the site is skinnyfat losers rationalizing why they don’t like these guys.

Number two, the other thing you have to understand about haters is that they’re mentally ill. Their brains aren’t functioning properly and if you try and engage them too much it could lead to serious repercussions for you.

Now, those of you who know the blogger Anonymous Conservative, he recently published a book called How to Deal with Narcissists. There’s a link to buy it in the description, it’s a very good book. But one of the things he talks about, about the narcissist mindset is that narcissists are innately miserable people and they’re not capable of experiencing joy or happiness in the way people like you or I are. The only thing that makes a narcissist happy or comes close to satisfying them is making everyone else around them miserable. They’re basically self-perpetuating misery engines. Inviting one into your life will just end in tragedy for you because their entire psychology is focused around making you unhappy and they’re willing to hurt themselves in the process.

Anonymous Conservative, he gives an example of a woman who wanted to irritate her husband, a narcissistic woman. So at work she deliberately infected herself with the flu and then brought it home so that she could make her husband sick. Now, like I said, the fact that she got the flu and was sick for a few days doesn’t matter so long as he got sick and he got hurt. That’s how defective these people are. They’re willing to inflict pain on themselves if there’s a possibility that even more pain will be inflicted on you.

Another thing you have to realize about haters, they have nothing going on in their lives. They’re not successful, they’re failures at their careers, they’re failures at love, they’re failures at whatever goals they may have set in life they have failed at them. The reason they obsess over you is because being narcissistic and mentally ill, they’re trying to drag you down to their level. If you scratch the surface of a hater you will find a deeply unhappy miserable person that no one in their right mind would ever look up to or emulate.

Let me give you a more concrete example. A year ago there was this woman writing a blog who was obsessed with me. She was blogging about me multiple times a week, dissecting every single blog post, finding every picture of me she could find on the Internet and trying to call me ugly and insulting me. She even went to the point of tracking down one of my high school classmates and trying to expose what I was like in high school, as if I was hiding it. I’ve told people before that I was a loser in high school; I never hid that at all. And it got worse.

She never did this to me personally, but she stalked other friends of mine, she stalked their family members. She found the sibling of one of my friends on Facebook, stole the pictures of this guy’s sibling, not even the blogger himself but his relative, and she took the pictures of this relative and put them on her blog. She also was stalking the wife of one of my personal friends, trying to find, digging up ads that my friend’s wife was posting on Craigslist looking for work. We’re talking about a very sick, very disturbed individual.

So, about a few months ago I found out her real-life identity, mainly because she got cocky. This woman got so arrogant that she posted her real-life picture on her blog. I did a right click and searched Google for this image, which you can do with Google Chrome, and it led me straight to her real-life Facebook profile.

I discovered among other things: number one, she is 60 years old. Number two, she is not married. Number three, she has no children. Number four, she is fat. On one of her other blogs she admitted at one point she is morbidly obese and at one point she admitted to weighing more than 300 pounds, even though she’s only, like, five-foot-four or whatever.

Number five, she’s ugly. It may seem kind of mean to call a 60-year old woman ugly, but you know how with some older people you can get an idea of what they looked like when they were younger? You can tell an older woman or older man from what they look like now, whether or not they were attractive when they were younger. You could tell looking at this woman that even when she was in her twenties she was nothing to look at.

Number six, she’s in a relationship with a 70-year-old transsexual. And the last point is her job was she made $35,000 a year as an adjunct professor at a community college.

Now, I want you to look at things from an objective standpoint. What about this woman is enviable or worth aspiring to? She’s not married, she doesn’t have any kids, she’s in very poor health. Being fat is a bad thing, especially at that age when start coughing up against cancer and having an issue with your heart. She also claimed to have been a, quote/unquote, “elderslut.” In fact, before she started stalking me she had run a blog talking about all the adventures she had hooking up with random dudes off of Craigslist. Just think about that.

She can’t even claim that she sacrificed the possibility of having a husband and children for a career, because at age 60 she’s working a job fit for 25-year-old master’s students, okay. If you’re in your sixties and the most you’ve achieved in life is being an adjunct professor, I’m sorry, you have fucking failed, okay. I make more money than she does and I’m, what, I’m 26. It’s clearly obvious, looking at the details of this woman’s life that the reason she was obsessing over me and obsessing over my friends is because she is a complete failure in her life. She knows she’s a failure and so she’s trying to bring down people like me in an attempt to make herself feel better. It sounds abnormal but that’s how haters think, that’s how narcissists think. They’re incapable of making themselves happy so they seek to make other people unhappy; they seek to bring everyone down into this pit of despair.

Let me give you another example of a hater who’s obsessed with me. About a couple years ago there was this frequent troll, when I first started off blogging there was this troll who kept leaving comments calling me ugly, calling me a failure, calling me a bum or whatever, just leaving dozens of comments a week. Like this other idiot that I exposed, this particular troll left a clue to his real-life identity with his comments on my blog. He was using his real life e-mail address even though he was using a fake name. So I reverse searched that, which led me straight to his Facebook profile where I discovered that, drum roll please, he was in fact a she; a female-to-male transsexual. Again, how am I supposed to respond to something like this? We’re talking about someone who is so mentally ill, so deranged that she went and had her breasts chopped off and had a penis implant, started taking testosterone so that she could pretend to be this facsimile of a man, someone who is so mentally ill like that. And now you’re leaving comments calling me ugly? You’re calling me a failure when you fucking messed up your body to the point where no normal person would want to have anything to do with you? I mean, it’s clearly obvious.

Again, if you scratch the surface of any hater, if you scratch the surface of anyone who obsesses over you and makes negative comments about you and won’t shut up about you and is obsessed with insulting you, you will find they have nothing going for them in their personal lives. They’re not banging a hot girl, they’re not successful in their careers, they’re ugly, they’re fat, they’re out of shape, they’ve got some other issue, they’re transsexuals, you know.

So really, taking these people seriously is completely playing into their game, and giving them attention is playing into their game because, again, their only goal in life is to make you miserable. The only goal of a narcissist, the only thing that satisfies them is making everyone else around them as miserable as they are.

So, in order to combat this, what you have to do is you have to ignore these people. They come on to your blog, you ban them straight away; you don’t respond to their e-mails, you block them on Twitter and Facebook. If they start trying to seriously harass you, then you take it to, you expose them or you take it to the police or whatever, but you shouldn’t have to do that. But don’t give the haters anything to work with, okay. Don’t waste your time trying to convert them or make them see the light or whatever, because they will never see the light. They live in a self-imposed cave and they will never venture out of it. They don’t want to venture out of it, they wouldn’t know how to even if they wanted to. Their only concern is snuffing out the light in your light and replacing it with darkness, okay.

Just don’t let these people ruin your mood, because that’s what they want to do. Keep going forward, keep being happy, keep trying to achieve your goals, keep living your life the way you want to and, pardon my French, tell the haters to go fuck themselves, you know.

Illegitimi non carborundum, don’t let the bastards grind you down. I’m Matt Forney and I am out.

Read Next: A Taxonomy of My Haters

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  • Laguna Beach Fogey

    A fine essay, Matt. Yes, a lot of the haters are mentally ill. Some of them are also morally uptight prigs, self-righteous Churchians who go into a frenzy at the slightest irritation. I have to admit, I enjoy toying with these mofos.

  • Zelcorpion

    Good article. Return of Kings was so inundated sometimes with women and haters attacking that Roosh decided to forbid women to comment. Haters and White Knights are banned quickly also on the RVF forum. While it appears strong it actually makes sense, because those Nitwits are always destroying any decent exchange of opinions and experiences by trying to incite emotions and baiting the community into discussions which lead nowhere, because nothing short of a SWAT team in their living-room would make them budge their mental aberrations.

    Successful happy people who even disagree with you don’t have the time to lurk online and prattle on endlessly about some stupid point. They are busy having a life. If you do not agree with someone or have nothing to learn from a site – go away and look elsewhere, but I guess that is what they need to do in order to have a minor reason to go on with their pitiful existence.

  • Pingback: How your haters will try to destroy you | Philosophies of a Disenchanted Scholar()

  • thedudeisnotin

    Good article. I have cut every hater out of my life in the last year I could.

  • http://www.raulfelix.com/ Raul Felix

    Great video bro! As you know, I have my share of haters and I’ve had to learn how to not to feed them. Its tough to learn at first, but once you get the hang of just letting them spew their guts out without giving them the satisfaction of acknowledging their existence, you win.

  • Nataliya Kochergova

    I’m reluctant to assume someone is mentally ill just because they are trying to hurt my feelings online. Ignoring them is still a great solution though. A true believer can’t be convinced of anything. The most you’ll do is offer good arguments for readers to absorb (and feel exhausted, if you take the debate seriously).

  • Rope

    ‘They hate you because they have issues’ lmao yeah real convincing omfg surely this guy isn’t serious?

  • Rope

    This is fucking hilarious these comments are gold only on the internet can you find this shit lmao

  • Kaeley

    Tell us about the light in your life.