Matt Forney
Spread the Word!

How Can I Make My Husband Happy?

husband-happy

NOTE: A year ago, I ran a blog named Virginia’s Secret Garden for the purpose of making fun of “red pill women” and their beta orbiters in the manosphere. I wrote under the nom-de-plume of “Virginia Robinson,” a happy submissive Christian housewife living in the Midwest… who blogged about her sex life in nauseating detail. You can read more about the hoax here.

Because I’m no longer updating the site, I’ve decided to let the domain VirginiasSecretGarden.com expire. Here is one of the articles I wrote for the blog, originally published on February 3, 2014.

I get this question a lot from the search engines. It would seem that a lot of ladies are clueless when it comes to pleasing their men. Here are the easiest ways to make your husband happy.

1. Do what he says.

When you married your husband, you made an oath to submit to his leadership until death do you part. Your relationship is not a conditional one: if you’re thinking “I’ll submit to him so long as he doesn’t make me do something icky,” you’re on the slippery slope to divorce and single mommyhood. As a wife, you are exalted to obey your husband for good or for ill. You can attempt to sway his decisions one way or another, but when he commands you to do something, you don’t defy him, you put on your big girl panties and do it. If you have a problem with this concept, then why did you get married to begin with?

Note that there are limits to this. If your husband orders you to do something that is completely at odds with your moral code, you are not obligated to submit to him just because. As a Christian, this is codified for me; I’m only required to follow my husband so long as his dictates do not conflict with Christ’s. Were my husband to begin leading me into sin, I would be obligated to break away from his headship to save my soul as well as his.

2. Be his wife, not his best friend.

A lot of those jealous bitches erm, I mean, feminists think that relationships between men and women boil down to being friends, but with sex. You see this a lot when, say, men argue for dating/marrying younger women: “What will you have in common? What will you talk about?”

Puh-lease! Being my husband’s wife doesn’t make me his friend; he has his real (man) friends for that. I didn’t marry my husband because of our stimulating conversations on pop music, I married him because I thought he was a confident, attractive man who could take care of me and any children we might have. We’re into totally different things—he likes motorcycles and marathons, I like scrapbooking and crocheting—yet we somehow get along.

Keep that in mind, ladies. Your husband didn’t marry you because of your intellect, he married you because he thought you were attractive and would make a good mother to his kids. If you fail at being a wife, being his best friend won’t magically improve your marriage, haha.

3. Give him blowjobs without expecting any reciprocation.

And even more importantly, don’t wait for him to ask you to blow him; surprise him by doing it on your own. Don’t demand that he go down on you in return; if you enjoy getting your pussy eaten, you’re probably a dyke in denial.

And there you go: three easy tips to make your husband happy. And when your husband is happy, you’ll be happy too! Spread the happiness around!

Read Next: My Husband the Rapist

  • Angela

    You’re a disgusting man. No wonder you have to go looking for foreign women. I doubt any woman from the US or any other civilized nation would have you. Be careful quoting Scripture though, its not wise to mock God.

  • zofia

    Hilarious, thanks for sharing! :-) ROFL. I’ll link you from my Tumblr (zofianina.tumblr.com) – keep up the good work.

  • faith

    i how happy always being am? some stress inside, some many thinking.