Matt Forney
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A Date on Campus: Jackie’s First Frat Party by Emily Roberts

jackieNOTE: I originally meant to publish this review at Return of Kings a few months ago, but I shelved it due to lack of time. In the time between when I first started writing the article and now, A Date on Campus was removed from Amazon for unknown reasons. I hope the author puts it back up, but until then, here’s my review.

As a popular writer who regularly posts on books, I’m generally awash in review copies of stuff. Everyone and their mother sends me a copy of their manifesto, novel, or totally-original-guide-on-how-to-lift-and-pick-up-chicks at some point, hoping I’ll give them the thumbs up… or actually review the damn thing. At any given time, I’m absolutely drowning in review copies, to the point where they’re crowding out the stuff that I actually want to read.

And then there’s the rare book that gets to jump the queue and pique my interest.

Some time ago, I received an email from an “Emily Roberts” with the subject line “UVA/Rolling Stone erotica.” I immediately opened it up and read this:

“Virginia Robinson” inspired me. Enjoy the book ;)

“Virginia Robinson” refers to how I trolled the manosphere last year under the identity of the same-named submissive Christian housewife and aspiring erotica novelist. I clicked the attached link and received my free copy of A Date on Campus: Jackie’s First Frat Party, described as “a steamy re-imagining of the infamous UVA frat exposé in Rolling Stone magazine.”

Oh shit…

I was expecting A Date on Campus to be similar to Roughed Up by #GamerGape, another recent erotica title based off of real-life events, in this case the rampant cheating of game industry darling Zoe Quinn. I reviewed Roughed Up by #GamerGape for Reaxxion back in January, finding it weakly written and about as “offensive” as a Cinemax softcore flick (Quinn and her lackeys had the book pulled from Amazon for being “threatening” or something equally stupid).

While both #GamerGape and A Date on Campus are “ripped from today’s headlines” (as the marketers might put it), that’s where the similarities end. While A Date on Campus has an obvious parodic undertone, the book is not only serious as an erotica title, but is much more skillfully written. A Date on Campus is a fictionalized depiction of the now-discredited story Sabrina Rubin Erdely fabricated for her article “A Rape on Campus,” sans the actual rape:

Jackie sat still as a mouse, soaking in the discussion. Over the summer, she had dumped her high school boyfriend. He was handsome enough, but also a little nerdy and insecure. Initially, she had been attracted to his intelligent, bookish nature, but she had always felt, deep down, that he wasn’t quite in her league. Whenever an athlete or other high school alpha male made a pass at her, she inwardly seethed with frustration that she was tied down with her boring boyfriend. She used her move to Charlottesville as an excuse to break up with him. “Since we’ll be so far apart, maybe we should start seeing other people,” she had said to her devastated boyfriend, knowing full well that it would be much easier for her to “see other people” than it would be for him.

The plot follows the nondescript college freshman Jackie, who arrives at the University of Virginia newly single and ready to mingle. Unfortunately, despite being away from her family, surrounded by throngs of horny young men—and having a raging slut for a roommate—poor Jackie just can’t get a date. That is, until she becomes acquainted with one Drew Monahan, a hunky lifeguard who draws her eye… and gives her a means to live out her forbidden fantasies:

But most frequently, Jackie would imagine an attractive guy, driven wild by desire, taking her by force. In these dubious consent fantasies, it was never the guy himself she objected to, but the place and time. “I can’t wait any longer,” the man would whisper menacingly in her ear as he pulled her unwillingly into a public restroom or an empty classroom. “STOP! Not here! Someone will see us!” she would protest futilely as he roughly yanked her bra off and pulled down her pants. Once she was naked—dangerously exposed to anyone who might stumble in on them—she would give in and passionately fuck the guy, orgasming intensely at the thrilling risk of discovery.

The writing in A Date on Campus, while not award-winning, is actually pretty good and does its job in getting the reader all hot and bothered. Roberts’ main folly is that she occasionally slips into overly clinical terminology to describe sex acts, akin to a more talented E.L. James. While it isn’t too bad in many cases (such as in the above excerpts), some of the segments lose steam due to Roberts narrating them like she’s a nurse trying to figure out how a free clinic patient got a dildo wedged up his ass:

Jackie remembered that her ex-boyfriend liked her to massage his epididymis tubes with her tongue when she gave him blowjobs. Jackie released Drew’s dick and started sucking his balls instead. With her tongue, she vigorously stroked the semen ducts at the back of Drew’s testicles.

Call me cynical, but I have a hard time believing that the average teenage girl could even pronounce “epididymis.”

Where A Date on Campus really shined for me—someone who has no interest in reading erotica—is the ending. The book is effectively alternate history (or, if you want to get technical, actual history, as opposed to the mainstream media’s narrative about the UVA rape hoax), resembling a smuttier, less literary version of Andy Nowicki’s Heart Killer (no, I’m not joking).

Without spoiling anything, Roberts’ explanation for Jackie’s booze-soaked gangbang is both amusing and a depressing commentary on modern America.

While A Date on Campus is not exactly the kind of book you run to go buy, I recommend it as both a way to get off (if you’re into that kind of thing) and a smartly written reinterpretation of one of the biggest hoaxes of recent years. Emily Roberts’ erotic novella isn’t just better written than “A Rape on Campus,” it’s infinitely more believable. Forget The Onion: we get more honesty from porn these days than from the media.

Click here to buy A Date on Campus: Jackie’s First Frat Party.

Read Next: A Second Round on the House by Blair Naso

  • Elmer T. Jones

    This is one of those moments when you think “Why didn’t I think of that?”.

  • Jim Christian

    Can’t buy A Date On Campus. Available nowhere. Someone thinks it’s dangerous, I suppose.