Matt Forney
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A Glossary of Leftist and Feminist Terminology

glossary

In the tradition of Samuel Johnson and L.A. Rollins, I’ve compiled this satirical list of leftist/feminist terms and neologisms. Enjoy, and feel free to offer up suggestions for more in the comments.

1950’s, n. A horrifying epoch of American history, when most children grew up in intact homes, crime was low, the economy was booming and happiness was at all-time highs.

Beauty, n. In the eye of the beholder, except in the case of misogynists and sexists, who are all ugly, fat and short.

Body-shaming, v. Any attempt to remind unhealthy people that they are living an unhealthy lifestyle.

Buzzfeed, n. A charitable organization that helps immigrants learn English by relaying news stories in bullet-point lists consisting of simple, brief sentences and animated GIFs.

Career-focused, adj. Choosing to submit yourself to a faceless corporation that will kick you out the door as soon as it no longer has any use for you, instead of submitting to a husband who will love you until death do you part.

Censorship, n. Something that only governments can carry out. Private citizens aligned with the government mobbing together aren’t engaging in censorship, any more than private citizens lynching black men in the Jim Crow South were carrying out the will of state governments.

Christian, n. A horrible monster from the flyover states who enslaves women and really harshes on your buzz.

Cisgender, adj. A normal person.

Creepy, v. Something that only men can be.

Crying, v. A perfectly reasonable response to something you read on the Internet that upsets you.

Douchebag, n. A man with a functioning pair of testicles. See also: bro, dudebro.

Evolution, n. A process that stops at the neck, except of course in the case of white conservatives.

Fat acceptance, n. The belief that slovenly, deformed and disgusting women have the right to relationships with tall, handsome and fit men.

Feminism, n. The idea that a woman who has a degree in a fluff subject and a useless makework job is empowered, but a woman who can cook and clean for herself is oppressed.

Generalization, n. Something you should never do, because all people are unique and the existence of a single exception to any rule disproves the rule. See also: stereotype.

Government, n. The solution to all your problems.

Gun control, n. The idea that a social problem that has only been around for the past thirty years—spree shootings—can be solved by revoking a right that Americans have had for over two hundred years.

Heteronormative, adj. The idea that humans should not be judged by the standards of heterosexuality, even though 98 percent of all the humans who have ever lived were straight.

HIV, n. A virus that anyone can contract, even those who aren’t homosexual or don’t use intravenous drugs.

Human biodiversity, n. Racist junk science, as proven by Tim Wise and ethnic studies professors.

Immigrant, n. Someone who will do the jobs that Americans won’t do, coincidentally at low wages that Americans can’t afford to work for.

Intersectionality, n. When you and your friends get into a slap-fight to determine who has been the most violently oppressed.

Insecure, adj. What you should accuse your opponents of being, preferably while taking your Zoloft.

I.Q., n. Arbitrary and Eurocentric measure of intelligence, completely useless except when used to prove how dumb conservative whites are.

Jezebel, n. An online magazine that exists to empower women suffering in a sexist world. Owned and managed by Nick Denton, a homosexual man.

Marijuana, n. A completely harmless, non-addictive drug that should be legal despite the facts that it causes brain damage, stunts physical growth and increases the risk of schizophrenia.

Misogynist, n. A man whom feminists desperately want to have sex with.

Misogyny, n. Anything that mildly upsets a woman’s feeeeeelings. See also: sexism.

Patriarchy, n. A secret Illuminati-like organization that controls the world for the primary purpose of keeping women down. The complete lack of evidence of its existence is only proof of its nefarious intent.

Polyamory, n. A lifestyle that allows ugly women to cheat on their husbands/boyfriends without feeling guilty.

Poor people, n. A class that you should support, unless they happen to be white, live in the country and go to church every Sunday.

Pussy Riot, n. A group of Russian sexual deviants who served a jail sentence for trespassing, which is illegal in every country in the world. Mysteriously continue to exist despite having no support—monetary or otherwise—from any actual Russians.

Racial profiling, n. The bigoted, regressive idea that racial groups that commit disproportionate amounts of crime should be disproportionately monitored.

Rape, v. A nebulous concept that includes everything from forcible penetration to looking at a pretty girl on the subway for a second too long. The worst crime imaginable and the only one that should be punishable by death.

Rape culture, n. The belief that American culture somehow encourages rape despite all evidence to the contrary.

Signal boost, n. Having all your friends whine about something at the exact same time in the hope that someone, somewhere will do something about it.

Slavery, n. A horrible, unforgivable crime that all white Americans must eternally atone for, despite the fact that it was only practiced by a small percentage of whites in a handful of states over 150 years ago.

Slut, n. A woman who takes pride in her hamper full of jizz-stained panties and menagerie of exotic venereal diseases.

Suicide, v. Something that you take Xanax in order to keep yourself from committing. Also something you urge your opponents to do because you don’t have the guts to hurt anyone yourself.

Transphobe, n. A woman who is uncomfortable with sharing public restrooms with hormonal drag queens.

Transman, n. A woman who labors under the delusion that getting a plastic penis implant and testosterone shots will make her a man, despite her surplus X chromosome and feminine brain structure and physique.

Transwoman, n. A man who labors under the delusion that being castrated and getting estrogen shots will make him a woman, despite his Y chromosome and masculine brain structure and physique.

Trigger warning, n. An advisory to make sure that Strong, Independent Women™ don’t accidentally read anything that might give them the vapors.

Twerking, v. One of black America’s greatest contributions to the world, on par with jazz and Donald Goines. Its appropriation by Miley Cyrus marked yet another example of how whites are keeping the black man down.

Wage gap, n. The idea that an HR monkey deserves to be paid as much as a roustabout.

Read Next: “Girl Tries to Rape Me So I Rape Her”: July Search Terms 

  • Brilliant, accurate, and liable to get you called some mean names (because it’s OK to be mean to men).

  • Brilliantly done. I am impressed, sir.

  • Matt, are you at all familiar with Ambrose Bierce?
    If not, check out the Devil’s Dictionary. It’s hilariously acerbic and accurate despite being over 100 years old.
    Universal recommendation, readers-if you like Matt’s writing, look into Bierce

  • baguazhang

    >this is what libfags actually believe

  • Whatajoke

    Matt Forney is the most awesomest guy ever.

    [CensorBot sez: “Awesomest” is not a word.]

  • Dudebro- Men who are inexplicably more comfortable in the presence of other men, and who commit the unforgiveable sin of not welcoming the stifling social controls of females into every interaction.

    Racism- every interaction between white person and a designated minority, or a designated minority and a less-designated minority, that does not result in the white person giving all their money, influence, and labor for the designated minority’s unearned benefit.

    Affirmative action- legally-sanctioned bigotry whereby identity politics are the only means by which a person may choose who and who does not work for them. Automatically overrides the right to property.

    Gay Pride- The belief that having sexual relations with your own gender automatically entitles you to privileges and rights that the bigoted cisgender majority don’t deserve.

    Reparations- the belief that you deserve money and entitlements from the offspring of people who are long dead for crimes committed against people who are long dead. See also ‘slavery’. This does not apply to other oppressed and enslaved people, such as the Chinese, because they are white and ‘got over it’ too quickly. Also does not apply to any white minority that may have been oppressed, such as Pruthenians, Poles, Croatians, Christians, Celts, Irish, or Scottish, and also does not apply to anyone who was oppressed by black people like the Saxons, Angles, and Northern Africans.

    Conservative- An Evil white male who believes that he built his own business, deserves to keep what he has labored to earn, and does not worship a feminist religion, like wiccanism or liberalism.

    Religion- believing in unproveable concepts like divinity, faith, an afterlife, and the human soul instead of eminently proveable concepts like ‘the human foetus is not entitled to life’, all humans are identical, the ‘gay gene’, and the systemic oppression of women.

    Organized religion- see ‘religion’. groups of evil religious men that band together to create a workable set of ethics that attempt to provide justice and charity.

    Scientist- Someone who works tirelessly to prove liberal assertions to be true. See ‘peer review’.

    Global Warming- The science pioneered by global warming that allows the federal government to tax and interfere in virtually every aspect of personal or corporate life. Scientists who have proven that global warming is an international hoax and scam are referred to as ‘frauds’

    Fraud- a self-styled ‘scientist’ who pursues the ridiculous concepts of ‘truth’ and ‘fact’ and allows the results of experiments to dictate his conclusions, rather than designing experiments to appear to display the truth of existing conclusions.

    White- A person who’s skin color proves that they are the beloved of Satan. White people do not have an internal moral compass, and oppress other races simply by breathing. All right-thinking ‘people of color’ know that the only good whitey is a dead whitey, and that every social, technological, medical, or innovative breakthrough supposedly created by a white person was actually stolen by whitey from hardworking minorities. A tolerable white person must spend their life in contemplative atonement for the sin of being born white, and must work tirelessly and without recompense for their mast… Oppressed minority overlords.

  • err.. replace the second ‘global warming’ with ‘Al Gore- The man who invented the lightbulb, the internal combustion engine, and the internet.”

  • Peer review- The scientific process by which an experiment which produces a reproduceable result is dissected by social scientists in order to prove that it’s methodology was flawed, and that truth only exists with a consensus of politically-approved inquisitors.

    The crusades- A period of historical oppression when white Christian men set out to slaughter and enslave helpless, peace-loving Muslims, proven by reconstructionist history, rather than the fictional historical accounts that show that the crusades were a desperate attempt to stop muslim raiding and slaving throughout much of eastern europe.

  • Basement Dweller- Ad hominem directed at anybody who displeases the feminist. “I don’t like what you have to say, therefore you must live in your mom’s basement.”

  • Thanks Matt, I enjoyed the whole list but that definition of a feminist is absolutely priceless. I wonder how hard it would be to add that to urban dictionary and feet it to the top of the list?

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  • Never heard “Signal Boost” before.
    That is a good name for a pretty common thing.
    Perhaps one day, I’ll cause my own feminist signal boost!

  • QA

    Nice work Matt. Love this new layout as well.

    Yeah yeah, I know you hate me. I don’t care. ;)

  • You should add the following:
    -Hope/believe
    -Marginalized
    -Disenfranchised
    -Abuse

  • Retrenched

    Rape culture = heterosexual masculinity
    Fighting rape culture = gelding all straight men

  • Marijuana causes brain damage? lol.

    Mostly a good list though.

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  • Olaya Pintado

    Fucking asshole… I’m not going to explain you anything because you wouldn’t understand it since you are such a prick.