Matt Forney
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Iowa Campaign Dispatch, Day 8 and 9: Jeb Bush Gets Cucked by Timmy from South Park

jeb

Day eight of my Iowa campaign coverage took me to Sioux City (or as it should be called, Shithole City) for a Jeb Bush Countdown to Caucus rally at Bev’s on the River. Later that evening, I also swung by a Martin O’Malley campaign appearance at a nearby acupuncture clinic.

The Jeb event reeked of death and desperation, and not just because of the nursing home field trip demographics. Even the actual volunteers seemed out of steam. When Jeb himself took the stage, he appeared logy and defeated, and he constantly let himself get interrupted by a wheelchair-bound autistic kid who kept screaming and yelling:

The Martin O’Malley event afterwards was even more depressing. Beyond only getting a max turnout of 20-30, the O’Malley people were trying to get us to phone bank for him. His campaign is also apparently too poor to afford printed campaign materials, so almost all the signs taped to the walls were drawn with paper and magic markers. O’Malley himself is actually pretty personable and likable, but he’s massively in over his head in trying to run for president:

I sum up the day’s events in this video:

My report on the Jeb Bush rally is up at Return of Kings, while my report on the Martin O’Malley event is up at Right On.

I didn’t go to any campaign events on Saturday because I was swamped with writing work, because there weren’t any good ones within a reasonable driving distance, and because I was so physically exhausted from Friday’s activities that I slept in (Sioux City is a three-hour drive from Des Moines; I was so tired on the ride back I had to fight to keep from passing out and crashing). However, my live coverage will pick up on Sunday and Monday.

For my latest coverage of the Iowa caucuses, subscribe to my YouTube channel. Also, follow me on Twitter for live updates.

Read Next: Iowa Campaign Dispatch, Day 7: My Time with the Rand Paul Cult