Matt Forney
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Lock Pussy Riot Up and Throw Away the Key

Pussy_Riot_by_Igor_Mukhin

Oh look, another crusade. Once again, Americans have thrown themselves into a cause that few of them understand, all because they love that warm, fuzzy feeling that comes with being moral.

And believe you me when I say the average Amerimoron doesn’t understand Pussy Riot at all.

We Americans are the most gullible people on planet Earth. Never has a nation of such provincial rubes been handed so much power on the world stage. Because most Americans don’t learn foreign languages or even attempt to understand foreign cultures, we’re easily manipulated by weird-talking foreigners with sinister agendas. All of our foreign policy fuckups in the past half-century, from Vietnam to Iraq, happened because we know nothing of the world beyond our borders. Half the time, even our ambassadors can’t speak the languages of the countries they’re stationed in.

The outpouring of support for Pussy Riot is yet another example of our provinciality.

The official line about Pussy Riot is that they’re valiant freedom fighters being unjustly prosecuted by a repressive government. They stand for peace, love and rainbows! How dare they have their right to burst into a church without permission and disrupt Mass with an obscene song infringed upon! Vladimir Putin is an evil fascist! Free Pussy Riot!

Without even delving into Pussy Riot’s… colorful history, this story is all wrong.

In their paroxysms of OUTRAGE!, liberals have forgotten that if you tried to do what Pussy Riot did in an American church, you would get arrested here too. It’s called “trespassing,” intruding on private property when the owner doesn’t want you around, and it’s against the law everywhere in the U.S. Even here in hyper-progressive Madison, trespassing is highly illegal, so illegal that “no trespassing” signs cite the specific statute that outlaws it:

So by this measure alone, Pussy Riot is in the wrong. But hey, maybe you think that the cause of free-dumb is worth trampling all over private property rights. It gets worse (HT: Matt Parrott):

Western media accounts typically quote only one phrase from the song sung by the trio, “St. Mary, virgin, drive away Putin,” giving the impression that the song was nothing more than an outcry against the Russian leader. However, an English translation of the full lyrics obtained by LifeSiteNews.com indicate that the girls had more than just electoral politics in mind.

In addition to their mockery of Orthodox worship, the girls derided the “Black robe, golden epaulettes,” of Orthodox clergy, and mocked the “crawling and bowing” of the parishioners. They then added a barb against the Orthodox Church’s defense of public morality, stating, “The ghost of freedom is in heaven, Gay pride sent to Siberia in chains.”

Bust into a house of worship and insult the parishioners to their faces. You stay classy, feminists.

But hey, maybe you don’t believe in God. Maybe you’re an atheist still stuck in the “FUCK YOU DAD” stage of mental development. Unfortunately for you, Pussy Riot gets even worse:

In 2008, band members entered Moscow’s Museum of Biology in order to engage in a “fertility rite” protest against the election of Dmitry Medvedev as the country’s president.  “Pussy Riot” member Nadezhda Tolokonnikova and her husband removed their clothes and engaged in public sex in the museum, while others took photos of the incident and posted them on the Internet.

Niiiice. Not exactly the heroic rebels you imagined, eh liberals?

Maria Alekhina, another member, has released a video of the group in which she enters a supermarket and masturbates using a chicken leg, according to an uncharacteristically frank article by the Associated Press. In another recent stunt, the group hung a drawing of a huge phallus on a St. Petersburg drawbridge, the agency reports in the same article.

Funny, the more I learn about Pussy Riot, the more they seem like a collection of shock artists instead of a principled political organiza—oh, wait.

While America’s pop culture royalty and media establishment fawn over the jailed trio, Russian performers have been loathe to associate themselves with their cause, including the nation’s two biggest rock stars, Zemfira and Mumiy Troll. Some, like the star singer Elena Vaenga, have even denounced them publicly, stating, “I’ll personally drink to the health of the judge who’ll slap them with some jail time.”

Even sympathetic Russian journalist Michael Idov admits in a recent article for the New York Times that “the hometown opinion on Pussy Riot is mixed at best. Even the liberal response has involved language like ‘They should let these chicks go with a slap on the ass.’”

Think about that carefully, liberals. Your latest cause celebre is so despised in their homeland that not even Russian liberals support them.

You guys really know how to pick winners.

The verdict is in: Pussy Riot is a bunch of narcissistic, deranged, disgusting attention whores. Even the name shows what they’re all about: “Ooooh look, I said a naughty word! Tee-hee, I’m so edgy!” They’re on the same level as FEMEN, the Ukrainian feminist group whose “activism” consists of running around half-naked. There’s no civilized country on Earth that wouldn’t throw Pussy Riot in jail for what they’ve done, and the fact that liberals are lining up to support them speaks mountains about their values. This is nothing but crass, naked imperialism.

Yes, imperialism. You know, that thing that liberals said was very bad when a Republican was in the White House but suddenly became very good when a Democrat became president? When Bush invaded Iraq, we were treated to no end of screeds about how it was wrong for America to invade a sovereign nation and shove our values down their throats. By screaming for these balaclava-clad hooligans to be freed, aren’t liberals shoving their values down the Russians’ throats? They’re not even good values; as ill-conceived as Operation Iraqi Freedom was, at least what the neocons tried to accomplish was morally defensible. So according to progressives, spreading democracy and human rights is a no-no, but publicly diddling yourself with poultry is cool?

That’s what the hubbub about Pussy Riot is about: mindless American crusaderism combined with Russophobia of the most crass, self-serving kind.

Western claims of Vladimir Putin being a “fascist” are a smokescreen for the real reason they hate him: he’s vigorously defended Russia from the predations of foreigners, in both foreign and domestic policy. It’s because of all this that Russia is still a major player on the international stage, and why the American mainstream media and government hate Putin’s guts.

The American media whining about Putin’s nationalistic policies is like a serial rapist whining that his latest victim had the temerity to call the cops. “How dare she keep me from forcibly ravaging her vagina! What nerve!”

This is where you come in, my faithful readers. I need you to link, share and disseminate this article (along with the article from Matt Parrott) across the Internet, as much as you can. Tweet it, post it on your Facebook wall, email it to your parents, slap it up on Reddit. Actually, you should be doing that with all of my posts, but this article is far more important, because it’s about a bigger issue than one gang of mentally ill sluts. For as long as I can remember, the mainstream media has been deliberately and nakedly lying about and misrepresenting stories in order to push a left-wing, anti-male, anti-white, anti-heterosexual agenda. They did it with the Duke lacrosse case, with the Jena Six, with Tyler Clementi, and with George Zimmerman. They’re trying to do it with Pussy Riot, and we can’t let them get away with it.

Even better, if you know any liberals, shove this article in their faces. Tell them that they’re defending a bunch of psychos who engage in public fucking and flicking their beans. Ask them why it’s think it’s morally justifiable for them to force their values on another country, when Bush was an evil racist Nazi for doing the same thing in Iraq. After all, cultural relativism teaches us that no one culture is superior to another, and if the Russians want to ban gay pride parades and sentence feminist freaks who deface churches to a lifetime of breaking rocks in Siberia, no one has any right to tell them otherwise. If you haven’t made at least one progressive’s head explode from revealing the contradictions in their own philosophies, you’re doing it wrong.

Reading that article about Pussy Riot, I mentally flashed back to a portion of The Exile book where Mark Ames talked about one of his (many) Russian girlfriends, a psychotic bisexual and petty criminal named Lena. In one column, Ames details how during a stint in a German women’s prison, Lena viciously beat up and raped a Bulgarian teenager, making her her “bitch” and forcing her to “lick her out” in the showers. And you thought those 70’s “women in prison” exploitation movies were bullshit.

Let’s hope the Pussy Rioters know how to grip a bar of soap.

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