Matt Forney
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Naughty Nomad’s Guide to New York by Mark Zolo

naughty-nomadNaughty Nomad’s Guide to New York is by far the most detailed guide on getting laid in a particular city I’ve ever read.

Most of the city/country guides I’ve read, such as Roosh’s various Bang books, stick to a general overview of the country or city in question and what its girls are like. This makes sense: it’s impossible to uncover every nuance of a country with millions of people in it. But roughly half of Mark Zolo’s book is dedicated to specific breakdowns of nightlife in NYC’s various neighborhoods, with detailed description of bars, the types of girls you can find in them, and everything else.

I can almost visualize Zolo’s liver begging for a respite from the metric tons of booze he guzzled while doing research.

If you’re interested in picking up girls in New York—probably one of the few places left in the U.S. where you can pick up girls without having to deal with massive amounts of autism and social justice—Naughty Nomad’s Guide is an obvious must-buy. Zolo could have easily released a more generic book that was half the length of this one and still make money, but the sheer amount of detail in Naughty Nomad’s Guide makes it invaluable. (Full disclosure: Zolo hired me to edit the book.)

One of the things I took away from Naughty Nomad’s Guide is the sheer logistical clusterfuck of getting in, out and living in New York City. Seeing as I grew up upstate, NYC was just a short train or bus ride away for me, so I never really thought about the massive headache that visiting the city entails for anyone who doesn’t live in the Northeast. Zolo details how you can travel to New York and not get completely reamed on accommodation:

In Upper Manhattan, especially in Harlem, there are numerous brokers that offer cheap weekly room rentals (usually for Hispanic migrants). There’s an advance on the broker’s fee to the tune of $150, and you’ll also have to stump one week’s security (which you’ll eventually get back), but the good news is the rooms are only about $150-$200 a week, payable weekly, and all you need is a valid ID. So, for less than $500, you’re in the door and have your own bed. Compare this with a typical lease requiring you to jump through hoops, sign contracts, and provide three to four months upfront. This typically adds up to thousands of dollars… and you still have to buy a bed to sleep on!

Naughty Nomad’s Guide also provides a helpful breakdown of the different types and ethnicities of women in the city as well as the game you need to shag them. Do you like Chinese girls, Latinas or preppy college twats? New York City is the world’s greatest smorgasbord of snatch:

You’ll see her in clubs and lounges, usually with a loud-mouthed cohort hollering in Ebonics and dropping the N-word incessantly, displaying about as much class as that of an Afghan schoolgirl under Taliban rule. She may not be very sophisticated, but her excessive confidence, thick buttocks, ostentatious dress and trashy tattoos all hold a certain, stripper-esque sex appeal that still makes you want to nail her ghetto ass.

But the true centerpiece of Naughty Nomad’s Guide is the nightlife section. As I mentioned already, much of the book is dedicated to Zolo’s first-hand research of NYC’s best watering holes. I was pleasantly surprised to see a few of my favorite spots on his list, showing the depth and extensiveness of his work:

If you’re in the city, I recommend you start in Chinatown. Fill up on cheap beer and oriental grub around Mott Street and then enjoy a cocktail and some chill live music at speakeasy Apotheke. After there, take a 10-minute walk up to GoldBar for hip-hop and high heels (free in, but it’s hit or miss). If you want to split up the journey, there’s an optional stop-off in the Mulberry Project in Little Italy (it will be completely dead, but it’s another hidden another speakeasy). Better yet, skip GoldBar and go to Pianos in LES.

If there’s one problem with Naughty Nomad’s Guide, it’s that it assumes you have a certain level of game proficiency. While I don’t expect every book like this to reinvent the wheel, given how unforgiving New York’s singles scene is, you’re only going to get value out of the book if you’ve already honed your skills to a certain level. New York City is not for newbies.

Additionally, given the book’s focus on venues, it’s questionable how valuable Zolo’s guide will be two, three or four years down the line. While many of the bars and spots listed in Naughty Nomad’s Guide have been around for a while, given how trends change, the book will likely become progressively outdated as it gets older.

Overall though, if you live in NYC or are planning a visit, Naughty Nomad’s Guide to New York City is a book you can’t afford not to read. There is simply no other resource that can help you find poosy paradise in the Big Apple so easily.

Watch the companion video to this review below:

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Click here to buy Naughty Nomad’s Guide to New York City.

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