This is a guest post by Merv the Perv.
Taking on any stepchildren at all is foolish. You’ll throw away your best years and a startling share of your time, energy, and wealth in raising up some other guy’s cuckoo’s egg. In the unlikely event that the child’s thankful for your sacrifice, it’ll be in that tacky and bloodless way that children are ever “thankful” for anything. It’s the nature of children to take adults for granted, and they’re not the ones who put themselves into the situation in the first place, after all.
More surprisingly, your American wife will be less thankful than the children, as she’ll be fully convinced that your (real or feigned) adoration of the children is a reward commensurate with the sacrifice. Not having the same biological wiring, women simply aren’t inclined to care that much about their own maternity interests and are generally more eager to outright adopt than men are. Between that biological disinclination, her inculcation of the cultural mores against valuing biological parenthood, and her simple selfish lack of concern for her partner’s interest, she’s liable to get offended by the mere prospect that you should be thanked at all.
You should be thanking her!
Perhaps you’re not concerned about siring your own offspring, and you’re not creeped out by that derisive smirk on the biological father’s face when he picks the kids up for visitation. That’s your prerogative, but if there’s a stepdaughter among the litter, you may be in for much more than you bargained for. America’s prison cells and therapists’ offices are struggling to keep up with a very common and very predictable tragic side effect of its broken home and blended family “new normal,” which very few potential stepfathers are concerned about and even fewer are actually warned about.
Sure, you can’t even fathom being attracted to that prepubescent little girl, now. Congratulations, you’re not a pedophile. In the unlikely event that you are a pedophile, then you know exactly why you’re marrying a woman with a young daughter and what you intend to do. This article isn’t about authentic pedophiles or deliberate predators, who should all be rounded up and shot, of course. This is an article for sexually and morally healthy men who are at more risk than they may realize of themselves becoming “pedophiles,” “predators,” “child molesters,” and perpetrators of “incest.”
Pause for a moment to consider that your wife is not getting any more attractive. In fact, she’s most likely at the onset of a rapid descent in both physical attractiveness and sexual energy which is a natural part of the human aging process. Meanwhile, that stepdaughter is only a few years away from blossoming into an attractive, nubile, physically mature, and sexually curious young woman who looks to you as an authority figure, obeys your command, and tests her world for boundaries.
More importantly, you weren’t around during the pivotal time window when the anti-incest instincts would have usually been imprinted on the both of you. In time, one or both of the two sexually primed primates may well fixate on the other, regardless of what either of you two ought to be feeling. Siblings raised apart often find one another intensely attracted when they meet, and—conversely—unrelated children raised very close together in the Israeli kibbutzim couldn’t bring themselves to marry one another as adults because the close contact during youth triggered their instinctive anti-incest biological mechanisms.
Let me be clear, there’s no excuse for laying your hand on a child, or even a “mature” teen or legal adult who has at any point been in a father/daughter relationship with you. While it’s indeed lamentable that so many millions of American men have found themselves ensnared in this domestic nightmare scenario, everybody’s finally accountable for their actions, regardless of how many temptations to commit the crime and opportunities to commit the crime are presented.
American wives are indoctrinated with a feminist belief that their sex lives should be on their terms, and fed a steady diet of demonstrably false popular science which alleges that female sexuality continues to increase or at least plateau in their thirties and forties. What occurs more often than not is their healthy and normal decrease in interest in sex is blamed squarely on their partner, and they gradually withdraw from the bedroom because they don’t see why they should bother to do it if they don’t feel like it.
The middle-aged stepfather’s dilemma now comes into focus. An aging, wrinkly, resentful, and frigid wife would perhaps be struggling to maintain his sexual interest if she cared, though she typically doesn’t. Her pair bonding instincts were all spent years before you even showed up, and the brief resurgence of sexuality and vitality which appeared when you were first courting has dried up (literally).
In this world, you’re the necessary beta cuckold she’s grudgingly stuck with as her sexual market value spirals, a financial provider and stand-in for all the men in college who got away, the baby daddies she’ll always share a permanent bond of shared parenthood with, and the romance novel heroes who would never allow themselves to be degraded in the way you’ve allowed her to degrade you.
But there’s another world, a whole new world, skipping down the hallway in a tank top and short shorts. She looks up to you, both literally and figuratively, in a way no adult woman who’s been around enough to know a schmuck when she sees one has ever done or will ever do. She trusts you. She admires you. She looks to you for answers, and she’s at an age where she’s increasingly looking to you rather than her mom for guidance and quality time.
Do you really want to be in that vulnerable situation? Perish the thought of actually committing a criminal or immoral act, and just ask yourself if you want to have her creeping into more and more of your masturbatory fantasies (yes, you will be almost exclusively masturbating). Ask yourself if you want to spend a decade in the presence of a big, shiny, juicy apple that you’re absolutely starving for, but will be eternally damned for if you ever take one single bite. Ask yourself if you have the profound self-discipline and willpower necessary to fully resist even in the (surprisingly likely) event that she sexually teases you for attention or to spite her mother.
Nobody ever talks about this, because it’s tremendously shameful, repugnant, taboo and awkward, but somebody needs to. Stepfamily sexual abuse has positively skyrocketed in the past decades and remains on the rise, and nobody’s willing to instigate the frank conversation about root causes. Everybody’s willing to punish the men who get caught, and I’ll help tie the noose, but it would be more constructive to strike at the root of the problem.
1. Stepfamilies are unnatural.
There have always been blended families, but they’ve always been the exception throughout human history rather than the rule. Stepfamilies happened less frequently, and there were stronger moral codes, firmer dress codes, and more modesty all around. Ultimately, the final solution to this problem is stable biological nuclear families with more strict moral and behavioral codes.
2. Feminist sexual norms.
Ain’t it odd how only the man’s end of the marital quid pro quo is mandatory? It’s not like the husband is welcome to cease providing for his wife and family when he has a headache, when he’s not in the mood, or when he’s miffed about something the wife said or did earlier in the week. Traditionally, women took male sexuality and the need for sexual release very seriously, and took it upon themselves (literally) to resolve the tension.
Women now perceive sex exclusively in terms of optional recreation. While a woman in her teens or early twenties may perhaps have the sexual stamina to match her teenage or twenty-something husband, married couples in their thirties tend to become hormonally mismatched in this regard. Without a deliberate effort on the part of the wife to compensate for a lack of organic sexual interest, the husband’s liable to be tempted to cheat, to develop an unhealthy pornography addiction, or worse (much worse).
3. Cougars and grave robbers.
Traditionally, husband and wife pairings were either matched in age or the husband was older than the wife. A curious phenomenon has emerged in our lopsided American sexual marketplace where young men in their twenties who aren’t willing to wait until their thirties (or aware that their options dramatically expand in their thirties) are being predated upon by women in their thirties and even forties who’ve accumulated too many blemishes, blisters, and bastards to compete for the men in their appropriate (and preferred) age range.
Do whatever floats your boat, young men. But please recognize that the more narrow the age gap between yourself and your stepdaughter, the more likely you’ll be afflicted with this private hell of sexual frustration that will make you feel like and perhaps even become a monster. Don’t do it to yourself. Unless you’re an eccentric millionaire, you’re not going find any relief or get away with it.
Pro-Tips for Perving Stepdads
First and foremost, just about anything’s better than corrupting a child who trusts and relies on you, including infidelity, visiting prostitutes, retreating into pornography, divorce, and blowing your brains out. There are, fortunately, some more constructive things one can do before blowing one’s brains out to guarantee that you do no harm.
The first step is one you should be doing with your daughters, anyway. That’s groom-proofing them. “Grooming” is the term for all those insidious little things a sexual predator does to prepare the conditions for sexual predation. Teach her about the warning signs and symptoms of being groomed by an adult, without (of course!) admitting that you’re also arming her against yourself.
An important thing to do is encourage the mother and daughter to have a strong and open communication dynamic, as the wife’s awareness of what’s going on in her child’s life is the strongest antidote against her being abused. If you’ve already developed a “daddy and daughter against the bitchy mom” dynamic, then you may be in deeper than you realize. Hollywood films and the popular imagination imply that grooming is a very deliberate and diabolical thing when the culprit is typically often only dimly aware, if at all, of how all his isolated actions are part and parcel of his own reptile mind’s conspiracy against his better judgment.
2. Fucking your wife.
I know. I know. She’s a dried-up resentful asexual troll who always says “No.” Force the issue, and force yourself to both romance her and pressure her as if your life depended on it (it kinda does). Don’t rape her, of course. While marital rape would indeed be preferable to molestation, at that point your best bet is to grab your cherished belongings and escape the home altogether. The goal here is to stay out of jail and hell, not to end up in jail and hell for a different offense.
Whatever you do, don’t level with your wife about what you’re going through. Avoid this not only because she’ll respond to you in the most negative way imaginable, but she’s quite likely to also experience jealousy and resentment toward her own daughter (more than usual). Don’t level with anybody about this, even therapists. Understandably, their first interest is protecting innocent children, so they’re liable to take preemptive steps which could destroy your life even if you’re merely reaching out for assistance in coping with the fixation. And if leveling with the child has crossed your mind, then you need to bolt from the household forthwith.
You’re already a threat to her psychological safety.
It’s an unenviable situation millions of American men suffer in silence, with no enviable solutions. Hence the imperative of warning American men against marrying American women with female children in the first place. I keep emphasizing the nationality because it’s the Western feminist approach to sexuality and aging which escalates this from a mere challenge to a powder keg with its persistent disconnect in middle-aged sexual activity.
It’s generally a bad idea to marry any women with children, and generally a terrible idea to marry any women with female children especially. But to marry an American woman with female children is especially and uniquely dangerous, both for you and for her children.