Matt Forney
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Of SlutWalks and Double Standards

slutwalk-nyc

It was roughly a year ago that the SlutWalks took the world by storm. Never again will we blame victims for getting raped! Take that, patriarchs!

For those of you who missed this momentous occasion, a refresher.

The SlutWalks began when a Toronto policeman remarked that “women should avoid dressing like sluts” if they didn’t want to get assaulted. For some reason, this sent the entire city’s womenfolk into a tizzy, and they took to the streets in their best prostitute garb to protest. Then women around the world started protesting; there have been SlutWalks in NYC, Boston, London, LA, and even Ithaca. The message of the SlutWalkers was that women are always blameless when they get raped, and that “shaming” women by calling them sluts is wrong.

Of course, the argument that it’s never a woman’s fault if she gets assaulted is stupid, and no one accepts it outside the context of feminism. I’m far more likely to get robbed and attacked if I walk through a black-majority, inner-city ghetto then if I go through a middle-class white suburb. You can call me a racist for writing that, but you can’t dispute that what I’m saying is true. If I went through a bad neighborhood at three in the morning and got mugged, you’d likely tell me I was a moron for doing it, even if you empathize with me.

It’s called personal responsibility, the idea that there’s a greater world out there that doesn’t give a crap about us, a world that we have to cope with. As much as feminists want to scream, cry and whine to the contrary, there are certain actions and behaviors that make rape more likely. If a girl goes around at night alone, sloppy drunk and dressed like a whore, she’s inviting sexual assault. No, that doesn’t justify anything bad that happens to her, but it doesn’t absolve her of responsibility for her actions.

But that doesn’t interest me as much as the other point the SlutWalkers make: that “slut-shaming,” judging women on how many men they’ve slept with, is a no-good, very bad thing.

This complaining about the “double standard”—men are studs, women are sluts—has been a fundamental plank of feminist thought for decades. Personally, I don’t mind if women are sluts. I love sluts. I’ve never “slut-shamed” a girl in my life. Every man who is honest with himself wants women to be sluttier, because it makes getting laid that much easier. We wouldn’t want sluts to be the mothers of our children, but aside from that, who cares?

But there’s another double standard that feminists curiously don’t care about: the virgin double standard, where sexually inexperience men are mocked and chaste women are beloved. If you’re a guy, one of the most common insults you’ll get on the Internet is something like this:

You’re a fat, ugly loser who can’t get laid!

I have never once in my life ever heard a woman insulted for not being able to get laid. No one will ever shame a girl for only having a handful of sexual partners. It’s well known that when it comes to the all-important “number,” men will lie up while women will lie down. Guys exaggerate the number of girls they’ve slept with, while girls come up with all kinds of cute rationalizations to lower their numbers. “I was on vacation, so it doesn’t count.” “I didn’t love him, so it doesn’t count.” “I only went down on him, so it doesn’t count.” Remember this?

Feminists are against slut-shaming, but they’re all too happy to engage in “virgin-shaming” against any man they don’t like. I don’t see men banding together and holding “VirginWalks” to protest this atrocity. “Just because we’ve never had sex doesn’t mean you can judge us!”

Yeah, somehow I doubt anyone would ever take a “VirginWalk” seriously. If you’re a man and you’re upset about your lack of a sex life, you don’t whine about it, you get up and you do something about it. At least, that’s what you do if you don’t want people to laugh at you. But for some reason, we’re expected to treat the SlutWalkers like the second coming of the bra-burners instead of laughing the little floozies out of the room.

Men and women are different. Get over it.

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  • I agree with you that men are too often judged for their lack of sexual partners. I don’t believe that any human being should be shamed for their sex life.
    However, I find issues with your statement that women should be at fault (at least partially) if she gets assaulted. You compared this the higher possibility of being robbed while walking “through a black-majority, inner-city ghetto” rather than taking an alternative route “through a middle-class white suburb”.

    What happens to the people who LIVE in that “black-majority, inner-city ghetto”? Oh, they must be held partially responsible for being robbed (or raped) because they chose to live there. What sort of idiot lives in those places anyways? Surely every single person who lives in, or travels through, those sorts of places has an equally viable alternative…. No. This sort of claim panders to those people who do have an alternative, and completely undermines the even idea that some people don’t have a choice not to put themselves in those sorts of situations.

    As for your claim that “If a girl goes around at night alone, sloppy drunk and dressed like a whore, she’s inviting sexual assault.”, Well I have news for you. As I said before, not every person in the world has access to limitless resources. Some women do not have a man, or a woman for that matter, to accompany them “out” every single time they want to leave the house at night. I suppose you could say “Well then, she shouldn’t be out late without someone with her.” In that case, I would have to ask you if you, as a man, have every experienced what it is like to be completely reliant on others. Have you ever been stuck at home, not able to leave because you have no one to go out with? Why should the absence of other people define anyone’s life? Why should women be completely reliant on others to live their lives? As for being “sloppy drunk and dressed like a whore,” I agree that such woman should not be offended by men trying to hit on them, like is seen on many occasions, the way someone is dressed never means that they will say “yes” to sex, especially if they are inebriated. If such a woman were to meet an equally inebriated fellow and have sex, that is not rape in my book. However, if she were preyed on by a man who specifically had targeted her as a potentially weak target to take advantage of, that is in fact rape. There is no excuse for such behavior, much less the way the woman is dressed or her state of intoxication. Saying that such factors cause a woman to be raped is like saying men are animals and cannot control themselves when a piece of proverbial meat is dangled in front of them. This is simply not the case. Women, or men for that matter, should never have to act in a way that is seen as “preventative,” as whatever crime is committed against them is solely the fault of the attacker.

    I do, however, agree with you statement about the fact that “slut” does not necessarily have to be a negative term but, surely, you can’t think that the all of the people who are the supposed victims of “slut-shaming” have been called so in a positive light. The act of slut-shaming is not simply calling someone a slut, as you seem to think. It is literally what it is called. Shaming someone for their “slutty” behavior. Now if being a slut isn’t such a bad thing, (according to you) why would it be okay for people to be made fun of (sorry for the child’s vocabulary) for their behavior? Your words seem somewhat hypocritical.

    I would enjoy hearing your feedback on all of this, sorry for the long post!

  • Other Guy

    @Anon

    I wish I lived in your world, where the potential actions of others had no bearing on mine.

  • Melanie Victoria

    I think it’s a pity that men are judged by the amount of women they have slept with. Personally, if I had to choose between a man who had a greater number of sexual partners and a man who had little or no sexual partners, the man with little or no partners would certainly win. I think it is endearing.

  • Lynn

    I feel like most of the “virgin-shaming” you talk about comes from other men, more than anything else. For me, and most of my female friends, a guy who has slept around a lot is actually less desirable than one who hasn’t. And I’m not saying it’s right, but our culture has conditioned us to believe that for a man success=virility, and so finding out that another man isn’t a stud gives a way to prove that he is somehow weak or worth less. So I think that, in this case at least, men and male attitudes are a large part of the problem.

  • Erik I.

    “Personally, I love sluts. I’ve never slut-shamed a girl in my life.”

    I’m an idiot who thinks it’s acceptable for 15-year old girls to get gangbanged.

    [CensorBot sez: Yes, you are.]

  • BeastRod

    There is a 99% chance Melanie Victoria is conventionally ugly.
    Lynn is an absolutely deluded CulturalCondition-ophile whose entire outlook on life is about to be shredded to utter pieces by the deluge of information about to emerge from my small corner of academia – neuroscience.
    If you are a man reading this, i have a small test for you. Game a hard 9 and walk around town with her on your arm for a day. Observe and mentally record all your subsequent social interactions.

  • PRINCE

    You sound like a butthurt little girl, who is terribly offended by this article. I don’t condone a slutty behavior/lifestyle at all. And I think slut shaming is definitely a good thing, being a slut is NOT. I’ll give you logical reasons if you want.
    Speaking of rape, nowhere did he say that rape is ‘solely’ the so called victim’s fault. BUT, it definitely can be prevented, as this isn’t your fairy tale world we live in. This is the REAL WORLD. And it has bad people, male and female. There are thieves and burglars out there, therefore we lock our houses, don’t we? Would you leave your doors open and whine when you get robbed? When you’re in the bathroom, and doing your thing, can you leave the door open and then whine ‘how dare you catch me masturbating’ – Oh well, you left the fucking door open, Biatch. Yes, the “a” in there isn’t a typo, BIATCH. Just like there are CCTV cameras and locks to prevent burglary as opposed to going out keeping your doors and windows open, similarly, you can CHOOSE to dress modestly and NOT provocatively. Provocative meaning – “causing anger or another strong reaction, especially deliberately intended or intending to arouse sexual desire or interest.”
    Which means you’re ‘asking for it’. Does that mean if you go out dressed scantily, you should be raped and that rape is justified? Nope. But, YOU don’t tell other people what to do. The rapist WILL rape. What YOU can do, is take responsibility for yourself. Just like if you dress like a cop I will think you’re a cop, if you’re dressed as a clown, I will think you’re a clown, similarly, if you’re dressed in Mcdonalds uniform, people will think you work in Mcdonalds, obviously. Similarly, if you dress like a hooker, people will think you’re a hooker and treat you like it. Don’t be surprised then. There is something called “Dressing appropriately”
    It’s always the shitty excuse of – Don’t tell girls to do X, tell boys to do Y, or NOT to do Z.
    Come on. “Don’t tell me to keep the doors closed, tell the burglar not to rob” LOL
    How is PREVENTION not better than cure?

  • PRINCE

    Sure. But you girls also constantly give in to the ‘studs’, the player guys who sleep around. And you’re adding to the number of chicks the so called ‘player guys’ banged. Aren’t you personally responsible for this? Guys do congratulate, or atleast take it as something ‘great’ if another guy has slept around. And it’s no the same if sluts do it. Why?

    First, let’s take a look what it takes for men to have a rush hour of sexual traffic, assuming they are not paying for it directly.

    To have a high volume of sexual encounters with women, men must:

    A. Have great sexual magnetism based on physical appearance, or

    B. Have visible economic success, or

    C. Significant social status among other men, or

    D. An operational understanding of women and their desires and the ability to manipulate those things, or

    E. The ability to project high self confidence in social settings, or

    F. A combination of two or more of the above.

    Now, to have a high volume of sexual encounters with men, women must:

    A. Have a vagina

    Yep, I am afraid that listing the qualities or accomplishments that women need in order to get more than their share of enthusiastic male sexual partners will not put any undue stress on the English alphabet.

    This little tidbit of reality has a heavy influence on the perceptions we all share about men and women. The fact is that for a man to attract a lot of willing sexual partners there must be some or a lot of other factors that make him stand out, in a positive way, from most other men. He must have traits and accomplishments, either those he has earned, learned, or those that he was born with, that differentiate him from other men in the realm of sexual selection.

    Women only have to be, well, women.

    If a man walks into a nightclub, or a grocery store for that matter, and commands the sexual interest of a significant number of the females present, he indeed is elevated above other men in the minds of most people. He also likely has other qualities, like wealth, athletic prowess, or Adonis good looks, which make him enviable to a lot of other men. Holding him in higher regard is human, even if it is not equalitarian.

    Congratulating a woman because she can attract sexual attention from men is like patting a compulsive overeater on the back for being able to overload their third plate with chow mein at the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. It’s like being in awe of someone because they can outrun a man in a wheelchair.

    It is ridiculous to think that anyone with a brain would hold women in high regard for being able to do something that they actually have to try to not do.

    After all, you have heard plenty of times about men who are successful with women. When’s the last time you have heard a woman described as “successful” with men? You haven’t. And you never will, because women don’t succeed at getting sex. They just allow it to happen. That’s the difference.

    What you girls can do to prevent this?
    1) Stop being a slutty bitch and sleeping around
    2) Definitely stop fucking the ‘bad boys’, the studs, the players.
    3) Stop friendzoning the nice guys, guys who actually care about you. And start sleeping with ‘him’. Note, I didn’t say ‘them’, because that means multiple, which isn’t right, that would make you a slut anyway.
    4) If you’re interested in a guy, approach him. Instead of waiting for guys to approach you and you only dropping hints.
    If women approach men regularly, and so eventually, it’s not so difficult for a guy to get sex, as it is now, and it’s not as easy for girls to get it as it is now? Then the playing ground will be LEVEL.

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  • Ladies who respect themselves don’t dress like that and parade proudly on the streets.