Matt Forney
Spread the Word!

What Do I Want?

meaning

This is a guest post by Vincent Vinturi.

Today’s man is struggling to find any meaning in his existence.

I don’t mean some “purpose” (save the turtles) or “passion” (travel the world) or set of career goals. And I don’t mean a pie-in-the-sky meaning of life.

What I’m talking about is a deep, visceral knowing that everything life brings, whatever it may be, is something he can enjoy fully. And the undeniable feeling that should death knock at his door tomorrow, he can embrace it with tranquility, curiosity and great gratitude towards existence.

He has known the mystery of life; now he would like to glimpse the unseen sight of death.

But today’s average man is bored, un-alive, asleep. And it isn’t entirely his fault.

The core of this existential crisis stems from the in the cultural forces that have taught men that selfishness is bad. Not the politically-colored, capitalistic, Ayn Randian concept of selfishness, but rather the simple, innocent selfishness of a child.

The word “selfishness” has been corrupted by all those self-aggrandizing, self-hating, holier than thou crackpots throughout history. But if you look at the word self-ish-ness, it really just means “to be yourself.”

So in effect, we grow up with the admonition that being selfish (i.e. being yourself) is a nasty, contemptible quality. And from the perspective of the people telling you this, it makes great sense.

Because being yourself doesn’t serve others’ agendas. It serves you.

It doesn’t serve the political systems that seek to enslave and exploit you. It doesn’t serve the religious systems, who want you to piss your life away praying to the clouds and feeling guilty about your morning hard-on. And it doesn’t serve the economic system that depends upon you being an efficient worker bee in a stinking office.

It serves none of these “others”; it serves you.

After all, to know yourself, the very first question you have to ask is¬†“what do I want?”¬† For these “others,” this is a dangerous question. For you, it’s the path towards enlightenment.

As a child, this question “what do I want? What do *I*¬†want?”¬† resonated through your very being like a primordial Om.

Could you imagine doing something you didn’t want to do as a nipper? And do you recall the feeling of emotional upheaval when you were denied your divine right to do exactly as you pleased?

I know, I know: we’re men, not children. You can’t just do what you want all the time, right…?

Well, contrary to popular belief, it is the very fact that men have stopped asking themselves “what do I want?” that has kept them immature, waffling, unsure of themselves, and not least of all, unattractive to women.

What do women always say they want in a man…? A man who _____ ¬†____ ¬†__ ¬†_____.

Most guys would be shocked to learn just how many of their words, actions and even their very thoughts are governed by a desire to avoid being disapproved of by others. And it’s perfectly natural.

Because acting, speaking and thinking to appease others (or avoid their disapproval) is an option that’s always available and deeply ingrained in us.

But for any kind of growth to occur, a certain amount of discomfort is unavoidable.

Asking “what do I want?” can be hard at first. Especially if you aren’t in the habit of asking yourself this question on all things big and small.¬† So start small. Ask yourself constantly. Drive yourself a little crazy. In a mad world, the crazy man is the truly sane one.

At first you may overdo this. In fact, you should overdo this. There’s incredible learning value in taking things to the extreme.

For instance, an incorrigible womanizer who spends and inordinate amount of time and effort on seducing women will eventually develop a skill set that only a tiny fraction of the men who have ever lived have possessed. And he will have tasted earthly delights that most men dare not dream of.

This deceptively simple (but not easy) approach has the potential to completely transform your life.

The method goes like this:

  1. Ask yourself “what do I want?”
  2. Do that thing.
  3. As a corollary to #2, don’t do the thing you don’t want to do.

The result of applying this technology to your every day thoughts and actions—both big small, significant and seemingly insignificant—is that you’ll develop tremendous self-respect, decisiveness and masculine integrity.

As a man who knows himself and knows what he wants, there can be almost no worse feeling than doing something you don’t want to do or not doing something you do¬† want to do.

Once you get the knack of it, you’ll begin to trust yourself. You’ll develop the ability to act in accordance with your deepest desires, whatever the situation may bring. This is the seed that grows into vibrant confidence, self-satisfaction and compassion.

Because the man who is at peace with himself and sees the people around him in prisons of their own making can’t help but feel tremendous compassion for his brothers and sisters.

But don’t take my word for it.¬† That’s what all the religions and ideologies want you to do. And look at how they’ve wrecked the human spirit.

Instead, simply try it for yourself. Experiment and play with this approach. Have fun with it. It’s purely existential and empirical with clearly visible results.

So try it for a week, try it for a month and if you’ve done it for a month, you won’t need any outside convincing to keep doing it for the rest of your life.

Here’s to doing what you want!

You can find Vincent Vinturi’s books here and his blog here.

Read Next: What the Fuck is Your Excuse? R. Stevie Moore Edition

  • I wrote something like this about a month ago when I finally hit this stage. The “AH HAH” moment I remember I was on a date outside smoking a cigarette and I asked myself “why am I here?” I was making decisions not based on my happiness but out of boredom and pussy that I didn’t really want anymore and thus wasting my time. Part of this too is having an abundant mentality, sometimes I would force myself to do things because my logic was you don’t want to “miss” out. So I would never say no to invites or dates even if the logistics where insane and really putting me out of my way for people with very little value and offering not much in return other than an “experience.” So maybe it was good for gaining experience but after awhile enough is enough you know how the game works, Roosh said 25 and he’s pretty much dead on. When you start turning people down at first you feel guilty for saying “no” but after a little while you start to love it, at this point I do it for fun. This translates to your willingness to walk away, which people especially girls can smell on you. A funny thing happens though, because the more willing you are to leave, the more selfish you are, the more you are rewarded. With girls, friends, etc. people try and please you.

  • I agree with the general idea of the post. This part seemed out of place to me:

    “Not the politically-colored, capitalistic, Ayn Randian concept of selfishness, but rather the simple, innocent selfishness of a child.”

    What is the difference? It appears to be the agency of an adult for independence, in particular economic independence and interdependence only by voluntary consent. Being a child is not an end goal of nature, and neither is childish innocence.

    The saying is: “It’s a man’s world.” The problem is that only men, not women, make society, make culture, and we men have been stripped of our agency to shape the world, to make civilization. We know what the fix is.

    Ayn Rand would never write this:

    “It doesn’t serve the political systems that seek to enslave and exploit you. It doesn’t serve the religious systems, who want you to piss your life away praying to the clouds and feeling guilty about your morning hard-on. And it doesn’t serve the economic system that depends upon you being an efficient worker bee in a stinking office.”

    She would write something like this from Atlas Shrugged, Ch. X, “The Sign of the Dollar:”

    “Any man who tried to play straight, had to refuse himself everything. He lost his taste for any pleasure, he hated to smoke a nickel’s worth of tobacco or chew a stick of gum, worrying whether somebody had more need for that nickel. He felt ashamed of every mouthful of food he swallowed, wondering whose weary nights of overtime had paid for it, knowing that his food was not his by right, miserably wishing to be cheated rather than to cheat, to be a sucker, but not a blood-sucker. He wouldn’t marry, he wouldn’t help his folks back home, he wouldn’t put an extra burden on ‘the family.’ Besides, if he still had some sort of sense of responsibility, he couldn’t marry or bring children into the world, when he could plan nothing, promise nothing, count on nothing. But the shiftless and the irresponsible had a field day of it. They bred babies, they got girls into trouble, they dragged in every worthless relative they had from all over the country, every unmarried pregnant sister, for an extra ‘disability allowance,’ they got more sicknesses than any doctor could disprove, they ruined their clothing, their furniture, their homes—what the hell, ‘the family’ was paying for it! They found more ways of getting in ‘need’ than the rest of us could ever imagine—they developed a special skill for it, which was the only ability they showed.”

    This ideal (I think impractical at times) was in Atlas Shrugged:

    I SWEAR BY MY LIFE AND MY LOVE OF IT THAT I
    WILL NEVER LIVE FOR THE SAKE OF ANOTHER
    MAN, NOR ASK ANOTHER MAN TO LIVE FOR MINE.

    I think it can pay to play along and bid one’s time for a better opportunity to live for himself, the the spirit is exactly right, and not much different than this post. The practical philosophical advice is solid, sorely needed in Murica. Maybe this is an emotive sticking point that explains a distaste for identifying with the Rand brand:

    “Because the man who is at peace with himself and sees the people around him in prisons of their own making can’t help but feel tremendous compassion for his brothers and sisters.

    “But don’t take my word for it.¬† That’s what all the religions and ideologies want you to do. And look at how they’ve wrecked the human spirit.”

    Compassion for your own subjugation and misery? Do ‘we’ get the government and economy we deserve? I have contempt for this ‘we’ shit, and I feel good about it.

    Saul Alinsky, Rules for Radicals, p. 23:

    “A major revolution to be won in the immediate future is the dissipation of man’s illusion that his own welfare can be separated from that of all others. … A major revolution to be won in the immediate future is the dissipation of man’s illusion that his own welfare can be separated from that of all others.”

    p. 103:

    “The organizer’s job is to inseminate an invitation for himself, to agitate, introduce ideas, get people pregnant with
    hope and change and to identify you as the person most qualified for this purpose.”

    Emotive arguments are blue-pill hooks. Emotive values are blue-pill hook points. A civilized man sublimates his emotions, his hate and his compassion, to express them with suitable purpose according to his wisdom, which we hope he develops through exercising what he wants and the study of history and philosophy.

  • Fix to Alinsky quote from Rules for Radicals, meant to illustrate how ‘our’ compassion for others defined by others can make use subverted slaves to others:

    p. 23 “A major revolution to be won in the immediate future is the dissipation of man’s illusion that his own welfare can be separated from that of all others. … The fact is that it is not man’s “better nature” but his self-interest that demands that he be his brother’s keeper. We now live in a world where no man can have a loaf of bread while his neighbor has none. If he does not share his bread, he dare not sleep, for his neighbor will kill him. To eat and sleep in safety man must do the right thing, if for seemingly the wrong reasons, and be in practice his brother’s keeper.”

  • K

    “choose yourself” by James Altucher is a recommendable book to read for those thinking in line with this article.

    Great article, just renforcing what I’m currently learning for myself.

  • Maddog

    This philosophy lacks a basic understanding of necessity and duty, and above all responsibility. To be selfish is to be true to yourself. You’re headed in the right direction with that. But you err in that it does not mean to “do always what you want and only what you want.”

    There is a great deal of difference between the selfishness of a man and the selfishness of a child. You espouse a prepubescent sort of selfishness, which demands that which it desires exactly when it desires it, and thinks not of any consequences. This is excusable in a child, as their brains are not yet developed enough to contemplate second or third order effects, but not in a grown adult.

    There is another word for the selfishness of a man: Integrity. A mature sort of selfishness (i.e. integrity) means being true to ones higher values, living life with a sense of honor. It does not mean satisfying one’s immediate desires without any consideration of consequence.

    The child can afford a childish selfishness because he is a dependent. He has parents or guardians who will provide for him.

    The man cannot. This is because the man has responsibilities.

    Take for example the wage-earner. He wants to call in sick. If he does this, he can’t earn his wage. If he can’t earn his wage, he can’t pay for rent, gas, food, etc. Thus, he can’t survive for long, unless he returns to a child-like state of dependence (on his parents, his girlfriend, the government, etc).

    Or take the soldier. He doesn’t want to go on patrol. There are men out there who want to kill him. There are IEDs, hidden and waiting to destroy him. He is tired. He is hungry. He misses his home and family and friends. He is afraid. But if he doesn’t go on patrol, his squad will be short a man. That leaves them exposed, and makes things even more dangerous for them. One, or many, of his friends may die. And if every man among them chooses not to go? Then the war is lost. They’ll be enslaved or killed in their sleep.

    Or take the father. He wants to spend the weekend partying. His son has a football game on Saturday. If he spends Friday night at the bar, he’ll be in no condition to watch his son play. What’s more, if he spends his extra money on his own entertainment, he can’t afford to pay for his son to be in little league, or buy an xbox, or go to college.

    This philosophy you propose works for the child. But when a grown man adopts such a philosophy, he’s not a child or a “real” man. He’s a parasite.

    The only man that your philosophy works for is the parasite.

    I would suggest that you grow up, and learn the meaning of responsibility, as that is the only way you’ll live a meaningful life. But you’re absolutely welcome to ignore me and continue living as you do. True men will support you, some out of pity, but most because the degenerate that you are is not worthy of their concern, and they’ll not give you the satisfaction of letting you know what a worthless burden you truly are.

    And yes, I’m a faggot.

    [CensorBot sendz his regards. Lzozlzozlzolzoz!]

  • Robert What?

    Thanks for the compelling article. There is another aspect to it to consider: many men after years of ingrained self-denial or even self-abasement no longer know what they actually want to do. The first step might not be to “do what you want” but to actually figure out what that is. For example take the idea of taking a motorcycle trip across the country. Also assume there are no pressing respobsibilies preventing him from doing so. The idea of doing something like that for himself might have been so beaten into him as selfish or irresponsible that he might believe he doesn’t want it. I know – that could describe me (excluding the motorcycle part). It took coming across the ‘sphere a year or so ago that made me start to realign my thinking.