Author Archives: Matt Forney

This is a brief but hilarious collection of travel stories, detailing how English Teacher X actually became English Teacher X; he had been backpacking around the world and didn’t want to go home. Starting from his early days in Bangkok, ETX’s strange career takes him to Seoul to New York City back to Thailand, and then to Prague and Russia, dropping acid, fucking girls and encountering a bizarre menagerie of degenerates and washouts:

One teacher said English Teacher D had come to the door one night staggering and slurring and asked, “Have you got a knife? The thinner and sharper the better.”

Figuring English Teacher D intended to kill himself or someone else, the teacher declined, but found out later English Teacher D had just locked himself out and wanted to jimmy the lock. He woke up most of his neighbors asking for a knife.

I think I can safely say it was a bit unnerving, having this strange wasted little troll of a man show up at your door asking for a sharp knife.

My biggest criticism of To Travel Hopelessly is that it largely lacks an underlying narrative structure. The stories are organized in chronological order, but there’s nothing beyond that, making the book feel like a series of vaguely related short stories instead of an organized, cohesive work. While the new edition (released in June 2012) has a much improved ending and some additional chapters (I initially wrote this review after reading the original edition), the book might have been slightly improved had ETX ended it with his adventures in Prague and saving the Russia section for his Vodkaberg memoir:

Here I discovered that there were indeed a few Korean girls who wanted to remain virgins. She would not permit anything “below the waist” to happen. “Hajima!” (Enough!) she gasped as I repeatedly tried to get my hand into her jeans. Finally, I just took my cock out and jacked off, which she encouraged.

Afterwards she avoided me and refused to speak to me beyond polite greetings.

Nonetheless, if you’re into sick, graphic tales of overseas debauchery, To Travel Hopelessly is a good read.

Click here to buy To Travel Hopelessly.

Read Next: Guide to Teaching English Abroad by English Teacher X

The Columbine Pilgrim is one of those books that is viscerally disgusting and shocking, yet at the same time, you’re thankful for reading it because it fills you with hope. Just a glimmer of hope, but it’s there.

I should warn you though: this book is not for the squeamish.

I described Andy Nowicki in my Considering Suicide review as a guy who has mastered the art of using modernity’s own language and ethos to skewer it, and The Columbine Pilgrim is his finest work to date. The plot concerns Tony Meander, a lifelong loser who was mercilessly bullied and harassed in high school. The first part of the book concerns his “pilgrimage” to Columbine High School; having elevated Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold to the status of demigods, we’re left to watch Meander relive his teenage torment in wrenching detail:

But I did no such thing. Instead, I saw myself shake, in fact, tremble with fear and embarrassment. And on this day, of all days, Patti seemed in a particularly frisky and sadistic mood, and uninclined to leave anything to anyone’s imagination. She grabbed my neck, put her face close to mine, practically within kissing range, and her tone changed to one of frank disgust.

“Have you got an erection, Tony?” she spat. “Who do you think you are, anyway? You really think I find you hot or something? You want to fuck me? Listen, you pathetic retard . . . YOU WILL NEVER FUCK ME. NEVER!”

This is why you should buy The Columbine Pilgrim: it’s the most brutal and honest depiction of omegahood you’ll find in modern literature. I unfavorably compared Frost’s Generation of Men to Columbine Pilgrim for that reason; where Frost’s presentation of omega is contrived and hackneyed, Nowicki’s is frank and in-your-face, enough so that it makes Meander’s fall from grace all the more breathtaking.

That’s the other reason why The Columbine Pilgrim succeeds: it’s complicated. It would have been really easy to turn it into a sentimental morality tale about the evils of intolerance, but Nowicki resists that urge with gusto. Meander may have been unfairly persecuted, but his suffering doesn’t make him into a better human being; on the contrary, it turns him into a snarling, egomaniacal monster. Indeed, Nowicki takes a few cracks at those obnoxiously didactic types at the end of the book:

“This one guy, [name redacted], stopped me in the hall one day, and asked me if I wanted an M&M. Some other guys behind him were snickering when he said this, so I knew they were up to no good. I said, ‘no thanks.’ But then they surrounded me, started smacking me across the head, threatened to beat me up, stared calling me a ‘pud’ and a ‘sped,’ and stuff, and I saw that if didn’t do what they said, things would just get worse, so I took the M&M and ate it in front of them, which just made them all bust out laughing. [Name redacted] told me that the M&M had been on the crack of his dick. I felt sick, and they laughed at me again, called me ‘cum-eater,’ and smacked me around some more before the tardy bell rang . . . This was par for the course. Every day it was something. Everybody knew, and nobody tried to stop it.”

The Columbine Pilgrim is not an easy book. It’s not something that will make you laugh, nor is it the kind of book you take into the bathroom with you. It’s a book that you’ll be turning over in your mind for days after you finish it. Nowicki’s characterization, tone and storytelling are perfect, and he respects his readers’ intelligence. If you buy only one book of his, it should be this.

Click here to buy The Columbine Pilgrim.

Read Next: Considering Suicide by Andy Nowicki

Hallelujah, praise Jesus! Those of us who were hoping that Roosh would write another memoir have had our prayers answered with Why Can’t I Use a Smiley Face? While it’s not the epic adventure that A Dead Bat in Paraguay was, Smiley Face is a demonstrable improvement over 30 Bangs and a poignant tale in its own right.

As the subtitle states, Smiley Face is about when Roosh returned home to the U.S. for a month last year after spending close to two years traveling across Europe. What happens when a man who’s found poosy paradise in Poland, insulted portly, feminist harridans in Denmark and visited nearly a dozen other countries reunites with people he’s known his entire life who haven’t had similar adventures? Ennui and alienation:

When you don’t see someone for nearly two years, it only takes two minutes to feel like you never left them. It’s almost disappointing how anticlimactic returns can be. I want it to be exciting. I want to feel like the world has changed. But the world hasn’t changed. Your family and friends continue to live the same life as before you left, while you’ve done things they couldn’t possibly understand. The saddest part is that the change you go through while living abroad puts you even farther apart from those you care about most. It’s harder to identify with them, their stability, and their reluctance to dive into the life you love.

That’s the defining theme of Smiley Face: alienation. Roosh’s experiences abroad have objectively made him a better man, but they’ve also distanced him from his friends and family. Throughout the book, while Roosh sees and does many different things—gambling with his dad in Atlantic City, going out with his buddy Virgle Kent, and getting attacked by a random drunk bitch on the streets of D.C.—he is constantly confronted with a simple fact:

He no longer belongs in America.

The title of the book drives this home, as it relates to the sea change in Roosh’s attitude towards women and sex. After spending the bulk of his time abroad in eastern Europe, where women are still women and men are rewarded for being men, he finds himself ill-suited for returning to America’s screwed-up sexual marketplace. When you’ve been screwing sweet, feminine girls who actually make you feel wanted and respected, what’s the motivation to pursue androgynous, overweight termagents who punish you for being anything less than a cocky, inhumanly perfect funnyman?

A lot of guys ask me if DC is “really” that bad. A month in DC won’t kill you. Even a year won’t. But if you stay long enough, the city beats you down and changes you for the worse. You can be in the prime of your life, with testosterone raging through your body, yet you don’t even feel like getting laid.

To me, the chapters that were the most touching was when Roosh reunited with his mother and sister only to discover that they are disgusted with his life choices and think he should abandon his online empire, go back to his boring 9-to-5 job and get married. Despite all the success he’s had with his books and his blog, despite the fact that he’s living a life that most people would kill to have, they think that he should throw it all away and go back to being a mindless office slave who “respects” women. The deterioration of his relationship with his sister is especially moving, given the close relationship they had growing up:

Things cooled down and we talked about Croatia and how the culture was in some ways similar to Turkey. My sister didn’t stay in the room because the Washington Redskins game was on. I didn’t remember her being such a fan, especially since she was hooting and hollering. I said, “You know, I forgot to tell you that I’m only here for a month. When I leave there will be ten more games. Then the playoffs. Then the Super Bowl.”

“Ew, stop being an asshole,” she said. “Our lives don’t stop just because you’re in town.”

As someone who abandoned any semblance of a normal life to pursue a writing career and espouse red pill beliefs under my real name, this really got to me. The simple reality is that the very measures we men take to improve our lives have the downside of isolating us from our loved ones, who can’t and won’t follow in our footsteps. Watching people you’ve known your entire life slide into consumerist and feminist apathy is painful, mainly because we can’t do anything about it.

Roosh confronts this feeling in a way no other manosphere writer has.

The other portion of Smiley Face I liked was Roosh’s account of the big manosphere meet-up in Washington, D.C. last year. While I couldn’t attend the meet-up myself, being in the depths of the North Dakota oil basin at the time, I’m friends with Roosh, Bronan, Professor Mentu, Bill Powell and all of the other big names who turned out for it, so I have an insider’s account of what happened. That’s why I find all the “anti-game” dorks who tried to claim that the meet-up was a disaster so hilarious: they have absolutely no clue what really happened, what goes on behind the red curtain.

Roosh’s account of what happened in D.C. is not only funny to read, it will set the facts straight for anyone who’s not privy to what happens behind the scenes.

The biggest problem with Why Can’t I Use a Smiley Face? is that it lacks context. The book assumes that you’re familiar with Roosh’s blog and life story as relayed in A Dead Bat in Paraguay; if you haven’t read that book, the poignancy of Smiley Face will be lost on you. I’ve been reading Roosh’s blog for close to five years and worked with him online for three, so the book has a far greater impact on me then it would on someone who isn’t as a big a fan of him. Roosh is selling Smiley Face at the bargain price of $3 to compensate for its brevity.

Bottom line: if you already like Roosh’s writing and you’ve read Paraguay, Why Can’t I Use a Smiley Face? is an affecting and emotionally wrenching read. If you haven’t done either, pick up Paraguay first, otherwise Smiley Face won’t have much of an impact on you.

Click here to buy Why Can’t I Use a Smiley Face?

Read Next: Roosh’s Argentina Compendium: Pickup Tips, City Guides, and Stories by Roosh V

English Teacher X is precisely what the name implies: an English teacher. Between him recounting stories of boozing, whoring and drug abuse, he has some serious wisdom to impart on teaching the language overseas. To this effect, like with Andy Nowicki’s books, I’m re-reviewing all of ETX’s releases for the next few weeks, starting with his first, Guide to Teaching English Abroad.

This is a brand-new edition of the book, featuring interviews with other English teachers, more of ETX’s hilarious cartoons, and other bonuses. All of these items add up to make what is already one of the best resources out there for prospective English teachers even better:

A typical English teacher in Turkey or Thailand is very lucky to make $1,000 a month, and maybe a crappy apartment somewhere, which will often be shared with other teachers. You might make $1500 in China or Russia, but again you’ll be sharing a flat and the cost of living is now soaring in both of those places. Schools will very begrudgingly throw in a plane ticket home, at the end of the contract, and might even promise you some “health insurance,” which often just means they’ll take you to whatever is locally available in the way of free clinics.

Even if you aren’t interested in becoming an English teacher, Guide to Teaching English Abroad is absolutely worth the buy for English Teacher X’s bleak, black sense of humor and cynicism. While he doesn’t advise against it, ETX doesn’t bullshit you or try to hide the reality of the job:

“Experienced English teacher will give lessons in own home …”

Well, now that will put a lot of students off right there, won’t it? Go to a nice, well-lit, well-equipped language school with a telephone number and contracts and secretaries and such, or try to deal with some misanthropic English-teaching drop-out in his filthy crappy apartment?

Or, even better, invite this weird loser into your own home or office. Yeah, right. Better keep the silverware hidden and the liquor cabinet locked.

Also of note: until the end of March, all of English Teacher X’s Kindle books are on sale for just $2.99. At that price, you’d be a fool not to snap this one up.

Click here to buy Guide to Teaching English Abroad.

Read Next: The Freedom Twenty-Five Lifestyle Guide by Frost

Now that I’ve published my own book, I’ve decided to spend this week reviewing books by some of my favorite authors and bloggers, starting with Andy Nowicki’s debut release, Considering Suicide. I mentioned his books in passing before, but I’ve pulled that post (along with my other “Book Reviews in Brief” articles) because they didn’t do him justice. I’m now going to re-review all of Nowicki’s books once a week, leading up to his most recent (and fantastic) novel, Heart Killer.

Considering Suicide is exactly what it sounds like; an epistolary novel by a man contemplating ending his own life. This may sound like your typical nihilistic drivel, but if you think that, it’s because you don’t know Andy Nowicki. He’s a master at co-opting the language and structure of modern literature for the express purpose of mocking modernity, like a cross between Chuck Palahniuk, Louis-Ferdinand Céline and Augustine. Watching the descent of his nameless protagonist—a despondent, jobless, loveless washout—into gibbering lunacy is both funny and poignant:

Is this what all those highfalutin faggots mean when they talk about “postmodernism?” What a fucking bore. To them, it’s just parlor talk. A way to score in academia. A way to show yourself to be a thoughtful person. Faggot poseurs with goatees and black sweaters and cushy jobs sitting in an office jacking off during “office hours” and teaching useless beer-swilling bong-smoking brats another two hours a week. Faggot intellectuals. Smug, mediocre pussies. Fuck your postmodern ethos, with your futuristic architecture at your galleries and your unreadable academic essays about “semio” this and “meta” that. Fuck your trendy post-structuralist, solipsistic, opportunistic, sycophantic so-called theories. You all think you’re wild-eyed nihilists out to stick your dicks up the asses of Middle America, don’t you? You’re pathetic. You’re far more pathetic than the bourgeoisie, the object of your ridicule. At least the bourgeoisie are consistent. Their lives may be dull, and they may be stupid, but they aren’t full of themselves like you are…

I’m not a big fan of the way the book is set up, as it’s somewhat difficult to follow the action, but given Considering Suicide’s subject matter, it’s more than appropriate. If you’re looking for a dark, hilarious skewering of modern America, this novel is a must-buy.

Click here to buy Considering Suicide.

Read Next: Krista Jane Heflin’s Suicide Was a Hoax

Attention players! Tired of having sex with countless beautiful women? Annoyed that girls no longer unload their personal problems on you without giving you so much as a thank you? Ex-womanizer Roosh has the solution for you: Compliment & Cuddle!

Some of you might have read Roosh’s previous books, such as Bang and A Dead Bat in Paraguay, in which he taught you how to pick up chicks smoothly and effortlessly by helping you emphasize your qualities as a man. Turns out all that was just misogynist claptrap. Women want nice guys, who will treat them as equals and reshpect them, and Compliment & Cuddle tells you how to become the gelded man-purse of their dreams:

Step Two: Only a woman can make you realize your true manly potential. It’s definitely true that behind every great man is a strong woman, pushing him to reach his potential with friendly reminders to change his underwear or not to leave little hairs on a bar of soap. Since it’s possible that your strong woman will be too busy with her innovative paper-shuffling job at work, you’ll probably need to hire a maid to do things like scrub the toilets and polish the wooden Ikea furniture.

Joking aside, Compliment & Cuddle is not only a hilarious bit of satire, it’s also a nice compliment to Bang because it shows you precisely what girls don’t want. If you’re still engaging in any of the beta, borderline-creepy behavior Roosh outlines, you’ll want to get on that stat:

Quantity is better than quality. The key to building a friendship with a girl is to understand that it’s okay to spend endless hours with her without anything actually happening. You may recognize this technique as putting in “face time” at the office. The key is to make her so comfortable and bored around you that she can’t help but tell you personal things like how other suitors aren’t treating her as well as you do. Even reading a book with her in silence for two hours is an act she’ll appreciate.

It’s not the next Paraguay, but Compliment & Cuddle is a fun way to kill time at the dentist’s.

Click here to buy Compliment & Cuddle.

Read Next: Roosh’s Brazil Compendium: Pickup Tips, City Guides, and Stories by Roosh V

What do you think of when you think of Argentina? Wine perhaps, or Buenos Aires, “the Paris of South America.” You might also think of the women, who are some of the most gorgeous in Latin America. A damn shame that actually sleeping with one is near-impossible.

Fortunately, world-traveling player Roosh is here to save the day again.

Roosh’s Argentina Compendium is what it sounds like: a compilation of all the info Roosh has gathered on Argentine girls. Cracking their code is a near-Herculean task due to their socially retarded and conservative ways, but Roosh will arm you with the tools you need to succeed:

Turns out it is very easy to talk to Argentine girls, but hard to escalate. Every guy has a story that starts with “She was loving me” and ends with “Fuck, I don’t what happened.” I’m pretty sure that the novelty of talking to a gringo (there aren’t many here) makes them excited to chat for the first 20 minutes or so, giving me the impression that she is into me. Once the novelty wears off and the language barrier becomes more obvious and painful, things fade out. So you need to talk to enough girls to catch one whose attraction for you is enough to overcome the language problem. It helps if she hasn’t been laid in a while.

Argentine girls behave in a way that is borderline antisocial, going hot and cold with guys and generally playing them for fools. Pure ballsy persistence is the only way to shatter their barricades:

She texted me on a day I had mentioned I might be free, asking if I could meet up later in the evening. The plan was to simply not respond and leave her hanging, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s too mean to leave someone out there like that so I eventually replied (with an excuse, but at least she got a response). It’s almost evil how disrespectful Argentine girls can be. While we do see issues like flakiness in Colombia and even Brazil, at least those girls have the consideration to let you down easy. It seems like in Argentina the girls have a goal to make you feel like shit, at multiple points in the seduction.

Like Roosh’s other travel guides, Roosh’s Argentina Compendium goes over every detail you could possibly need to know; city guides, nightlife tips and survival advice. Rounding out the book are personal stories from his visits there.

Given the high difficulty level of bedding Argentine girls, you absolutely need to buy the Compendium if you’re planning a trip down to the land of frigid but beautiful girls.

Click here to buy Roosh’s Argentina Compendium.

Read Next: Roosh’s Brazil Compendium: Pickup Tips, City Guides, and Stories by Roosh V

Ah Brazil, that friendly southern land known for girls with big asses and bigger smiles. Universally acknowledged as an easy country for Westerners to score… provided they don’t mind banging prostitutes or favela rats. But what if you prefer girls who aren’t trashy and cheap?

Never fear, Roosh is here, once again.

The man’s love for Brazilian women is well-known, and Roosh’s Brazil Compendium is a compilation of all of his writing on the subject. Curious gringos will be sated, as Roosh doesn’t spare any details, telling you everything you could possibly want to know:

If the average girl in an American club ranks a 5, and in an Argentina club she ranks a 7, in Brazil she’d be somewhere between a 6 and 7. This means the average Brazilian girl is bangable, but what separates them from the others is their vibe. If you are a guy and you look at a Brazilian girl, your mind jumps to sexual thoughts much faster than usual. Since it is not because she is more attractive, I think it’s a combination of body type and body language. Having a larger than average ass helps. Argentine girls are beautiful dolls you want to show off on your arm, but Brazilian girls you want to get to the bedroom as soon as possible. American girls are a mixture, excelling at neither.

“Big deal, those girls are poor and desperate and would sleep with any gringo for a green card.” Not so fast, holmes. Unlike in most countries where being foreign is a plus, Brazil is enough of a tourist hotspot that your nationality no longer makes you exotic:

There’s a guy I knew in Rio who spoke very good Portuguese, something you’d think would increase his chances of banging a lot of Brazilians, but it hasn’t done anything of the sort because his ability is merely driving him to girls who don’t already like gringos. He has a ton of conversations in Portuguese that go absolutely nowhere. His language skill merely delays the inevitable rejection.

If you want to hit it in Brazil, you need to be aggressive and sharp looking. Hit the gym, get some good threads and don’t be a pushover. Unless your idea of a hot date is paying a dirt-poor slum girl to give you a blowjob, you’ll have to work for it almost as hard as you do in America… but the payoff is far better than what home has to offer.

If you’ve got a hankering for sweet girls with huge asses, Roosh’s Brazil Compendium is a must-buy.

Click here to buy Roosh’s Brazil Compendium.

Read Next: Bang: The Pickup Bible That Helps You Get More Lays by Roosh V

Long before Roosh was searching for poosy paradise in the darkest corners of eastern Europe, he was traveling across South America seeking to crack the code that is Latin women. Bang Colombia is the very first travel guide he ever published, and it remains one of his more interesting due to its in-depth analysis of one of the continent’s most overlooked countries.

When most Americans think of Colombia, they think of either cocaine or the decades-long civil war that’s been slow-boiling in the country’s jungles. They also know that it’s supposedly one of the most dangerous places to travel in Latin America. Thing is, most Americans are stupid, as Roosh goes into detail about the reality on the ground:

Whenever someone “jokes” with me about getting kidnapped in Colombia, I know they’re an idiot who has probably never stepped outside of the United States. Kidnapping should be your absolute last concern. You have a bigger chance of killing yourself in a bathtub or choking on a jellybean, but if you want to go on an unguided tour in parts of the jungle where the FARC are known to have a presence, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make out a will beforehand.

But what are the women like? If you’re looking for passionate girls with curvy bodies and Catholic hangups, Colombia’s your place:

The Colombian girl is definitely not afraid of falling in love quickly and would rather do so than “play the field” like American girls (consider that in Colombia there’s no word for “dating” or “seeing” someone—you’re either a friend or a boyfriend). Since she’s more nervous about losing her man, she’ll be better tuned to serving your emotional and physical needs, assuming two things: (1) she’s at least twenty-one years old and has prior experience with men, and (2) you keep your game tight by remaining aloof and only slightly caring.

Unfortunately, Colombian girls are not only jealous and nosy, they’re flaky as all hell and difficult to approach due to the country’s second world status. You’ll have to pull out all the stops if you want your flag, including making use of the dreaded Internet, ordinarily the refuge of the socially stunted and unfuckable. If you’re a day game kind of guy, Colombia is ideal for you because it’s one of the few countries where it’s unequivocally superior to going to the bars.

My biggest disappointment with Bang Colombia is that it lacks the personal stories that Roosh usually includes with his travel guides. Given that this was his first one, though, that’s forgivable. If you’re interested in laying the women of this intriguing country, you’ll want to pick up Bang Colombia ASAP.

Click here to buy Bang Colombia.

Read Next: Don’t Bang Denmark: How to Sleep with Danish Women in Denmark (if You Must) by Roosh V

How many times have you heard some variant of this argument in the manosphere:

“I HATE having to be a cocky, arrogant asshole, but that’s what the girls want me to be. I’d be perfectly happy being a nice guy, a husband and a father, but women these days are mentally ill sluts, not worth marrying.”

My advice: don’t turn it into a drinking game. You’ll be dead within two hours.

As the old saw goes, if you deny reality, it will quickly work against you. You can either stand athwart history sniffling about how the world won’t conform to your expectations, or you can adapt. The women of America and the West in general expect their men to be borderline sociopathic, aloof jerks, so that’s what men are becoming. And given that the women themselves are overweight, masculinized nags, it’s not like you’re going to be able to live the 2.5 children and white picket fence dream, unless you want to raise obese, overmedicated defectives.

Surely there’s a way out, a land where women are women and still like their men manly but gentle.

Everyone’s favorite globe-hopping player, Roosh, has found the Holy Grail of femininity. After leaving South America in ruins, getting blackout drunk with Icelandic girls and surviving the feminist hell that is Denmark, he landed in Poland to discover cute, big-bosomed girls who not only wanted to sleep with him, but make him breakfast the morning after. What was a planned one-month stay became seven, with Bang Poland being the result.

If you’re sick of mannish sluts and are looking for a woman you might actually want to be the mother of your children, you must read this book.

Eastern Europe is widely acknowledged as the closest things to poosy paradise on earth; it seems economic Marxism does a good job of insulating cultures from the cultural Marxism that’s destroyed the West. But all the big countries—Russia, the Czech Republic, Latvia—have been picked clean since the fall of the Wall. Poland is the one former Iron Curtain country that’s (largely) evaded notice from the stag parties and mail order bride-seeking sleazebags:

A Polish girl gets pleasure if you’re experiencing pleasure, similar to the vibe of Brazilian women. It may not come early in the relationship, but don’t be surprised if down the line she does things to show that she wants to take care of you. I loved it whenever a Polish girl would insist on cleaning my house, offering to cook for me, or making genuine offers to take care of me when I was sick. Trust me when I say that it never got old. The result of that nurturing trait is that it becomes obvious she’d make a great mother. I dated a couple Polish girls that made me think, “If I were to have a kid, I’d want to have it with her.” That thought has never occurred to me when dating in the United States. Polish women made me want to be a provider—a strong man who could maintain a home and take care of her financially.

It’s folk wisdom that a misogynist is nothing more than a jilted romantic, and Bang Poland reinforces this. Roosh has a rep for being abrasive yet truthful about women, but his stay in Poland melted his seemingly icy heart:

I got sloppy in Poland, blasting inside many a Polish girl. Subconsciously I wanted to impregnate them because I knew that my bloodline would be taken care of by a good mother. Maybe in fifteen years I’ll get a knock on the door from a hairy Polish person who claims I’m his father. That would be cool.

It’s not perfect, though. Beyond Poland’s relatively bland culture and unenjoyable winter weather, the dating culture is far more conservative than most Americans are used to. Don’t expect to get your notch the same night you meet a girl. Still, given the sweetness and womanliness of Polish girls, why would this deter you? Are you mad? Do you enjoy hanging around crazy sluts?

If you’re more of a patriarch than a player, you owe it to yourself to pick up Bang Poland. America may suck, but there’s still a glimmer of hope out there on the Eastern front.

Click here to buy Bang Poland.

Read Next: Don’t Bang Latvia, Bang Estonia, and Bang Lithuania by Roosh V