Matt Forney
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Make Your Face Beautiful with Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay

Premature aging is a serious problem, particularly if you’re a white American. Not only is the sugar-centric typical American diet turning you into a sack of fat, the things you aren’t doing are also hurting you. Most of what people consider to be “natural” aging is in fact entirely preventable sun damage. Unless you live in Canada or northern Europe, you’re supposed to be wearing sunscreen every time you leave the house (yes, even when it’s cloudy out). Even if you aren’t outside long enough to get a sunburn, mere exposure to UVA radiation will cause your skin to age faster and increase your risk of cancer. It’s even possible to get sunburned in the winter if you live in the northern U.S.; I once got a burn during a biathlon in upstate New York.

But sunscreen isn’t enough: you need to go beyond, and the best way to do this is with a face mask.

I know what you’re thinking. “What the fuck is wrong with you! Face masks are for women and fags!” If that’s what you actually believe, you probably look ten years older than your biological age. I actually give a crap about my personal appearance, which is why I’m constantly seeking out solutions to slow down and reverse aging.

For the longest time, I used Clearasil pads on my face like a acne-riddled teenager. I haven’t had zits since I was a teenager, but keeping your face clean doesn’t stop being important just because your cheeks aren’t covered in disgusting, pus-filled craters. On a recommendation from a friend, I bought Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay a while back. This stuff was good enough to make me ditch the Clearasil for good.

Indian Healing Clay: Feel the Burn!

Aztec Secret isn’t exactly shy when it comes to marketing. The label declares the clay to be the “World’s Most Powerful Facial” and admonishes you to “FEEL YOUR FACE PULSATE!” Actually using the stuff is simple: you drop a chunk of it in a bowl, mix it with apple cider vinegar (raw vinegar with the “mother,” not the filtered stuff you find in most supermarkets) and/or water, then smear it on your face. Wait twenty minutes and then wash it off with warm water.

But face masks are a scam, right? There’s no way this stuff could actually work, right?

Wrong. The first time I applied the healing clay, I could feel it working. After about three minutes or so of wearing the stuff, your face is enveloped in an orgiastic pulling sensation, like you’re getting the most sensual massage in the world. After a few more minutes, you’ll then feel your skin start to tighten and retract into your body. Finally, after washing it off in the shower (the stuff adheres to your skin so snugly that regular washing in the sink won’t work), you can see and feel what it’s done to you. Every time I use Aztec Secret healing clay, my pores are completely cleansed and my face is actually a deep red, like I’d spent an hour in the sun.

The best part of Aztec Secret is that it’s ludicrously economical. A pound of the stuff costs less than a 90-pack of Clearasil pads and will last a lot longer, as you only need to use a tiny chunk when you need a cleansing. Not only that, it works so well that you only need to use it twice a week at most.

I can easily see my jar of clay lasting a year or more.

My only problem with Aztec Secret is the aforementioned difficulty of getting it off. I’ve resorted to using warm water in the shower to wash it off, breaking (sort of) my dedication to cold showers (spraying ice-cold water in your face for ninety seconds straight is a great way to get a headache). But this is a minor issue. If you want to slow aging, fight wrinkles and make your face look great, I unequivocally recommend Aztec Secret.

Click here to buy Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay.

Read Next: Why Can’t I Use a Smiley Face? Stories from One Month in America by Roosh V