Matt Forney
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Choose Your Own Sexuality!

Just when you think our era can’t get any more comical, the freaks manage to go even lower:

Democrat Mary Gonzalez was the first lesbian to openly serve in the Texas House of Representatives, and now she’s becoming the first “pansexual,” too.

“During the campaign if I had identified as pansexual, I would have overwhelmed everyone…Now that I’m out of the campaign, I’m completely much more able to define it,” she explained.

Yeah, “pansexual.” If I’m remembering my etymology of the English language correctly, that means she’s basically attracted to everything: men, women, trannies, housepets, inanimate objects, the whole nine yards. Right? Wrong:

Though many might describe Gonzalez’s orientation as bisexual, pansexuals don’t believe in a “gender binary,” and hence can be attracted to all gender identities.

Gonzalez specified to the Voice that she doesn’t believe in a gender binary because “gender identity isn’t the defining part of my attraction,” and that she never fully embraced the term “lesbian.” Although she came out as bisexual at age 21, Gonzalez said she has also dated transgender and “gender-queer” people, in addition to women.

Remember, gender is only a social construct, meaning people can pull all sorts of cutesy sexual identities out of their asses and you just have to deal with it, you heteronormative bigot. You might think that a woman who’s attracted to men who identify as women and women who identify as men is just a plain old bisexual, because if a person looks like a man, talks like a man, and pisses like a man, it’s a man. You would be wrong.

Well, two can play this game.

I’m coming out of the closet: I am a softharemsexual. That is, I’m only willing to enter into a serious relationship with a girl if she lets me bang other women on the side. It’s not polyamory, because I won’t love any of those other bitches; in fact, I’d probably have to restrain myself from slapping them if they weren’t hot and slutty. And my number one girl doesn’t get the same privileges: she has to stay faithful or she’s out on her ass. Anything less and my dick powers down like the Energizer bunny on a dead battery.

And the best part of being a softharemsexual? You can’t criticize me for it!

See, what I do in the bedroom is a personal choice and it’s none of your business, you monogamous breeder squares. I have the freedom to do whatever I want sexually so long as I’m not hurting anyone and everyone consents, so get over itMy pretend sexuality is not your concern, which is why I’m writing this blog post loudly proclaiming it to the world: it doesn’t matter! ‘Cause that makes logical sense, right?


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