Matt Forney
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Diary of a Manospambot

I posted this over at Roosh’s forum a few days ago, but I thought it was too good to let languish there, so I’m republishing it here. Enjoy! (Click here for the post’s inspiration.)

I awoke with a pounding headache, last night’s drunken revelry calling my body’s tab. I drowsily smacked the Snooze button on my alarm clock, pulled the crusty sock off of my post-slumber erection, and groggily trudged over to the bathroom to prepare for my shift at Starbucks.

Angry at failing yet again to lay one of the hypergamous bitches of my hometown of Buffalo, New York, I arrived at work unshaven and irritated. My boss, the chain-smoking whore, chided me for being five minutes late. I fantasized about the entire city evaporating in a mushroom cloud as I walked over to the espresso machine.

After three hours of serving pumpkin spice lattes, it was lunchtime. I took my sack lunch (peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off, a banana and a Coke) and maundered over to Barnes & Noble to take advantage of the free WiFi. After checking Roosh, Heartiste and, I pulled out my copy of Bang Ukraine and began reading. Man, Ukraine sounds like a fun place. I wish I could afford to go there.

As I read, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pair of skinny legs and heard a voice: “Yeah, I couldn’t find the right ones for her.” I looked up and saw a skinny black woman with a lighter-skinned daughter and a white man with a darker-skinned son.

My jaw damn near dropped. Omigod, a black woman who didn’t look or act like she walked out of a Tyler Perry movie? Omigod, an intact nuclear family in the year 2013? It was like seeing two unicorns rutting in a barn. My brains were blown out of my ears. I thought, “Man, I have GOT to share this with the guys on Roosh’s forum.”

Then I realized something: if they were an intact family, that means that the guy was married

“CHUMP!” I stood up, pointing at the white guy. “BETA BETA BETA!”

As they stared at me like I was some kind of gibbering lunatic, I strutted out of the store with a wicked grin. They now knew who the true alpha was.

Read Next: Compliment & Cuddle: The Beta Male Guide to Getting Laid by Roosh V