Matt Forney
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Donlak’s Guide to Girls (How to Pick Up) by Robert Donlak

I’ll be frank: when I saw that my good buddy Donlak was publishing a book on how to pick up girls, I had to stifle a groan. Do we really need another entry in this crowded field? There’s a reason why Bang and Day Bang are the only “seduction” products I promote, and it’s because not only are they worth the money, you don’t need anything else. There’s something undeniably perverse about buying up a whole bunch of books on how to pick up girls—or how to diet Paleo-style, or juice, or exercise—as if you’re looking for some magic formula that doesn’t exist.

Fortunately, Donlak’s Guide to Girls doesn’t attempt to reinvent the wheel.

It’s an extremely brief, tongue-in-cheek pamphlet on various types of girls and how to pick them up. And when I say “tongue-in-cheek,” I mean it; Donlak wisely keeps things light and amusing, though the book is meant to serve as advice. For example, here’s a sample from his section on “The Feminist”:

If, and only if, you are a masochist and like to feel pain and torture, should you open a feminist. In fact, the feminist has the highest risk of accusing you of rape for any action. In order to not get labelled a rapist, you will need to be both extremely alpha and charming, or a walking doormat whom she can abuse often while still propping up her entitled complex. As an alpha, you want to open her with something that implies indifference and even annoyance. Mention anything but feminism or liberalism and you’ll be good to continue, as long as she’s been hooked on your good looks from the get go. If you’re a boot licking man-boob, you need to rethink your life. You should put this book down.

Each chapter starts off with a drawing of the girl in question (“The Virgin,” “The Hipster Chick,” and “The Dumb Girl” among them) and a list of stats such as purse size and cell phone usage before diving into the advice proper. Donlak’s advice is short and to the point, perhaps a little too to the point, as the book lacks any kind of introduction, though I suppose this isn’t a big deal.

My problems with the Guide are two. One, the editing errs on the side of sloppy; while it’s far from the worst I’ve ever seen, Donlak uses comma splices a little too much for my liking. Two, for its brief length (I finished it in ten minutes), I think $3.50 is too high a price; $0.99-1.99 would be more reasonable in my opinion. This may make me sound like a cheapskate, but I price my own books according to this principle: for example, the reason why The Hitchhiking Crash Course is so cheap is because it’s a relatively short book that appeals to a very narrow audience.

Still, for what it is, Donlak’s Guide to Girls is an amusing and informative title. It won’t replace the bigger seduction guides, but it will augment your knowledge and give you a few chuckles as well.

Click here to buy Donlak’s Guide to Girls (How to Pick Up).

Read Next: Day Bang: How to Casually Pick Up Girls During the Day by Roosh V