Matt Forney
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Don’t Get Married Because You Are Tired of Drinking! The 50 New Rules of Modern Dating by the Captain Power

The Captain Power’s second book, it’s a demonstrable improvement over Work Out, Lose Weight and Stop Being Single in just about every fashion, from organization and editing to content. While not as feature-packed as that book, Don’t Get Married Because You Are Tired of Drinking! is a funny read.

The book’s “50 New Rules” are a collection of anecdotes and observations the Captain has made over the years, ranging from the serious to the comical. Everything is delivered in the Captain’s typical braggadocious, tongue-in-cheek style; I was cracking up every other chapter:

In the unfortunate event that you ever come down with some type of disease, you should know EXACTLY who gave it to you, and you should be able to handle the situation with the other party involved.

It is the same with getting pregnant.

The care of orphaned children has been a societal problem from before Jesus Christ, and although we can now track down potential fathers using DNA testing, it is best to only sleep with one man in between menstrual cycles.

The Captain Power covers love, marriage and the baby carriage and everything in between with chapters like “If You’re Not Sure Which Person Gave You Herpes, You Are Having Too Much Sex” and “Don’t Get Someone Pregnant Because You Were Too Lazy to Masturbate.” Each of the chapters is relatively brief; I breezed through the book in about a half-hour.

While some of the advice the Captain gives is old news, his take on everything is fresh and funny as usual.

While Don’t Get Married’s editing could be better in spots, it’s still an amusing book and worth checking out.

Click here to buy Don’t Get Married Because You Are Tired of Drinking!

Read Next: Work Out, Lose Weight and Stop Being Single by the Captain Power