Matt Forney
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The Eternal Solipsism of the Female Mind

NOTE: NOTE: This article was originally published at In Mala Fide on October 6, 2009. I’m re-posting it here as the site is now defunct. This is not the original version of the article, but an expanded edition I wrote for a book project that never saw the light of day; it was the one included in Three Years of Hate.

If I had to pick a random word to describe women, one of the ones I could choose is “solipsistic.” Solipsism is defined according to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary as “a theory holding that the self can know nothing but its own modifications and that the self is the only existent thing” or “extreme egocentrism.” The female of the species is a master at absorbing herself in her own thoughts and neuroses and projecting them onto men.

Granted, not all women are equally solipsistic. It’s like breasts. Some women have dainty, delicate A-cups; some very fortunate girls have heaving, delicious double-Ds; still more unlucky gals have barely noticeable bee stings. So it is with self-absorption: some women are more self-centered and clueless than others. A woman’s inherent solipsism is also affected by her surrounding environment. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 represents almost no solipsistic tendencies and 10 represents near-fatal levels of solipsism, American women would clock in at 9. For comparison’s sake, Canadian women would be 8, Brits would be 10, Chinese women would be 5, and Russians would be 3. These are completely unscientific estimates based on a combination of personal experience and crude stereotypes, but I stick by them.

It’s no accident that American women and other women from Western, feminist countries are utterly self-absorbed and ignorant. Much like how the FDA’s policies encourage Americans to wolf down junk food until they’re fat enough to crush asteroids in their Roche limits, Western pop culture in general and American culture in particular impute all sorts of idiotic and self-defeating ideas in womens’ minds. American female solipsism is so pervasive and commonplace that no one notices it anymore; it’s like air.

The raging solipsism of the American female mind is most obvious when it comes to the realm of sexual attraction. Virtually all women in the U.S. suffer from the delusion that men find the same qualities attractive in them that they find in men. From career women who lament that their accomplishments don’t give men erections to living lardballs claiming that men aren’t lining up to date them because of peer pressure against “plus-sized” gals, women are unparalleled when it comes to assigning their prejudices and desires to the male. Even on issues on which men and women are visibly different, such as the effect of aging on sexual attractiveness, women can’t stop digging in their hole of projection, as evidenced by the myth of “andropause” (male menopause) and the ludicrous new claim that men have a biological clock. The popularity of Eat, Pray, Love, a memoir (and movie) about a woman who divorces her husband to travel the world sucking and fucking exotic cock and shoveling down pallets of fattening Italian food is just one example of how modern society encourages women to be selfish and solipsistic.

All this is not to imply that men are incapable of solipsism and projection. To paraphrase Mark Twain, all I care to know that a man is a human being: that is enough for me; he can’t possibly be any worse. Men are certainly capable of projecting their desires onto women, but the crucial difference is that male solipsism isn’t encouraged by society and pop culture, and men who are solipsistic are mocked by everyone and sometimes prosecuted. See the case of New York congressman Anthony Weiner, who became a national laughingstock in 2011 when he was caught sending pictures of his dick to women he was chatting up over the Internet. Men, being visual creatures first and foremost, can and will get turned on by the wiggly bits of any attractive girl they lay eyes on; women typically don’t get horny looking at the private parts of strange men. When a girl a man doesn’t know flashes her tits at him, he thinks “Awesome!”when a man a girl doesn’t know flashes his penis at her, she thinks “Eww, gross!”

Female sexual solipsism and projection are the primary reasons why women’s dating advice is useless. Let’s look at the Bible of modern dating advice for women, The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. What The Mystery Method is to men, The Rules is to women; it’s sold millions of copies since it was published in 1995, it’s been featured on Oprah, its authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider have written numerous sequels, and the two even run a dating advice firm to help women unlucky in love. What kind of attitudes does The Rules try to inculcate in women? Not good ones:

Rule 1: Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other”

Rule 2: Don’t Talk to a Man First (and Don’t Ask Him to Dance)

Rule 3: Don’t Stare at Men or Talk Too Much

Rule 4: Don’t Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date

Rule 5: Don’t Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls

Rule 6: Always End Phone Calls First

Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

Rule 8: Fill Up Your Time before the Date

Rule 11: Always End the Date First

Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day

Rule 13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week

Rule 14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date

Rule 15: Don’t Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy

Sexual politics, like all politics, is about gaining the upper hand. These rules are intended to help women extract as much out of men as possible with minimal effort, which is fair enough, but they don’t work because they don’t take into account the different criteria by which men and women evaluate prospective mates.

Women ascertain a man’s sexual desirability primarily through his social dominance. This is a multifaceted criterium, incorporating not only looks, but physical fitness, the power he wields in society (e.g. how much money he has), his personal confidence and other factors. Because of this quirk of womens’ psyches, a man who isn’t naturally attractive can make himself more desireable by becoming successful in his career, working out at the gym, and/or altering his behavior (typically referred to as “game”).

Men ascertain a woman’s sexual desirability through her looks, and all other metrics are tertiary at best. If she makes his penis hard, she’s a worthy conquest. This ensures that women who aren’t wildebeests will have an endless stream of dudes looking to bring their battering rams crashing through her iron gates of life, but it has a downside; a woman’s options for improving her sexual market value are limited. The reason a 20-year old co-ed can play the coy coquette and a 35-year old cougar has to force herself onto guys is because the former has qualities men desire (youth and beauty) that the latter doesn’t and can never get back. Exceptionally attractive girls have a good deal of leeway in regards to their behavior, but unattractive woman who prance about like they’re perfect 10s, like The Rules says they should do, isn’t going to suddenly make men think that they are 10s. They’ll just avoid her in favor of girls who are still on the same plane of reality. Men instinctively know the difference between fool’s gold and the real deal, and no games played by girls can convince them otherwise.

This is why The Rules doesn’t work; because the authors are projecting their sexual desires onto men. Many of the Rules themselves exist in the literature of game; writers like Roosh, Heartiste and Mystery encourage men to be aloof, to avoid paying for dates/buying women drinks, and to carefully ration the amount of time they spend on the phone with their girl, among other things. In his pick-up manual Bang, Roosh even goes into detail as to how many days a guy should wait before he calls back a girl he met at the bar. In their solipsism, having imbibed decades worth of feminist propaganda claiming that men and women are the same, women assume that men want the same things that they want, only to end up getting burned again and again when reality doesn’t conform to their fantasies.

Another example of female solipsism can be found in this post from the blog Gucci Little Piggy, “From the Mouths of Babes”:

Watching a girl teach another girl how to go about picking up a guy is like watching two retarded kids teach each other Advanced Thermodynamics. Last week, I witnessed a female friend trying to give a mutual female friend of ours pointers on picking up our mutual male friend. The female friend’s advice was similar to the stuff that works for guys when picking up girls. She advocated playing hard-to-get, not standing too close to him, and walking away whenever he came near. My advice was this: “Rub your tits on his nose.” Plain. And. Simple.

Even when we leave the realm of sex, women are still deeply solipsistic. Feminism, the Western ideology that purports to empower women, is in fact a massive projection of female attitudes and beliefs onto men. Take the oft-repeated feminist claim that there is a patriarchy, an “old boys’ club” that exists to give men special treatment and keep women down. As the anti-feminist writer Rob Fedders points out in his essay “When Shit Gets Sold as Soap…,” not only is the “old boys’ club” a myth, there in fact exists an “old girls’ club” in female-dominated workplaces that promotes women at the expense of men:

I have never worked at a place where the men secretly conspired to give eachother advantages over female co-workers… but I have experienced working at places where myself and my male co-workers have caught several women conspiring in secrecy to make sure that women outperformed their male co-workers. It happened when I was working in a high-pressure commission sales environment. It was a fair sized staff, 12 in sales (11 men, 1 woman), 3 in management (2 men, 1 woman), and 3 receptionists (all women). Now, don’t go thinking it was discriminatory that there were 11 men and only 1 woman on the sales staff. The General Manager tried and tried to increase the ratio of women on his staff, and hired several women while I was there, but the women he hired just kept quitting, some in tears, because they couldn’t cope with the high pressure of commission sales.

What was discovered by myself and my male co-workers, however, was that the three receptionists were sending double the amount of first-time customers & phone calls to the lone saleswoman, and the female manager was turning over double the amount of clients to the saleswoman as she was to the men.

When it was brought to the attention of the General Manager, by 11 pissed off employees, he called the only 5 females that worked at the place into a meeting and after some intense grilling, the women finally admitted that they were purposefully sending more business to the woman than the men, because they wanted to make sure that a woman was the top saleperson. And not only that, but they had discussed, in secret, how they were going to go about doing it! And let’s make this clear, every single woman that worked at that outfit was in on this secret conspiracy. Gee… sounds an awful lot like that far-fetched notion of patriarchy that women keep accusing men of… except the patriarchy-boy’s club is the wrong gender, because what was really going on there was a matriarchal girl’s club, which designed itself to discriminate based on gender.

So, I maintain that women believe in so many of these far flung notions about men because women know that women themselves do these things and therefore they rationalize that if they were men, they would discriminate against women in the same way.

There is no secret patriarchy – but there is a secret matriarchy.

Fedders goes on to name other examples of feminist projection, such as how women view men as chattel “to provide…food, clothing, shelter and luxuries for herself and her children” while simulaneously accusing men of viewing women as “objects” and chattel.

Where does the extreme, unprecedented sexual solipsism of modern females come from? While I’d argue that women are naturally more inclined to solipsism than men, the human personality is very malleable, with culture and the surrounding environment being the sculptors. The deep, abiding cluelessness of Homo americanus womanus is a product of nurture, not nature.

I personally blame the average woman’s complete disconnect from reality, owing in part to two realities of sex and biology. Women are the gatekeepers of sex; exempting rape, sex never happens unless the woman wants it to happen. Western dating and marriage culture is organized around this reality; in most cases, men are the ones who ask women out on dates and propose marriage. Additionally, womens’ sexual power peaks long before mens’ does. Because men find youth and beauty attractive, starting in her teen years, a reasonably attractive and sociable young woman can just sit back and watch the gentleman callers line up to kiss her feet. Not until her late twenties (give or take a few years depending on race and/or nationality) does her sexual power begin to wane. In contrast, no one but female pedophiles like Debra Lafave consider teenage boys to be desirable over all other age groups. Most men don’t begin to hit the peak of their sexual power until their mid- to late twenties, when they’ve established themselves in their careers and matured a little. This is why, despite feminist propaganda, most intergenerational relationships and marriages consist of an older man and a younger woman, not the other way around. Because of these factors, Western women can spend a good portion of their lives sailing on a cloud of fantasy.

Not only that, what Heartiste terms the “Four Sirens of the Sexual Apocalypse,” the four great social and technological changes that have enabled unrestrained female hypergamy (the desire for men at the top of the socioeconomic food chain to the exclusion of everyone else), also enable female solipsism. These Sirens are:

  1. Effective, cheap, legal and widely available contraception (condoms, birth control pills, abortion).
  2. No-fault divorce.
  3. Economic emancipation for women (letting them go to college and join the workforce).
  4. Feminist-created laws like the Violence Against Women Act and child support laws that encourage women to divorce their husbands.

The Sirens enable female solipsism by shielding women from the consequences of their bad behavior. Cheap and freely available contraception, for example, removes most of the ill effects of being a slut. In the not-too-distant past, sexual promiscuity was a recipe for social censure and life-threatening diseases. No-fault divorce makes getting out of a marriage as easy as getting in for wives, with alimony and child support sweetening the deal. In the past, women were cautioned against these actions by their mothers and grandmothers; this knowledge was junked in the sexual revolution in favor of the “if it feels good, do it” mantra of liberalism. Think of a spoiled brat who has everything he wants handed to him without complaint (lest he throw a tantrum) and who is rescued by daddy whenever he gets himself into trouble. In our modern world, women are basically spoiled children, constantly running to Daddy Government in tears whenever their stupid choices blow up in their faces.

As I stated earlier, men aren’t immune to being solipsistic, but on average they are less self-absorbed then women for the aforementioned reasons. We men are forced to confront reality from the outset because we are the dominant sex, expected to approach girls and direct our relationships with them. The overwhelming majority of guys have been slapped with rejections from girls from the day they first worked up the nerve to ask one out to the prom, forcing them to analyze their behaviors in order to either adapt to the sexual marketplace or drop out entirely in a world of video games and porn. The only men who can afford to engage in woman-esque solipsism without becoming late-night show punchlines are famous, wealthy or otherwise natural ladykillers – the rest of us grinders have to stay on our toes at all times.

Another factor in female sexual solipsism is how sexual promiscuity affects the minds of women. A comment from a now-defunct blog states this:

That may or may not be true: most slutty women I know could take on entire football teams without noticing the nature of male sexuality. They’re that self absorbed in their emotional turmoil, they don’t notice men look at them like a hungry man looks at a piece of meat. Prudes notice more, probably because they had fathers who were decent men.

The sexual double standard arises from the reality that getting sex is easy for women but hard for men. Women being the gatekeepers of sex, the reason studs are respected and sluts are derided is because being a stud requires skill, while being a slut merely requires a pulse and a lack of impulse control. As the folk saying goes, a key that can open many locks is a master key; a lock that can be opened by many keys is a faulty lock.

The unsung flip side of the double standard, however, is that female virgins are cherished whereas male virgins are ridiculed. A man who can’t get laid signals to the world that he is a loser who repels girls, while a woman who resists spreading her legs for every scumbag who winks at her signals that she is a sober, selective person. Because women can get laid easily but have a much harder time wrangling commitment out of a man in the form of marriage or a long-term relationship, women who cannot or will not stay in a relationship are poor sources of information on men. The male virgin and the female slut are mirror images of each other in terms of attractiveness to and knowledge of the opposite sex.

The solipsism of the fairer sex will ultimately be their undoing. The social conditions that have empowered women are on the verge of collapse. The article “The Misandry Bubble” from The Futurist blog names the “Four Horsemen of Male Emancipation,” four factors that will ensure the destruction of feminism by the end of this decade:

  1. Game, the art of seduction, teaching men how to manipulate female psychology to their advantage in the mating dance.
  2. Adult entertainment technological such as virtual reality sex simulators, allowing men to have sex without the hassle of having to seduce an actual woman.
  3. Globalization, which encompasses the expatriation of Western men to non-feminist countries outside the West as well as immigration from those same countries to Western countries, weakening popular support for feminism.
  4. Male economic disengagement due to the poor economy and progressive taxation that benefits women at the expense of men. Even with our current “mancession,” men still dominate job fields that are necessary to keep the economy going, such as construction, manufacturing, mining, law enforcement and the military; women dominate ancillary fields such as education, healthcare, and the civil service. The latter needs the former to function, but the former doesn’t need the latter.

Coupled with how women typically desire marriage more than men and womens’ hypergamous mating preferences, this is going to lead to a massive shift of power in the mating market from women to men. The Futurist terms the moment when a woman realizes her sexual power has fallen off a cliff the “Wile E. Coyote Moment”:

…In the past, the steady hand of a young woman’s mother and grandmother knew that her beauty was temporary, and that the most seductive man was not the best husband, and they made sure that the girl was married off to a boy with long-term durability. Now that this guidance has been removed from the lives of young women, thanks to ‘feminism’, these women are proving to be poor pilots of their mating lives who pursue alpha males until the age of 34-36 when her desirability drops precipitously and not even beta males she used to reject are interested in her. This stunning plunge in her prospects with men is known as the Wile E. Coyote moment, and women of yesteryear had many safety nets that protected them from this fate. The ‘feminist’ media’s attempt to normalize ‘cougarhood’ is evidence of gasping desperation to package failure as a desirable outcome, which will never become mainstream due to sheer biological realities…

The big irony is that ‘feminism’, rather than improving the lives of women, has stripped away the safety nets of mother/grandmother guidance that would have shielded her from ever having to face her Wile E. Coyote moment. ‘Feminism’ has thus put the average woman at risk in yet another area.

With the coming economic meltdown and the end of the “sheconomy,” a great many Strong, Independent Women™ are going to find themselves up Shit Creek without a paddle. While marriage served the function of keeping good women out of total poverty in the past, the current generation of men will be too burned out by feminism to play Captain Save-a-Ho this time around. In the war between the sexes, the ultimate losers will be women, not men.

Read Next: The Case Against Female Self-Esteem