Matt Forney
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Fattypocalypse, Part Two: Plus-Size Dating Boogaloo

If God exists, He has the cruelest sense of humor imaginable. Remember the half-naked, loud-and-proud chubster I posted about yesterday? She has a YOUTUBE channel! And the lead-off video is a veritable Mount Rushmore of hamsteriffic delusion.

Even better: Anna’s channel is named “Sickening Curves.” Sickening is right: men like curves on the boobs and butt, not the thighs and gut!

The video itself is the usual assortment of fatgrrl/nerdgrrl whining: “Waaah-haaah! People hate me because they’re shallow as fuck! I’m a curvy girl! Why don’t men want me!” To me, the most revealing part was when she revealed that she “sometimes” dates people around her size (2:10-2:15).


This just confirms what I said about Anna in my post: “body-positive,” “fat acceptance” advocates are some of the biggest hypocrites going. According to Anna and her elephantine compadres, only women are allowed to be fat, slovenly and unattractive. If you want the pleasure of making the “kai-kai” with this goddess, you damn well better be hitting the gym every day, while she watches from the sidelines stuffing her face with another goddamn donut.

Then she goes into talking about how watching The L-Word during her LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation, for the oldsters in the audience) stage and becoming dismayed because there weren’t any fat rug-munchers on the show. Bitch, really? I was a geeky video game addict pirating Sonic Youth albums via LimeWire and even I wasn’t dumb enough to fall for the “lipstick lesbian” myth.

But the video gets worse. Or better, depending on your perspective.

Just before the five minute mark, Anna spews the most flattened and desiccated cliche of the whiny fat girl: “confidence is the sexiest thing anyone can have.”

The eternal solipsism of the female mind (RIP Ferdinand Bardamu) rears its head again.

The thought process for girls who spew this lie goes like this: “I think confident men are sexy, therefore men must think confident women are sexy!” Nope, nada, nilch. While it’s true that men prefer women with a degree of confidence (if only to lessen the chance she’ll become a bunny-boiling, codependent stalker), we don’t find it sexy. I have never once gotten a boner from a girl crowing about how strong and independent she was. I have (and continue to get) boners from girls with big breasts, pert rear-ends, and cute faces.

But more importantly, few if any American women are genuinely confident.

Anna shows that she has no clue what confidence is when she claims that men like when “a woman carries herself like she knows she’s hot shit.” That’s not confidence, that’s cuntiness. True confidence comes from having triumphed over adversity, from having accomplished something real. The closest the average Western woman ever comes to adversity is when the local 7-Eleven runs out of Cherry Garcia.

“Folks can tell when you love yourself”? Yeah, and self-love is more commonly known as “narcissism,” and it’s regarded as a mental disorder.

The second half of the video is devoted to sex. The thought of this land-beluga naked makes me want to retch, so I’m cutting it off here. God damn America.

Read Next: Fattypocalypse