Matt Forney
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grief

The Five Stages of Female Grief

This is a guest post by Kid Strangelove. Kid originally published this article at his own blog on August 27, 2010, but he deleted the site a while ago so he could focus on other projects. He asked me if I’d be willing to re-post some of his articles on my blog and I said yes.

It was a warm, but slightly windy late summer night. The sounds of beer glasses clinking together in large cheers and groups of people trying to speak loud enough to outdo each other was filling the air at the Standard Biergarten in NYC. This was the setting of the Sargefest: everyone was looking to get laid, or at least win a few “pickup challenges” along the way.

That is, everyone except for me.

I had a date with an absolutely wonderful girl coming up on Saturday, a girl who had a high chance of being long-term relationship material. We had already been on an amazing first date. I also knew that she was a former model and that in the NYC nightlife hierarchy, girls as hot as her usually don’t hang out at beer gardens (especially if the neighborhood has velvet rope-style places). But it was a Thursday and people were out macking, so I might as well have some fun and be eccentric. After all, with the way I view women now, it’s good to keep your game up.

Let me explain. In my time gaming, I went through five distinct views of women. And, truth be told, just about every single experienced player or natural that I’ve talked to feels pretty much the same way. Each view comes with its own rewards and challenges, but I think the place that I’m at right now is a good place to be. So where do you fit into these opinions?

1. Women are unattainable, magical creatures.

This is how you feel like if you’re a nerd, a geek, or socially awkward in general. Interacting with women feels like a challenge, and you’re constantly jealous of good-looking, rich, or “douchey” guys who constantly get with girls.

The downside of this view is extremely obvious: prolonged celibacy, and as we all know, involuntary celibacy is walking death. However, there is an upside: at certain points, a guy may want to snap out of his miserable state and dedicate himself to improvement. As long as he can see the light at the end of the tunnel, he will be extremely motivated to better his life through various means: game, money, fitness, and so on.

However, if this man strives for only money and fitness, he might not learn the lessons of the future stages and be trapped by his own inexperience. So, gentlemen, if you seek money or abs, just please learn to protect yourselves from sleazy women.

2. Women are targets.

So you’ve just read The Game, watched The Pickup Artist, read a game book, joined a seduction forum, or just decided to crawl out of your cave and get better with girls… good for you! You learn and recite routines, work out some inner game issues, dedicate yourself to following a guru and are actually starting to see results… good for you! But at the same time, your results are not constant, so you read more, post more, practice more, and even backtrack. Women become nothing more than a means to an end for your game.

The good part—of course—is that you’re gaining valuable experience with women, hopefully getting laid, and learning to deal with rejection fairly well. The bad part is that you become obsessed with picking up women, seeking absolute perfection in the art, and the women you meet merely accessorize your life instead of improving it. This can happens to naturals too, as you become an overbearing dick that cannot make a genuine connection with a girl because you objectify her. Also, your value system for girls becomes a bit screwed up: for example, you’d rather have a stripper than a grad student (if all other factors were the same).

3. Women are evil.

This is a stage that many men will have a tough time admitting to, but it’s real.

Maybe it happened after the first time you hooked up with a girl, then watched as she got a call from her boyfriend and lied to him. Maybe it happened when you read that women are leaving their formerly rich finance husbands during the recession. Maybe it happened when you saw a good girl do cocaine. But regardless of how it happens, at this point, you can’t seem to stand women. This is especially true if most of your game revolves around bars and clubs: you are guaranteed to see some vile shit in that scene. While viewing women as evil might be the opposite of the first stage, it usually brings the same results: you stop getting laid, and when you do, there is absolutely no meaning attached to it.

However, not all is bad with this stage: you learn how to defend yourself from vile, nasty women. You learn about how not to get ripped off in divorce and with child support, and you become more defensive about other areas of your life. Self-preservation kicks in.

4. Women are people.

This phase starts amazingly enough: you might be bitter, not looking to date or score, but a girl happens to come around that changes your perceptions immediately. You have a good honest connection, no game necessary. Now, when you’re going out, you don’t run through lines and openers: you can just be yourself and get results. “Wow!” you think. “I’m finally a natural!”

Hold your horses, kid: not quite. Because once you realize that your relationship with that girl began on your own terms, you’ll begin to fuck up. You’ll become overbearing, needy, call and text too much: you’ll essentially revert back to stage one. At times you might be angry, thinking that when you were “deceptively” gaming, you were getting more girls.

The advantage of this view is of course brutal honesty, and you might actually meet girls that like the kind of overbearing energy you bring (which can lead to long relationships). But you will lose a lot of great girls in this stage, simply because at times you’ll equate being yourself with being an idiot.

5. Women are people living in a fucked up environment.

This is very much like the last step, only with the realization that game isn’t a lifestyle to be followed until death, but a series of tips that help you out (along with your now vast personal experience). You realize that women live in a world filled with some pretty intense pressures from society, friends, and more, way more pressure than we give them credit for (and most women rarely acknowledge the advantages of being female, or at best downplay its roles). Even if a girl is seemingly into you, there’s no guarantee of happily ever after or happily boning, but you are completely confident with every interaction, not forcing a result, but displaying as much of you as you can.

Yet you keep the basics in mind: aloofness, unpredictability, masterful calling and texting, good body language, and the women happily stay. This is a good place to be in.

So, the question remains, how did I do that night? I crashed and burned fairly hard while trying out the most random lines ever and having fun, but in the middle of it all I managed to chat up a really cute chick who turned out to be a pediatrician, and we now have a date for next week.

And at the same time, I can’t wait for Saturday: this girl and I have way too much in common (almost a bit creepy), and she’s a blast to hang out with (not to mention super hot). Yet on our first date I was perfectly laid back, let the conversation flow naturally, and kept the texts to a minimum afterwards. She almost told me how to act, because she described her last date as “nervous, fidgety, knocking shit over, told me he loved me after one date, and still keeps texting me.”

Don’t worry girl: I’m experienced and I’m smoother.

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