Matt Forney
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Girls and the Narcissist Misery Engine


Years ago, at one of my past jobs, I had a middle-aged co-worker who was… passionate about politics. Every time she got a minute of free time, she was either beating herself off to what Obama and the Democrats were doing or complaining about how “racist” and evil Republicans were, usually the latter. It was her go-to choice of topic whenever she was directing the flow of conversation: “Didja hear about what Governor Paterson did the other day?” All of her political commentary was tinged with bitterness and irritation; she was clearly upset by what she was reading, but she kept inflicting her crabbiness on everyone else anyway.

Unsurprisingly, she was childless and perpetually single.

This pretty much sums up all leftists and feminists: they’re addicted to indignation. They spend huge amounts of time reading websites that upset them, then spreading links to said sites around on Facebook and whatnot so their friends can feel just as miserable as them. They even have a term for it: “hate-reading.” Roosh V Forum member Scorpion’s description of this behavior is so on-point that I have no choice but to quote it here:

I love how these women don’t understand the Internet. When they see something they think is horrible, they want to share it far and wide and get as many eyeballs as possible on it. It would be like if their was a little dog with explosive diarrhea sitting by itself in a corner, and instead of leaving it alone, they pick it up and carry it across the entire house, spreading shit all over the floor, saying “OMFG everyone look at this dog that keeps shitting all over the place! Can you believe this? OMG!”

The female imperative that craves drama and emotional solidarity from peers overrides all logic. And so it is that feminists unwittingly find themselves foot soldiers in the RoK army, helping to spread our message far and wide. Thanks bitches.

I’ve tried to understand this mentality but always fell short. Three years ago, I tried an experiment whereby I started reading JezebelFeministingShakesville and other feminist sites in an attempt to better know my enemy. I lasted less than a week before giving up. I wouldn’t say that I was enraged by feminist sites, but I found them more sad than anything. Jezebel and the like keep their readers in a state of perpetual depressive rage, infecting everything they touch with their carping and negative tone.

I can’t even derive negative pleasure from attempting to “hate-read” feminist sites.

Granted, this impulse isn’t exclusive to the left. The right-wing equivalents to Jezebel would be the countless punditry blogs writing about useless political minutiae, or MRM sites like A Voice for Men which consist exclusively of “woman bites man” stories. But those sites are getting eclipsed by more positive, goal-oriented ones like Return of Kings. Virtually all feminist sites boil down to playing hot potato with an incontinent poodle and then complaining about how you’re getting sprayed with shit.

Why? This is how narcissists function.

I’ve gone over this in the past, but it’s worth repeating: most leftists are narcissists. Narcissists, like borderlines and psychopaths, are not human beings: they’re anti-people, with a great black hole where their soul is supposed to be. Their identities are carefully constructed fictions that require an enormous amount of maintenance to stay intact. Anything that punctures a narcissist’s identity causes narcissistic injury, which if not dealt with will cause the narcissist’s reality to come apart.

To the outsider, girls massively sharing articles and websites they hate—to the point where merely attempting to read them makes them vomit and/or black out—seems like insane behavior. But you have to see things from the narcissist’s point of view. Their overriding concern is maintaining their identity, a matter of life and death to them. Whenever a narcissist comes across someone or something that threatens her identity, one of the easiest ways she can cope is by seeking solidarity with her fellow narcissists, puncturing their false identities and restoring equilibrium.

In short, narcissists sow misery and unhappiness in order to build themselves up.

This is a big part of why narcissists are so toxic; befriending one means they will constantly be trying to tear you down. They themselves don’t even realize that they’re doing this; narcissists are tick-tock automatons, as unthinking as a rabbit hopping away from every big scary noise it hears. This inability to rein in their worst instincts often wrecks the narcissist’s life, as it did in Hugo Schwyzer’s case. For a milder example of narcissism in action, here’s a comment I found on the Bodycrimes blog from “Zosimus the Heathen“:

I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one whose morbid fascination with the Manosphere has become a source of great concern and exasperation to all those he knows in meatspace. Among the people I’ve pissed off with my incessant prattle on the subject has been a brother of mine who’s living in Seattle, and who I caught up with a few months ago, while holidaying in the States. While he was initially interested to hear my strange and terrible tales of the things I’d found while trawling the sewer that is the Manosphere (we often like to share the fucked up things we’ve found on the Internet), I rabbited on about the subject so much he finally said, “Dude, STFU about the fucking Manosphere! People in real life just don’t behave the way those idiots say they do!”

Even if you agreed with Zosimus, would you want to be friends with her? Imagine an anti-feminist counterpart to this chick: a marginally employed MGHOW who constantly read xoJane and was always talking about how women are “golddigging cunts.” Would you want to hang out with someone like that?

Hell no, you wouldn’t.

Zosimus and her ilk are defective, unlikable people, whose damaged psyches lead them to inflict their internal suffering on everyone else around them. The sad part is that Zosimus is somewhat aware that her actions are driving her loved ones away, but like the rabbits in the warren running scared from the big bad wolf, she… just… can’t… help… herself. Barring outside intervention, she’s going to end up like my old co-worker: old and alone, wondering why no one wants to be around her.

Girls have an inborn need for drama, but on its own, that impulse is relatively harmless. Pair it with the narcissism encouraged by r-selective breeding and leftism, however, and you get the current situation: pudgy college sophomores thinking indignation is a legitimate argument. Helicopter parented art fags on Tumblr talking about how something on the Internet made them want to throw up. Every anti-feminist writer getting boatloads of death threats whenever their articles go viral.

The narcissist misery engine is never satisfied.

The only way to deal with these kinds of people is to cut them out of your life. Even if you’re resistant to the charms of a narcissist, their constant attempts to tear you down will wear on you. Like borderlines and psychopaths, narcissists don’t deserve the respect that you would give a normal, complete human being. Let them stew in their emptiness of their own lives.

Nothing you can say or do to them will be worse than the torment they suffer just by being alive.

Read Next: Narcissist Bum Fights: Anita Sarkeesian vs. the Basement Dwellers

  • docillusion

    You say psychopathic narcissist like it’s a bad thing. I resemble that remark.

  • This article makes me think. Earlier this morning I was considering how to ‘win the war against feminism/leftism’, as it were, and I realized that logic and reasonably sound arguments wont get us anywhere with them – though it might win more than few hearts and minds to our cause.

    Next I considered doing what they do: Emotional hyperbole and ad hominem attacks, but what good would that really do?

    Is the best course of action to – as Donovan suggests – ignore them and worry about insulating ourselves?

  • Mina
    H/T to Matt Forney: he found the Anonymous Conservative and reviewed his book a while back. Many answers will be found therein.

  • Some good points here.

    Not sure how much I can add but a few related notes:

    1) I personally can credit the S4M / AV4M for being the tipping point in a long and slow journey up to that point realizing that the blue pill existence we’ve all been fed was so much tripe. A lot of useful hard data there. Especially S4M in terms of the Narcissism and Borderline personalities you mention here. Probably the biggest shift in how I viewed men, women, game, etc. occurred centered around the time I spent there.

    2) That said, I quickly left it for almost exactly the reasons you describe – a constant outrage machine. It’s like they never got over being pissed at their world-model being broken, and only half rebuilt it. Other than some useful defensive info, it was all about anger, and not about getting your life together. I got a whiff of “No more mister nice guy” and the MMSL – and found them far more useful in terms of how to actually do something constructive short of/before blowing everything up and walking away. The constant outrage had the same creepy feeling of manufactured paranoia that was a major reason for dumping any remaining sympathies I had for the left or feminism. Nevermind the cognitive dissonance of watching some prominent site members go into borderline conspiracy theory territory closely related to the very things and attitudes they purport to hate.

    So I found other guys with more practical advice, on how to make it in the world. How to find and create culture. Etc.

  • brk9912

    Remy, yes, donovan is right. Reading lots of books is my current hobby…

  • “The right-wing equivalents to Jezebel would be the countless punditry blogs writing about useless political minutiae, or MRM sites like A Voice for Men which consist exclusively of “woman bites man” stories. But those sites are getting eclipsed by more positive, goal-oriented ones like Return of Kings.”

    Like dgarsys, this is why I left, years before they launched their attack on the Manosphere. I think I listened to three of Elam’s podcasts, before it got to be too much for me; I’d leave the podcast furious and frustrated, with no outlet for my emotions.

    My life’s too short to spend it wallowing in despair.

  • Towgunner

    @Remy Sheppard


    How to win against feminism/leftism. First, no matter what anyone tells you, there is a solution(s). Second, the solution(s) is already in place, but, its in pieces or a puzzle needed to be put together. But, be optimistic – all the tools are there. Surely, logical arguments won’t work as well as playing their game (although we can play selectively and should).

    I’d encourage you to study and understand how feminism came to be. Consider how fantastic the advent of feminism is, especially, when one of its central planks, men and women are exactly the same and ONLY women are better, is reject-able by anyone with a set of eyes, experience and even a nominal grasp of history. How did this happen? Putting aside cultural marxism for a moment, but not to downplay it, it was through synthetic means, mostly, the media.

    Why are women covering themselves in stupid meaningless and grotesque tattoos, hitherto a practice almost exclusively for jail birds and military members? Answer: LA Ink. So, realize that a “show” can have remarkable influence on how people behave. This applies to all media.

    But, the organs of feminism, because its artificial, demand a centralized structure because managing an illusion requires constant maintenance. Consider larry sumners (sp) statement that women may not be inclined to math, leaving out the media/news-o-tainment/talking head smearing…what else happened? “Fever Pitch” was released and it was about the Red Sox…or was it. Drew Barrymore excelled at what in that movie, which was made abundantly clear over and over again…mathematics! In fact the Falloon played a school teacher, which is a profession traditionally held by women whereas Barrymore was the corporate careerist…so, they interjected some role reversal. Viola – feminists social engineering revealed.

    You see, we’re fighting against media based illusions and, yes, its far from being the whole of feminism, but if you undermine this “lever” you can theoretically relegate “feminism” to lonely, stale fart, cat women malcontents.

    Good news – feminism per its need for centralized content production IS heavily vested in old media, which is already obsolete per the current and future capabilities enabled by the internet.

    More later…did I get you thinking?

  • ray

    good points, lefties surely are addicted to both politics and indignation, and their collective psychology definitely is pathological

    i’m not involved with AVfM, of course, but they have been successful (with aid from a few other orgs) in freeing a young man who was falsely chunked into Mammy’s Mancages by a malevolent feminist prosecutor

    and yes i know that malevolent, feminist, and prosecutor constitutes a triple redundancy

    AVfM also made life v uncomfotable for that monstress, tho of course weren’t successful in permanently removing her from the Justsis Sistem

    what has the Gameosphere done? which guys have they freed from the Princessess’ Prisons? which fem-prosecutors did they take on?

    talk about narcissism!

    they took over a movement that OTHERS built, re-named it the Manosphere, then went forth crowing about how they “started” it all!


    just amazing

    i don’t see the Group from the self-adulting Manophere freeing any falsely imprisoned guys from the mancages, nor addressing the widespread abuse of little boys in feminist amerika — far more pressing issues than learning from newbie goofballs about how to kino and neg women for purposes of personal promiscuity

  • “old and alone, wondering why no one wants to be around her.”

    The first defense of the narcissist is to blame their problems on someone else. So if this woman is in this situation…it’s men’s fault that this happened to her.

  • deconstructed

    The title of your article describes Lena Dunham to a tee. How apt.

  • Days of Broken Arrows

    Interesting points. I never go to Jezebel just to cultivate outrage in my own life. Who needs that? I will, on occasion, bring something from the mainstream media to the manosphere — but that’s stuff right in front of my face so it’s more of a comment on general society than their odd corner.

    I worked in media all my life and knew editors like the co-worker you describe. We’d put cartoons on the wall making fun of them.

  • Alan North

    Lost me right at the point where you brought political leanings into it. Why do you equate “leftism” with feminism? How we arrange the economy has nothing to do as far as I can see, with female supremacy, apart from the obvious benefits women would get from the state.

    It seems to me that feminism is far more like a religion than a political orientation, lots of blind faith and not too much rational thinking. That’s why the EU is thinking about banning “anti-feminist” speech, because it would look very suspect if feminist speech was really a valid political view. By contrast, we already have laws against offending a person because of their religion (to which I am opposed, btw).

  • baguazhang

    @Alan North
    That may be in theory, but it’s hard to deny that feminists lean almost entire to the left, and that the left is far more sympathetic to feminism. Leftism in terms of purely economic policy might exist in some countries, but in the West, it is entirely married to identity and “social justice” politics.

  • baguazhang

    It’s fairly obvious that victimhood is a commodity in politics all over the world, if not simply for the claimant to spew moral outrage, attract pity, and put oneself in an ethically superior position.

    Nowhere is such minor grievances more fetishized than in the West, however. The wealthy living standards of Western countries have left society’s whiners very little to complain about. That’s why they must resort to nitpicking issues that would be trivial in other societies, insisting that they were caused by bigotry, and framing things like hurt feelings, being offended, and “microaggressions” as actual problems.

  • Aarj

    The greater the number of people who believe in something, the truer that something is held to be. So the women who read a Manosphere posting then spread it around are just trying to get others (lots of others) to agree with them about how wrong it is and how right they are. They read something that shook their values to the core and, rather than re-evaluate those values, they want everyone on the internet to reaffirm them.

  • Mason Randall

    I’m totally gay for Chuck Ross. I do love the redheads.

    [CensorBot sez: …Yeah.]

  • “…playing hot potato with an incontinent poodle and then complaining about how you’re getting sprayed with shit.”

    Whatever ‘haters’ might say, analogies like this = Genius. Thanks for the lessons in writing style in post after post.

  • Mason Randall

    Why won’t Chuck Ross return my phone calls? CHUCKIE BOOOOOOY, I LOOOOOOVE YOU…

    [CensorBot sez: Most of your comment was griping about Chuck. You have a problem with him, take it up with HIM. I don’t allow my comment section to be used as a gossip board.]

  • Mason Randall

    Serenading Chuck over Twitter didn’t work, so I’ve settled for emailing him my totally not-homoerotic love poetry. Call me, Chuckie!

    [CensorBot sez: I’ve seen this game played too many times to fall for it, troll. Chuck pissed you off somehow (likely calling you on your bullshit), so you’re running over here to goad me into a game of “Let’s You and Him Fight.” Trolls have been running this scam since before the manosphere even existed. I’m not impressed.]

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  • Brittny

    Sad stuff. Before I came across websites like Return of Kings and Chateau Heartiste, I read Huffington Post and Buzzfeed. I have to say, I wasn’t a feminist by any means…but I did feel upset about the rape and injustice stories constantly circulated. As you said…a rage machine. After my friend (who is mentally a bit slow) was roofied and impregnated at an army base, I started reading more and more victimizing feminist literature…and hating life. Even my husband noticed that I was more unhappy, prone to complaining more and pointing out things he did innocently that were ‘oppressive’. It wasn’t until I took a break from reading that junk, took a deep breath, and started searching for more uplifting things to read that I let go of the indignation and jumped up martyrdom. I have been raised a Mormon, or Latter Day Saint, my entire life…and I took solace in its teachings and firm stance about the importance of traditional gender roles, the ennobling of womanhood through being a mother and wife, and the reminder that we always have agency to choose how to feel and act in our lives.

    I have been reading manosphere literature for over a year and a half, and even though I don’t love every article (as a married woman, I really don’t need to know how to keep a harem!) the ones I have read echo what my male relatives (many who are tough veterans and police officers) and my husband have said. I have taken more of an interest in my appearance and felt a wonderful lack of feminist guilt in making myself ‘pretty’. My husband has noticed my weight loss, my long hair, and my willingness to please and we are both happier for it. It has been a great weight off of my mind to switch ‘sides’ as it were. If only more women could see how wonderful life really is for western women now. If I were living in my great great grandparents time, I would have been a polygamist wife married off at fifteen. It might have been a good life still, but I am grateful for the choices and opportunities afforded me now, with the wisdom to be grateful, supportive and loving in my family. And my family; my husband, two sons and unborn son, are and will always be my biggest priority in life.

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  • Mark

    Nice to see a convert!

  • FreeBornPatriot

    Your husband is a lucky man. I wish you both a long, happy, and productive life together.

    It is natural for the masculine and the feminine to be attracted to each other. Cognitive dissonance arises when we try to subvert what we are to satisfy a bunch of angry shrink’s political agendas.

    Your son will be a good man because he has a good mom, and because you had the sense to choose a good man to start your family. He will be miles ahead of his competition for his entire life.

  • Shep Schultz

    It is a shame we cannot inject your common sense into kids as part of their vaccination program.
    The world is a much better place with women like you in it. Thanks for writing.

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  • Reasonable Conservative

    I would say your quest is noble but futile. Leftism IS female thinking – it is DECIDEDLY irrational and hostile to logic and mature thought. That is it’s BASIS. It cannot compete – does not try to compete – in the arena of ideas or meaning, but MUST, at all times and at all places, assert FEELINGS as imperative.

    And you’re seeing this all over the place. It’s why college administrators cannot sufficiently respond to campus outbreaks that insist on “safe spaces” and childish demands for no “trigger words” or opposing ideas. They abandoned RATIONAL as a basis for rule or guidance.

    And this is very, very bad, because without thought and ideas, feelings have no mooring or anchor. Left adrift, they insist on crashing and dividing as a means of purpose and direction.

    It’s vital people understand this and fight back appropriately. Do not think leftists will listen or respect your clear ideas and cogent discourse. THEY WILL NOT. All they are bent upon is WINNING at all costs! It’s their one goal above all else, and they will not be content to sustain defeat at anything less than utter crushing and pain. It’s ALL they ultimately understand – superior force, (which is why they have historically chafed under male dominance, but is the only thing that will ultimate content them.

    Don’t be a nice guy. Assert dominance and expect resistance until you win, (and win, and win, and win.)

    The problem is that men have not been trained in make dominance and when presented with an opportunity, they use drugs and subterfuge, and game (or rape) women underhandedly. And justify their behavior as “bro”attitude. (The Stanford guy was different only in that he got caught and his story went viral. His story is quite common, actually.)

    And the thing is, women are DESPERATE for a man to dominate them! This “Fifty Shades of Gray” thing is primary evidence. Women DEMAND to be dominated. (And lose all respect when they aren’t.)