Matt Forney
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Why I’ve Decided to Kill Myself

kill-myself

It’s time for me to come clean: I’ve been lying to you.

I’ve been telling you that I have a job, that I’m nearly making enough from my blog and books to live independently, that I get laid. All of it is false. In reality, I’ve been unemployed for nearly two years and haven’t seen a vagina since I was in college. I wish I could say I live in my mother’s basement, but I don’t even have that going for me: I live in the spare bedroom of my mother’s trailer in the Adirondacks. Speaking of my mother, she weighs 300 pounds, lives off disability and spends twelve hours a day watching TV. I moved back from Portland a few months ago because my dear father drank himself into a tree going 80 miles an hour.

My mom was overjoyed, if only because it meant her daily beatings were over.

Not only that, everyone else in the manosphere is lying too. I know this because I’ve met half of ’em. The New Orleans meetup had the atmosphere of an all-night Dungeons & Dragons marathon. Jeremy Sploosh is an overweight manlet and “Kaitlyn Sploosh” is his sockpuppet. TempestTcup is a blow-up doll: all “her” posts and Tweets are written by DoktorBill. The Mistress is actually Dr. Illusion’s little sister. (On a side note, ew.) The only one of us who’s actually ever gotten laid is Mitch, and that was back during the Reagan administration. And of course, all of us are unemployed and destitute.

How else do you think we were able to drop everything and spend a week in an expensive city like New Orleans, during the biggest tourist season of the year?

I began blogging two years ago because I thought there was a lot of money in catering to the manosphere. Because I’m a fat, broke virgin, I figured that creating a fantasy life on the Internet would compensate for the fact that I’m a complete loser in real life. No, seriously: I’m so repulsive that people who are paid to be nice to me, like waitresses and cashiers, can’t even hide their contempt. Just the other day, a 7-Eleven clerk spat on my pepperoni pizza before handing it to me. I still bought it, of course. At least she didn’t stomp on it like the last one did.

Unfortunately, I didn’t figure that everyone else in the manosphere was as broke as I was, thus keeping them from spending money on my books. As of right now, I’m $12,000+ deep in credit card debt and my student loan deferments end next month. Because I have permanently tainted my real name by using it to write horrendously offensive articles like “How to Crush a Girl’s Self-Esteem” and “The Case Against Female Education,” I’ve made it impossible to get any job that pays more than minimum wage. Put simply, I’ve fucked my future up beyond repair; it took the Mardi Gras meetup to realize what a bunch of frauds I’d wasted my life on.

Because of this, I’ve decided that the only option left is to kill myself.

No, don’t try to talk me out of it or call the police. This is all I have left. Not only have I failed to make a living or do anything useful with my life, I’ve used my online platform as a megaphone for evil. By writing horrifyingly misogynistic articles, I’ve objectively made the world a darker place by giving intellectual justification to bigotry. How many fat girls have developed anorexia and died because I said they didn’t deserve to be loved? How many women have slit their wrists because they believed they weren’t worthy of self-esteem?

No. The only way I can atone for ruining so many lives is to end my own.

As a last gift to you, my (lying, neckbearded, fedora-wearing) readers, I have decided to broadcast my suicide live on the Internet. Matt Forney’s Suicide Spectacular will go live on YouTube tonight at 9pm EST, 6pm PST. The Spectacular will feature guest appearances by Kid Strangelove, Mitch Sturges, Dr. Illusion and many more, all exposing the massive fraud that they have helped perpetuate. There will also be some surprises in store, so you’ll want to grab the popcorn for this one.

In death, I hope to provide the entertainment that I failed to give you in life.

So tune in tonight at 9pm Eastern/6pm Pacific for Matt Forney’s Suicide Spectacular! And let this be a warning to those of you are not yet hopeless: the “red pill” is a lie. Every single “manosphere” blogger you look up to is a faker. The only way to get laid is to treat women with respect; the only way to get a job is to go to college and do what your Marxist professors tell you to do; and it’s perfectly a-ok to be fat so long as you never make any attempts to change nor criticize anyone for the way they look.

My life may have been defined by hatred and bigotry, but I hope my death will be defined by tolerance and love.

Read Next: Kill Your Sons

  • Lym’

    I hope you’re not seriously considering going ahead with your plan. Life is indeed a gift God has given us. I don’t know you or the life you lead, but very few things in life are unsermountable. Never too late to turn your life around. Ask for help and mean it. Your life can be turned around and you can indeed be happy. I would bet you’re an intelligent man and could come up with some options. Find a progressive, non-judgmental church on your area and ask for help.

  • gubbler

    If you have to shoot, shoot, don’t talk.

  • Kill yourself if you must, but quit GIVING AWAY ALL OF OUR SECRETS!!!!!!

  • What a pussy, suck it up and deal with your involuntarily shitty life like the rest of us basement dwelling manospherians.

  • At least you saw a vagina during college, I’ve been wondering how they look like but Im too scared to google it.

  • Happy April fools!! The manosphere is slow.

  • Vault

    April 1st :P

  • M4-10

    ‘Cry for help’ game. Best used as a mass text to prospects on a Sunday morning.

  • DRFranco

    nice april first

    nice April first joke

  • Anonymous Reader

    You definitely picked the right day for it.

  • LynM

    Here is a place to start :(518) 792-1140. Don’t worry about posts made here. Women know this is vitriolic nonsense. We see plenty of happy men in our daily lives and know the manosphere is nothing more than a place to blow off some steam. There is a lot of good things you can do with your life, just need to start in a different direction….and try a more positive website.

  • Looking forward to the Spectacular tonight, I’m bringing a few “mass” surprises for the show. Actually I got laid last during the first Bush administration, that was the last time I wasn’t so fat that I couldn’t find my penis.

  • Jeffrey harris

    LOL @ people that didn’t look at the date

  • ian

    Lol guys its April 1st. Calm down

  • “And let this be a warning to those of you are not yet hopeless: the “red pill” is a lie. Every single “manosphere” blogger you look up to is a faker. The only way to get laid is to treat women with respect”

    Nope, TRP is confirmed by what I see in real life. The fact that a few bloggers might be frauds is not going to convince me of anything.

    By the way everybody, its april fools day. So… yeah there is a good chance this is fake.

  • WHOA!!! You mean I’m the only here with a job?? AHHHHH MAAAAANNNN!!!!!!

    Still though Matt don’t kill yourself it serves no purpose! So you hit rock bottom now just pick your white ass up and climb back up the ladder!

    Later!

  • :'(

  • Horrible

    That’s not a funny April Fools joke, mate.

    Don’t kid about killing yourself.

    Even people like you don’t need to go through with it.

  • You weigh 300 pounds!?!

    Get a stronger rope.

  • Jay Smootz

    April Fools!

  • I’ve released all the comments that said “April Fools.”

  • Narcissists dont kill themselves. They talk about it. After all whatever would you do without you?

  • “How many fat girls have developed anorexia […] because I said they didn’t deserve to be loved?”

    By the looks of things, none :(

  • Pingback: Daily Linkage – April 2, 2014 | The Dark Enlightenment()

  • I banned your mom

    Aww. Here’s me hoping was real :’(

  • Dersu Uzala

    I will say this and I know that is going to upset some people.

    Whenever I read that a socialistic, leftist, whatever cabal organized the destruction of the Western World I would like to point out another social experiment that has been running almost for the last two centuries. That social experiment is “the free market”.

    Initially divised by the french (nonetheless) physiocrats, free market is the organization of an economy solely through the price signal mechanism, without external (social/government) interferences.

    Problem is, when you organize an economy where everything has a price, social traditions suffer. Remember that between a social construct and a free economy, current thinking almost always choose the later.

    It does not matter if a jungle is trailblazed to make room for a new condo and its original inhabitants forced to live in the slums of every major city in the 3r world. In time, some of the people of those cities would want to emigrate to “the first world” to attain the “american dream” imprinted into their minds thanks to the phenomenal US media machine born thanks to the free market. Yes there would be a few that still go by their traditions and values but -as time goes by and the entropy of ideas converge to a unique view of the world-, they will be fewer and fewer.

    Traditions, conservatism, roles, VALUES, are all subordinated to the price mechanism. Current state of the society is a product in no minor part of abolishing those values thanks to the free market.

    Our customs and traditions are shaped by economic forces. The current degeneration is not coming only from “The Nanny State”, it was the necessity of bigger markets that forced the addition of new workers/consumers i.e. liberated women.

    hey, even we granted “rights” to fake individuals: corporations! That is degeneracy.

    In any case, it is the government in collusion with the big companies that brought all this mess.

  • Anonymous Reader

    Very interesting, Dersu, I have just one question:

    What does all that have to do with the fact that there are no bones in ice cream and Matt Forney forgot to off himself?

  • Margaret Thatcher

    Sigh…too bad it was a nice thought there for a moment. Would have bought you the bullets.

  • LOL nice

  • Sue Psyettie

    Wish you had killed yourself. People like you should be executed by firing squad. Your suicide would just save a bullet.

  • Austin

    I don’t think of myself as a Men’s Rights Activist, and I don’t agree with everything you say, but I love the general ethic of this website.

  • Trent Smith

    Let’s get this logic right, people who are suicidal can’t talk about it, or they are narcissists? Do you understand how damaging that is to suicidal people? You want them to talk about it! You want to get them help.

  • Primal

    The government in collusion with the big corp’s is not the free market, it’s socialism, or partial slavery (mixed economy, crony capitalism).

    The free market, separate from the gov, is the only system that can work. It is the only system in alignment with basic principles and natural law. Natives, while they may do more bartering, and may trade in gold and or other valuables, are trading in an unfettered free market. That’s Capitalism.

    You are right that it is the government involvement in profit that is the cause of almost all unnecessary social ills. This is the antithesis of a free market, which is the solution to all unnecessary socioeconomic problems and human misery (including and especially genocide, or democide; which is what state profit always brings e.g. socialism, cronyism, communism, Nazism, fascism, social democracy, progressivism — all Statism). They all start off as liberalism, or leftism, and end up killing millions of their own people, as in the 20 the century (200 mil.).

    This is why people don’t like Obama. It has nothing to do with race. No one ever cared about that. He is a communist. His parents were communists, and everyone he grew up around were statists.

    People better get it right.