Matt Forney
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Madison Gay Pride: Send in the Freaks!

I swear to God, I don’t plan this stuff out. I’m like the Joker: I just do things. Every other day, I turn a corner and get smacked in the face with something weird, stupid or both.

Like a gay pride parade.

Last Sunday, I was walking back to my place after polishing off a delicious Bombers’ burger and authentic Wisconsin cheese curds (PROTIP: don’t leave Madison without eating at Bombers) when I noticed the 100 block of State Street was blocked off by police. Intrigued, I turned the corner onto the Capitol Square and was immediately confronted with a “HOMO SEX IS SIN” sign… along with a sea of rainbow flags.

How faaaabulous.

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Truck full of drag queens. Most of the action was happening on the west end of the Square, by the entrance to State Street.

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“Gay and Gray”? These guys missed a great pun: “G(r)ay Pride!” Amirite?

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Tammy Baldwin campaign volunteers. Baldwin is kind of a Big Deal in Madison because she’s both a lesbian and the long-time Congresswoman from the Madison area. If elected, she’ll be only the second LGBT senator after Hillary Clinton (kidding, kidding). After the parade was done, I coaxed a campaign sticker out of a morose fat dyke at Baldwin’s campaign kiosk; she complimented me on my T-shirt, which read “I Got Out of Bed for This?”

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Bagpipers. I got nothing.

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Another trailer full of crazy. I’ll never understand the psychology of these people.

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Remember homos, Jesus still loves you.

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No gay pride parade is complete without a platoon of oiled-up, Speedo-clad men thrusting their pelvises in your face.

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Just when you thought this parade had too much G, here comes the L to restore balance to the universe.

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Do I really need to describe these pictures? They speak for themselves.

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See what I mean? Nothing to say.

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Another church that’s given in to the Pink Mafia.

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The Homestead High Gay/Straight Alliance! The future of America, folks.

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The grand finale, another truck full of gyrating hormone therapy experiments of indeterminate sex.

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The anti-gay protesters I mentioned earlier, being mobbed by queers. I always love the passive-aggressive way gays pull this off at pride parades. It’s almost like they’re daring the Christians to throw a punch so they can run crying to the teacher police in traditional bully fashion: “He started it!” And don’t try and claim that gays were some kind of oppressed minority at the Capitol Square; the number of Christian protesters that day could be counted on one hand. Gays cry about persecution, but the minute they taste even a little bit of power, they become bullies themselves, preying on the weak and powerless with sociopathic glee (see: Dan Savage).

Things were getting wrapped up around this point, so I beat feet for home. I can’t say I learned anything from this adventure, other than that this trip is just going to keep getting weirder.

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  • Yeah that was really one big “shout of love” you puked out on the internet with this piece Matt.