Matt Forney
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You Need $25,000 to Get Laid Every Weekend in the United States

This is a guest post by the Captain Power.

I recently broke up with my long-term girlfriend in late March, and since then I’ve been slowly building up my stable of rotating pussy.

The manosphere has discussed this topic to death, but it’s worth saying again: you have to be crazy to get married in the United States. Between lax divorce laws and a liberal court system, the average American male doesn’t stand a chance.

Just to put things in perspective, before my last girlfriend and I broke up, she would watch Sex and the City on television all day and then read Fifty Shades of Grey in bed.  She couldn’t wait to get married and then divorce the shit out of me.

But since we broke up I have started to get my groove back, and I’m finally getting laid on a regular basis.

For me personally, I always buy girls drinks and I always pay for dinner. I don’t want to blow my chances of getting laid over a $7 martini, so I usually end up paying for a drink or two. Last month I started reviewing my bank statement to see where all of my money was going, and I noticed a common trend: each date was costing me around $60.  So If I was going to get laid once a week, it was on average costing me $240 a month.

That might sound like a lot of money, but it really isn’t. The key is to cut down on some of your other expenses, such as drinking beer with your boys, and never order an expensive dinner for yourself. I usually skip the appetizer and dessert, and I usually just pick out the least expensive, healthiest item on the menu. I let her order whatever she wants, and the end result is usually guaranteed sex.

I earn a decent salary, so $240 a month isn’t going to put me into the poorhouse, but I’m looking for a way to subsidize my banging.  So how do I plan on doing this?

Answer: lending club.  I have been earning on average 10 percent for the last 18 months in my lending club account. As soon as I can increase my balance up to $25,000 it will completely fund my sex life for the next decade.

Of course, depending on where you live, you may need a lot less. In some small towns you may only need $10,000-15,000 for a meal at Applebee’s or a couple slices of pizza. Or maybe your town is so shitty that you can get away with $20 of crystal meth. I don’t recommend using crystal meth of course, but that’s a regular night out for a large percentage of the United States.

So if you are in your twenties, I highly recommend you start building up your pussy fund now. Start with your emergency fund, 401k, and Roth IRA first, but then slowly start contributing to your pussy fund. Once you get into your mid-thirties, you will thank me for it.

Power out!

The Captain Power is on Twitter. Be sure to check out his books: Work Out, Lose Weight and Stop Being Single, Don’t Get Married Because You Are Tired of Drinking! The 50 New Rules of Modern Dating, and The Official Las Vegas Pool Party Workout.

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