Matt Forney
Spread the Word!

Absolutely, Positively Do Not Marry a Single Mom with a Daughter


This is a guest post by Merv the Perv.

Taking on any stepchildren at all is foolish. You’ll throw away your best years and a startling share of your time, energy, and wealth in raising up some other guy’s cuckoo’s egg. In the unlikely event that the child’s thankful for your sacrifice, it’ll be in that tacky and bloodless way that children are ever “thankful” for anything. It’s the nature of children to take adults for granted, and they’re not the ones who put themselves into the situation in the first place, after all.

More surprisingly, your American wife will be less thankful than the children, as she’ll be fully convinced that your (real or feigned) adoration of the children is a reward commensurate with the sacrifice. Not having the same biological wiring, women simply aren’t inclined to care that much about their own maternity interests and are generally more eager to outright adopt than men are. Between that biological disinclination, her inculcation of the cultural mores against valuing biological parenthood, and her simple selfish lack of concern for her partner’s interest, she’s liable to get offended by the mere prospect that you should be thanked at all.

You should be thanking her!

Perhaps you’re not concerned about siring your own offspring, and you’re not creeped out by that derisive smirk on the biological father’s face when he picks the kids up for visitation. That’s your prerogative, but if there’s a stepdaughter among the litter, you may be in for much more than you bargained for. America’s prison cells and therapists’ offices are struggling to keep up with a very common and very predictable tragic side effect of its broken home and blended family “new normal,” which very few potential stepfathers are concerned about and even fewer are actually warned about.

Sure, you can’t even fathom being attracted to that prepubescent little girl, now. Congratulations, you’re not a pedophile. In the unlikely event that you are a pedophile, then you know exactly why you’re marrying a woman with a young daughter and what you intend to do. This article isn’t about authentic pedophiles or deliberate predators, who should all be rounded up and shot, of course. This is an article for sexually and morally healthy men who are at more risk than they may realize of themselves becoming “pedophiles,” “predators,” “child molesters,” and perpetrators of “incest.”

Pause for a moment to consider that your wife is not getting any more attractive. In fact, she’s most likely at the onset of a rapid descent in both physical attractiveness and sexual energy which is a natural part of the human aging process. Meanwhile, that stepdaughter is only a few years away from blossoming into an attractive, nubile, physically mature, and sexually curious young woman who looks to you as an authority figure, obeys your command, and tests her world for boundaries.

More importantly, you weren’t around during the pivotal time window when the anti-incest instincts would have usually been imprinted on the both of you. In time, one or both of the two sexually primed primates may well fixate on the other, regardless of what either of you two ought to be feeling. Siblings raised apart often find one another intensely attracted when they meet, and—conversely—unrelated children raised very close together in the Israeli kibbutzim couldn’t bring themselves to marry one another as adults because the close contact during youth triggered their instinctive anti-incest biological mechanisms.

Let me be clear, there’s no excuse for laying your hand on a child, or even a “mature” teen or legal adult who has at any point been in a father/daughter relationship with you. While it’s indeed lamentable that so many millions of American men have found themselves ensnared in this domestic nightmare scenario, everybody’s finally accountable for their actions, regardless of how many temptations to commit the crime and opportunities to commit the crime are presented.

American wives are indoctrinated with a feminist belief that their sex lives should be on their terms, and fed a steady diet of demonstrably false popular science which alleges that female sexuality continues to increase or at least plateau in their thirties and forties. What occurs more often than not is their healthy and normal decrease in interest in sex is blamed squarely on their partner, and they gradually withdraw from the bedroom because they don’t see why they should bother to do it if they don’t feel like it.

The middle-aged stepfather’s dilemma now comes into focus. An aging, wrinkly, resentful, and frigid wife would perhaps be struggling to maintain his sexual interest if she cared, though she typically doesn’t. Her pair bonding instincts were all spent years before you even showed up, and the brief resurgence of sexuality and vitality which appeared when you were first courting has dried up (literally).

In this world, you’re the necessary beta cuckold she’s grudgingly stuck with as her sexual market value spirals, a financial provider and stand-in for all the men in college who got away, the baby daddies she’ll always share a permanent bond of shared parenthood with, and the romance novel heroes who would never allow themselves to be degraded in the way you’ve allowed her to degrade you.

But there’s another world, a whole new world, skipping down the hallway in a tank top and short shorts. She looks up to you, both literally and figuratively, in a way no adult woman who’s been around enough to know a schmuck when she sees one has ever done or will ever do. She trusts you. She admires you. She looks to you for answers, and she’s at an age where she’s increasingly looking to you rather than her mom for guidance and quality time.

Do you really want to be in that vulnerable situation? Perish the thought of actually committing a criminal or immoral act, and just ask yourself if you want to have her creeping into more and more of your masturbatory fantasies (yes, you will be almost exclusively masturbating). Ask yourself if you want to spend a decade in the presence of a big, shiny, juicy apple that you’re absolutely starving for, but will be eternally damned for if you ever take one single bite. Ask yourself if you have the profound self-discipline and willpower necessary to fully resist even in the (surprisingly likely) event that she sexually teases you for attention or to spite her mother.

Nobody ever talks about this, because it’s tremendously shameful, repugnant, taboo and awkward, but somebody needs to. Stepfamily sexual abuse has positively skyrocketed in the past decades and remains on the rise, and nobody’s willing to instigate the frank conversation about root causes. Everybody’s willing to punish the men who get caught, and I’ll help tie the noose, but it would be more constructive to strike at the root of the problem.


Root Causes

1. Stepfamilies are unnatural.

There have always been blended families, but they’ve always been the exception throughout human history rather than the rule. Stepfamilies happened less frequently, and there were stronger moral codes, firmer dress codes, and more modesty all around. Ultimately, the final solution to this problem is stable biological nuclear families with more strict moral and behavioral codes.

2. Feminist sexual norms.

Ain’t it odd how only the man’s end of the marital quid pro quo is mandatory? It’s not like the husband is welcome to cease providing for his wife and family when he has a headache, when he’s not in the mood, or when he’s miffed about something the wife said or did earlier in the week. Traditionally, women took male sexuality and the need for sexual release very seriously, and took it upon themselves (literally) to resolve the tension.

Women now perceive sex exclusively in terms of optional recreation. While a woman in her teens or early twenties may perhaps have the sexual stamina to match her teenage or twenty-something husband, married couples in their thirties tend to become hormonally mismatched in this regard. Without a deliberate effort on the part of the wife to compensate for a lack of organic sexual interest, the husband’s liable to be tempted to cheat, to develop an unhealthy pornography addiction, or worse (much worse).

3. Cougars and grave robbers.

Traditionally, husband and wife pairings were either matched in age or the husband was older than the wife. A curious phenomenon has emerged in our lopsided American sexual marketplace where young men in their twenties who aren’t willing to wait until their thirties (or aware that their options dramatically expand in their thirties) are being predated upon by women in their thirties and even forties who’ve accumulated too many blemishes, blisters, and bastards to compete for the men in their appropriate (and preferred) age range.

Do whatever floats your boat, young men. But please recognize that the more narrow the age gap between yourself and your stepdaughter, the more likely you’ll be afflicted with this private hell of sexual frustration that will make you feel like and perhaps even become a monster. Don’t do it to yourself. Unless you’re an eccentric millionaire, you’re not going find any relief or get away with it.


Pro-Tips for Perving Stepdads

First and foremost, just about anything’s better than corrupting a child who trusts and relies on you, including infidelity, visiting prostitutes, retreating into pornography, divorce, and blowing your brains out. There are, fortunately, some more constructive things one can do before blowing one’s brains out to guarantee that you do no harm.

1. Groom-proofing.

The first step is one you should be doing with your daughters, anyway. That’s groom-proofing them. “Grooming” is the term for all those insidious little things a sexual predator does to prepare the conditions for sexual predation. Teach her about the warning signs and symptoms of being groomed by an adult, without (of course!) admitting that you’re also arming her against yourself.

An important thing to do is encourage the mother and daughter to have a strong and open communication dynamic, as the wife’s awareness of what’s going on in her child’s life is the strongest antidote against her being abused. If you’ve already developed a “daddy and daughter against the bitchy mom” dynamic, then you may be in deeper than you realize. Hollywood films and the popular imagination imply that grooming is a very deliberate and diabolical thing when the culprit is typically often only dimly aware, if at all, of how all his isolated actions are part and parcel of his own reptile mind’s conspiracy against his better judgment.

2. Fucking your wife.

I know. I know. She’s a dried-up resentful asexual troll who always says “No.” Force the issue, and force yourself to both romance her and pressure her as if your life depended on it (it kinda does). Don’t rape her, of course. While marital rape would indeed be preferable to molestation, at that point your best bet is to grab your cherished belongings and escape the home altogether. The goal here is to stay out of jail and hell, not to end up in jail and hell for a different offense.



Whatever you do, don’t level with your wife about what you’re going through. Avoid this not only because she’ll respond to you in the most negative way imaginable, but she’s quite likely to also experience jealousy and resentment toward her own daughter (more than usual). Don’t level with anybody about this, even therapists. Understandably, their first interest is protecting innocent children, so they’re liable to take preemptive steps which could destroy your life even if you’re merely reaching out for assistance in coping with the fixation. And if leveling with the child has crossed your mind, then you need to bolt from the household forthwith.

You’re already a threat to her psychological safety.

It’s an unenviable situation millions of American men suffer in silence, with no enviable solutions. Hence the imperative of warning American men against marrying American women with female children in the first place. I keep emphasizing the nationality because it’s the Western feminist approach to sexuality and aging which escalates this from a mere challenge to a powder keg with its persistent disconnect in middle-aged sexual activity.

It’s generally a bad idea to marry any women with children, and generally a terrible idea to marry any women with female children especially. But to marry an American woman with female children is especially and uniquely dangerous, both for you and for her children.

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  • Tim

    Well-written and considered article on an important and delicate subject.

    Let’s see the XOzebel effort…. “Burn teh pedos!!!111!1”

  • Big Steve

    Let the hate mail FLOW through you, for it is comming..

  • bitemediscus

    You missed a couple of things –
    1. The most common type of implanted (fake) memories is that of sexual abuse. So even if it didn’t happen, your stepdaughter could remember it.
    2. Women need drama. If you are morally upstanding and are never even tempted, you are a huge beta loser and you wife may just make something up to fulfill her need for drama.

  • Yes, a morally upstanding man could very well engender resentment for not transgressing. There’s a possibility that the daughter or mother would take out their own self-loathing on you.

  • Tim

    Life imitating art?

    (Mr Garrison hating his dad for not molesting him in South Park)

  • AM

    Hey, if she’s a consenting (biological) adult…

  • Dave6034

    Sometimes the local news shows mom and stepdad both wearing orange because she *allowed* him to molest her daughter. I guess if you live in a rough neighborhood, you *really* need a man in the house, even if you have to pimp your daughter to keep him around.

  • Titan000

    Then law will still bust your ass. And possible vigilantes that know you may assault you physically.

  • AM

    American Delusion

  • AM

    Which, while horribly dark, is the frank reality of most of human civilization. Women sold their sex and servility in exchange for protection. Today’s oppression is yesterday’s practicality.

  • Snakes on a Car

    Thank you for writing about such a taboo subject.

  • It’s a shame that you cannot turn to anyone these days to help with this kind of issue. Even a pastor or priest will probably turn you into the police out of a sense of Christian duty for the “innocent” child.

    The best solution, of course, is to not marry a single mom or divorced mother. But for those already in that situation, I sympathize that this may come up.

  • TyDaMan

    Avoid single moms with kids (male or female or a combo of both)! There, problem solved. If you’re stuck with one of them single moms, then you’re fucked and the next thing you know, you have no choice but to deal with it.

  • cloudswrest

    I’ve never seen this specific issue addressed in the manosphere before and it seems obvious and important in retrospect. I think it should even have a name. How about “the Woody Allen effect?” Or how about just “the Woody effect” to be short and succinct. Other aspects of male psychology, like the Coolidge effect, have names, so how about this.

  • MajorStyles

    Let me insert the only exception to the rule.

    You are both 80 and widowed.

  • Marco

    Also stepfather hooking up with his step-daughter (or the baby-sitter) is a staple for TV shows like “Law & Order: SUV” and many of the made for TV movies on Lifetime Television. For many women, fiction is reality.

  • Zelcorpion

    In addition daughters often adore their biological father more than the faithful provider daddy. You will receive the same lack of appreciation as from the wife. You can probably bond better with a pre-emptive cuckold son than a daughter.

  • Bercel KyBer

    Amen. I don’t understand why any man would want to marry a woman with children.
    Why take on someone else’s baggage? Also, many single moms think that stepfathers should financially support their stepchildren without being able to discipline them. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I notice that many single moms try to trap their childless boyfriends with children.

  • elefunk

    You are truly a pathetic and disgusting person.

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  • Curt

    Just because daddy dearest has bounced, that does not mean that he won’t find a new girl and suddenly decide to grow a fatherly conscious. He’s got to show the new girl that he’s a responsible adult. Don’t be surprised if Mr. Apathetic doesn’t show up with a new woman (and a lawyer), weaving a tale that mean old mom just won’t let him be the father he always secretly wanted to be. Don’t be surprised if Step-mom doesn’t start telling Juniorette that her mommy is a whore and her stepdaddy (IE, you) is a scumbag. Don’t go down this path unless the daughter is very very young (so you can both develop the anti-inbreeding instincts and family ties previously mentioned), AND dad is either dead, or completely out of the picture (surrendered or had his paternal rights revoked.)

  • Joe Richards

    Possibly sound advice about stepchildren, but overall very negative look at marriage by someone who’s never been married. It hasn’t always been perfect, but have completed about 33 years of marriage and still have pretty happy relationship with my spouse. So, it’s not really a terrible thing to get married and reproduce. I also recommend believing in God and joining a Christian church to help enhance your marital experience. Believe it or not

  • kanenas101

    In the unlikely event that the child’s thankful for your sacrifice, it’ll be in that tacky and bloodless way that children are ever “thankful” for anything.

    Reading this reminds me of that recent news story where a woman was getting married, and her father had to pull the step-dad out of the audience to have her join him as they gave the young woman away.

    Sure it was a touchy moment but all I could think is, if the step-dad was such a huge part of raising this young woman, to the point where the father refers to her as “our daughter,” wouldn’t the young woman have at least insisted from the git-go that they both give her away?

  • John Hancock

    Matt, perfect post. I love you man. No homo.

  • Snarkasm

    He doesn’t like you. Stop waiting by the phone.

  • John Hancock

    Does your dear fat mother know you’re out of jail?

  • Snarkasm

    My mom is 8% body fat lol ;D I know you only fvck people with 8% but you’re probably too old for her. Plus there’s that whole fugly loser psycho thing..

  • John Hancock

    Your mom is dead then. Lol

  • Snarkasm

    I bet you’d just want her more! What a stiffy you must have by the thought.. i’m not helping you there. You’re alone as usual.

  • Almamater8

    Why a man would marry a woman with kids is beyond me. There are too many available, willing, established women who are looking for a decent guy to mess with a baby mama and all that drama.

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  • bwall

    I know this is an old story but this rings true for me but even worse. I didn’t have great dating success in my 20’s. At certain points I thought I was destined to die alone.

    I met my wife in 1998 she was 26 I was 20. She cheated on me a few months into the immigration process and subsequently fell pregnant. I withdrew my papers. I spent the next 12 years still trying to find the right one. After striking out I decided to give her another chance. She would eventually get her green card but now that daughter is 15.

    The daughter began to show signs of sexual attraction to me. And for 2 years we were locked into this battle of wills . who would be the first to break the ice of the inevitable sexual web we got stuck in. Let me prefice this by saying that no matter what you do this will inevitably happen. I kept my distance, I would try to avoid being alone with her, in the same room, wouldn’t engage in conversation unless it was necessary. When we stayed at hotels traveling to see family we would sleep the furthest apart. But despite all that we still developed a sexual attraction for one another.

    And now comes the cruelest joke of all. Without any kids of my own I’m getting the fatherhood itch. But the wife has a near zero percent chance of naturally conceiving. We don’t have the financial resources to use IVF, and by the time we did save up donor eggs would all but be inevitable. So that leaves me with the very real possibility that I may never experience fatherhood. Not by choice but circumstance. By choices others made has had profound implications on my life. The likelihood of me finding another “fertile” partner under 35 is next to nothing. Meanwhile I have an 18 year old step daughter that I know with 100% certainty would have sex with me.

    This has impacted our marriage but I hide it. I hide it because I know the blame will inevitably be put on me. Sometimes I ask myself, is this some sick cruel joke? What did I do to deserve this? What is the purpose of my life? Despite endless hours I have yet to find any answers.

    I have been putting others before myself for too long, it has always been about others thoughts and feelings. Well what about mine?

    I may very well act on this knowing full well what the consequences will be. Up till now I’ve played by the rules, went about life the right way, I don’t party, don’t do drugs, smoke or even drink very much. I’m the nice guy that finished last. That hasn’t gotten me anywhere. The wife may very well leave me but in all honesty she doesn’t bring much to the table. She makes under 20k and the only asset I have is 30k equity in our townhouse. At this point I rather be single than being tormented by these thoughts and feelings every day.

    People will say “what about the daughter/mother relationship”? The daughter is an legal adult now, she can make her own decisions. I told her it was her choice. But to see your chance at fatherhood slip away and on life support but have a willing female is too much to bear. And its cruel to expect someone to accept and deal with such conditions.