Matt Forney
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One by One, My Friends Are Dropping Out

This is a guest post by Kid Strangelove. Kid originally published this article at his own blog on June 7, 2012, but he deleted the site a while ago so he could focus on other projects. He asked me if I’d be willing to re-post some of his articles on my blog and I said yes.

It’s weird what the feelings of loneliness will do to a man, what the difference between the front you put up and the reality that you live will eventually make you choose. And my friends are choosing a mediocre life, one by one, and it seems easy.

Take my roommate, who I’ve previously mentioned is a tall, charming, 26-year old who makes more than $200,000 a year. That’s a catch if I’ve ever heard of one. Yet his love of alcohol, lack of self-love (he didn’t even have a bed for the first 5-6 months we lived together), and rejections because of his appearance have caused him to strike out with the young attractive women that we all love, and instead he landed in the arms of his new girl. She is 33, she lives on the West Coast, and she is chubby. Still, she seems to make him happy, which is all you can really ask for (and to be honest, I’m glad he’s happy). But how long can you sustain your happiness? How long before your natural shallow side takes over?

It’s easy to ignore the problem. Just ignore all the beautiful women on TV as “fake Hollywood girls that get paid to look good,” avoid the fancy nightlife neighborhoods like the Meatpacking District in NYC where hotties seem to congregate at clubs you can’t get into, spend your days isolated in an office so you can make that paper and avoid seeing those beautiful girls in the daytime when they frolic around, and finally, when you need to have a drink, go to your local bar, where it’s a sausage fest at worst, or has girls that are comparable to your own at best. See, it’s not that hard.

Until you slip.

And the slip is always sudden. It happens unexpectedly, when the caste system that is NYC nightlife is broken, and you find one or more of those super hotties who usually roam the Meatpacking clubs at your bar all of a sudden. You can tell by the nervous looks on the face of the average girls who up until the minute ago were the hottest girls in the venue: there is something else out there and it just slipped in uninvited. Usually the story ends there, as such girls rarely enter the dive bars without a male escort or 7.


But wait, there’s more!

But on some nights you see her with her friends, you see she’s wearing a Scooby Doo t-shirt that you already prepared three awesome icebreakers on, and she’s so close that you just need to turn your head to talk to her. And you say “what the heck, she’s probably a bitch anyway, let’s confirm that.” And you approach, you say your Scooby Doo line, she giggles, and you start talking about cartoons you liked as kids. And it progresses, and you talk freely, you’re happy, and before you know it, another slip happens… you unknowingly bring up topics that are a no-no around your girlfriend. You realize this a bit too late since you’ve conditioned yourself to avoid these things or else face her wrath… but what’s this? All is well, she’s cool, a cool that you almost forgot. And then…

What a mindfuck. The girl that you settled on because nothing better exists just got shown up in every single way. What do you do? I’ll leave the rest up to you, because such situations will happen, and how you make it out of them is up to you alone.

And the kicker: these guys have the audacity to give you dating advice to make you join their ranks. “Listen man, I know why you’re lonely and thinking about the meaning of life, but that’s because you date these 20-year olds. What you need is a mature woman and a more demanding job. I mean, we’re now adults, so we need to start acting like it.” Sure, bro. I’ll wait ’til you slip. Then we’ll talk. You know that as a friend, I’ll be there for you.

As for me, I think I’ll be immature for a little while. I’m not opposed to the idea of dating long term or marriage: in fact, as old school as I am, I would welcome it, but only if the girl is truly a loving loyal life partner that I can’t take my eyes off of. I could have had a summer fling that my “mature” and “adult” friends would approve of: she was 28, made $100K+ a year and lived on my block (I met her while doing a two minute drill at my local bar). The problem is that she was a 6 that refused blowjobs and I knew the slip would be imminent, especially in the summer. I’ve been there before…

I had a serious girlfriend for over a year last year. She was what a “grown-up” relationship was all about. Everyone approved, I began to settle, peeling off the layers of my former self till I was beginning to act unrecognizable… “This is the best that I can do,” I told myself. “Time to grow up.” Until that night which signaled the beginning of the end: the night I went to my local dive bar and saw the girl in the Scooby Doo t-shirt.

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