Matt Forney
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Rough vs. Soft, Part Two: Soft

This is a guest post by Kid Strangelove. Kid originally published this article at his own blog, but he deleted the site a while ago so he could focus on other projects. He asked me if I’d be willing to re-post some of his articles on my blog and I said yes.

Read First: Rough vs. Soft, Part One: Rough

“You get the kind of girls you go after.” I don’t remember who said that to me, but those words struck a chord. Or maybe I just imagined someone telling this to me? I’m not sure. But after the events I relayed in part one, I started to notice a few peculiar events happening around me:

  • My pair of married friends, who I’ve referenced before, kept doing cooler and cooler shit together, and not falling into the stereotypical marriage traps. Case in point: me, the husband and another friend all went on vacation for an extended weekend together. All of his work colleagues kept saying shit like, “How did your wife allow you to go on vacation with a notorious player friend?” Because she trusts us and we’re all cool, that’s how.
  • Two more good friends of mine were getting married. They’re about as different from the other couple as you can get, but they love each other and have always been incredibly supportive.
  • A friend of mine who happens to be a PUA instructor met a girl and fell in love with her, winning her over with sappy romantic shit and dinners.
  • And finally, Timeout New York released their list of stuff to do in the city in the summer.

That last one really hit me because I was still a hopeless romantic at heart, and I wanted a cool girl to enjoy doing all that cool shit with. These are not carefully planned first date outings, these are activities you enjoy with a partner. So I figured, what the hell, time to find a girlfriend and wine and dine her properly. After all, my current ways were getting me girls that loved being beat up and humiliated, so something had to change.

I knew that this approach was high risk based on past experience, but I also wasn’t the same sappy kid I used to be, before the last time I tried dating like a gentleman. I had experience, attitude and swagger. I figured that I have amassed enough of it to be that perfect combination of “cool” and “gentleman” that would lead to incredible results. And, to be honest, I missed certain things about my ex: having someone care for you, share your struggles and successes with, someone you can just cuddle and will make your worries go away immediately. I was ready.

Watch out ladies: the confident yet caring man of your dreams was on the loose.

It went exactly like you would expect.

3 different girls, each one of them taken on dates, each one of them properly talked to and texted, each one of them treated like women say they want to be treated when you read stupid shit on PinterestNow, let’s see the stats.

  • Girl number one: 24-year old aspiring writer that worked for a publishing company. Went on four dates. Lots of makeouts, no sex. She told me after the fourth date that I was a bit too serious for her tastes and she was looking for something more casual. She actually paid for a few things along the way and I could kind of see that we weren’t a good match.
  • Girl number two: 22-year old i met on OkCupid. We messaged each other for nearly a month, but her work commitments combined with my commitments to go to my friend’s wedding kept delaying our meetup. On the day of our first date, she cancelled on me ten minutes before. I played the understanding gentleman card and met up with her for lunch on a weekend. We had a fantastic lunch date and made arrangements to see each other again. She never contacted me after that.
  • Girl number three: 26-year old that works in fashion and was training for a fitness competition (if you follow me, you know I love fitness chicks). This was the single best first date I’ve ever had. We ate, played mini-golf, and made like sixty different stops around Manhattan to hang out. We were practically finishing each others’ sentences. That night a friend of mine was going to a birthday event, so we tagged along, where she proceeded to make nice with all of my friends. Multiple exact plans to hang out were made. We made out. I was preparing to delete all the numbers I acquired that week. The next day, I get a text saying that she’s not really ready to date right now because her work and training were taking up all of her time. I’m devastated… for about an hour. I then realize that it’s time to put an end to this masochistic experience.

I can already hear people saying “but three girls isn’t a big enough sample size!” And they’re right: it isn’t. But I live in Manhattan and my living expenses are high, so I had to stop this shit for my wallet’s sake.

So, what can we learn from this sample? Well, let’s look at the numbers and statistics:

  • 0 or 0%: The amount of times I had sex and the percentage of these girls that I’ve had sex with. Being a gentleman did not get me laid.
  • 1 or 33%: the number of times I got a second date after being a gentleman. This is the truly shocking number, as two of those girls wanted nothing to do with me after I took them out gentleman style. Being a gentleman barely gets you second dates. These girls didn’t even want to hang out and have me spend more money on them.
  • 2 or 66%: The girls I made out with. The makeout did not guarantee anything: the first girl I went out with a few more times, the second dropped me completely the next day.
  • 3 or 100%: The girls I made plans to hang out with in the future before they broke it off or ceased communication, all by text (or lack thereof). Gentlemen are not the dumpers, they are the dumpees. The course of the relationship was completely out of my hands. Note that all of these girls were attracted to me enough to go on a date with me in the first place, but my actions resulted in me being dumped each time.

The youngest and hottest of these girls also gave it to me the worst: the 22-year old cancelled on me last minute, was late to our lunch date, didn’t pay or offer to pay for anything, didn’t make out with me, and didn’t answer calls or texts after that day. Gentlemen don’t punish girls for bad behavior, and it was paid back tenfold.

The oldest, most compatible girl pushed me aside because of her career: like I said, I have never been on a better first date. We were finishing each others’ sentences, we were completely compatible, we made each other think… but in the end she brushed me off because my eagerness to get to know her better would have interfered with her career and training, and she just couldn’t have that.

It was a mess. A giant sexless, expensive mess that I had absolutely no desire to continue. No wonder all the people that dated regularly constantly worked on their careers: it’s incredibly money-consuming to date like a gentleman.

So I was stuck at a crossroads: I hated witnessing the vile nature of human relationships when I was running my game, but I also hated the celibacy and monetary los associated with being a gentleman. There seemed to be no right way, just a choice between the lesser of two evils. Which one was I going to choose?

To be continued…

Read Next: Rough vs. Soft, Part Three: Fun and Expectation

  • greenlander

    Kid Strangelove was just going for the wrong demographic. You can use these techniques on women in their 40s and they work fine!

  • Matt: Link to part three at the bottom is incorrect.