Matt Forney
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Wisconsin Campaign Dispatch, Part 2: Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly Have Open-Faced Cuban Sandwich

For the finale to my Wisconsin campaign coverage, I sojourned up to Madison to cover a Ted Cruz town hall hosted by Fox News’ premier newsbimbo, Megyn Kelly. I then hoofed it over to Milwaukee to catch a Donald Trump rally. In the process, I scored a VIP invitation to a taping of Sean Hannity’s show, where he interviewed both the man himself and his wife Melania.

The Cruz event was a profoundly irritating experience. Due to Fox News’ regulations (the town hall was being taped as part of Kelly’s show, The Kelly File), I was banned from recording video of the event. Roughly 500 Social Security-collecting Republicucks crowded into the Madison Masonic Temple to watch Megyn Kelly ask Ted Cruz about how Donald Trump is a big meanie head.

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The only noteworthy things that came out of Cruz’s mouth were his continued refusal to deny that he cheated on his wife (saying that the National Enquirer story is “garbage” is not a denial) and his triangulating on the issue of abortion. On top of claiming that Trump is “afraid of strong women” (an actual quote), Cruz declared that while he would ban abortion if he becomes president, he wouldn’t punish the women who get abortions.

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The town hall featured a guest appearance by Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who dejectedly walked on stage and swallowed all two inches of Cruz’s sausage in front of a live studio audience. After Kelly was done recording, he was joined by Heidi Cruz, Carly Fiorina and Utah Senator Mike Lee for the most hilariously repulsive political celebrity Rat Pack in American history.

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Despite the fact that the event was held in Madison—Wisconsin’s capital of shitlib insanity—the only protesters at the event were a pair of John Kasich supporters.

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After washing the grime off, I hit the road to Milwaukee for the Trump rally. While I was in line, a cute blonde came up to us and asked us if we wanted to sit in as VIPs for Sean Hannity’s show. Naturally, I jumped at the opportunity and was led over to the Pabst Theater a few blocks away. After a Q&A session where Hannity regaled the crowd with incredibly bad jokes and ass-kissing, we got to watch him interview Trump and Melania.

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Like with the Ted Cruz event, we weren’t allowed to film anything. While I dislike Hannity, I’ll give him credit for both supporting Trump and running his show with a modicum of professionalism… compared to Megyn Kelly, anyway.

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After Hannity was done, I was able to make it back to the Milwaukee Theatre in time for the rally to start. The attendance was sparse by Trump’s standards: only about 1,500 to 2,000 people, and the bottom floor of the auditorium was only two-thirds full. Even more shocking, there were zero protesters. Then again, Bernie Sanders was holding a rally nearby, so he presumably lured off all the parasites.

I wrap up the day’s events and also give my predictions for the Wisconsin primary in the following video:

My written account of what happened is here.

With the Badger State voting today, this will conclude my Wisconsin campaign coverage. I’m still raising money to cover the New York primary in two weeks, and I need to receive at least $2,000 by Friday, April 8 in order to do so. If you’re interested in donating, click here for more information. I greatly appreciate any and all support you can provide, and I thank those who’ve donated already.

Read Next: Wisconsin Campaign Dispatch, Part 1: Bernie Sanders’ Fans Want to Shoot Donald Trump