February 2013 - Matt Forney

Bang Colombia: How to Sleep with Colombian Women in Colombia by Roosh V

Long before Roosh was searching for poosy paradise in the darkest corners of eastern Europe, he was traveling across South America seeking to crack the code that is Latin women. Bang Colombia is the very first travel guide he ever published, and it remains one of his more interesting due to its in-depth analysis of one of the continent’s most overlooked countries.

When most Americans think of Colombia, they think of either cocaine or the decades-long civil war that’s been slow-boiling in the country’s jungles. They also know that it’s supposedly one of the most dangerous places to travel in Latin America. Thing is, most Americans are stupid, as Roosh goes into detail about the reality on the ground:

Whenever someone “jokes” with me about getting kidnapped in Colombia, I know they’re an idiot who has probably never stepped outside of the United States. Kidnapping should be your absolute last concern. You have a bigger chance of killing yourself in a bathtub or choking on a jellybean, but if you want to go on an unguided tour in parts of the jungle where the FARC are known to have a presence, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to make out a will beforehand.

But what are the women like? If you’re looking for passionate girls with curvy bodies and Catholic hangups, Colombia’s your place:

The Colombian girl is definitely not afraid of falling in love quickly and would rather do so than “play the field” like American girls (consider that in Colombia there’s no word for “dating” or “seeing” someone—you’re either a friend or a boyfriend). Since she’s more nervous about losing her man, she’ll be better tuned to serving your emotional and physical needs, assuming two things: (1) she’s at least twenty-one years old and has prior experience with men, and (2) you keep your game tight by remaining aloof and only slightly caring.

Unfortunately, Colombian girls are not only jealous and nosy, they’re flaky as all hell and difficult to approach due to the country’s second world status. You’ll have to pull out all the stops if you want your flag, including making use of the dreaded Internet, ordinarily the refuge of the socially stunted and unfuckable. If you’re a day game kind of guy, Colombia is ideal for you because it’s one of the few countries where it’s unequivocally superior to going to the bars.

My biggest disappointment with Bang Colombia is that it lacks the personal stories that Roosh usually includes with his travel guides. Given that this was his first one, though, that’s forgivable. If you’re interested in laying the women of this intriguing country, you’ll want to pick up Bang Colombia ASAP.

Click here to buy Bang Colombia.

Bang Poland: How to Make Love to Polish Women in Poland by Roosh V

How many times have you heard some variant of this argument in the manosphere:

“I HATE having to be a cocky, arrogant asshole, but that’s what the girls want me to be. I’d be perfectly happy being a nice guy, a husband and a father, but women these days are mentally ill sluts, not worth marrying.”

My advice: don’t turn it into a drinking game. You’ll be dead within two hours.

As the old saw goes, if you deny reality, it will quickly work against you. You can either stand athwart history sniffling about how the world won’t conform to your expectations, or you can adapt. The women of America and the West in general expect their men to be borderline sociopathic, aloof jerks, so that’s what men are becoming. And given that the women themselves are overweight, masculinized nags, it’s not like you’re going to be able to live the 2.5 children and white picket fence dream, unless you want to raise obese, overmedicated defectives.

Surely there’s a way out, a land where women are women and still like their men manly but gentle.

Everyone’s favorite globe-hopping player, Roosh, has found the Holy Grail of femininity. After leaving South America in ruins, getting blackout drunk with Icelandic girls and surviving the feminist hell that is Denmark, he landed in Poland to discover cute, big-bosomed girls who not only wanted to sleep with him, but make him breakfast the morning after. What was a planned one-month stay became seven, with Bang Poland being the result.

If you’re sick of mannish sluts and are looking for a woman you might actually want to be the mother of your children, you must read this book.

Eastern Europe is widely acknowledged as the closest things to poosy paradise on earth; it seems economic Marxism does a good job of insulating cultures from the cultural Marxism that’s destroyed the West. But all the big countries—Russia, the Czech Republic, Latvia—have been picked clean since the fall of the Wall. Poland is the one former Iron Curtain country that’s (largely) evaded notice from the stag parties and mail order bride-seeking sleazebags:

A Polish girl gets pleasure if you’re experiencing pleasure, similar to the vibe of Brazilian women. It may not come early in the relationship, but don’t be surprised if down the line she does things to show that she wants to take care of you. I loved it whenever a Polish girl would insist on cleaning my house, offering to cook for me, or making genuine offers to take care of me when I was sick. Trust me when I say that it never got old. The result of that nurturing trait is that it becomes obvious she’d make a great mother. I dated a couple Polish girls that made me think, “If I were to have a kid, I’d want to have it with her.” That thought has never occurred to me when dating in the United States. Polish women made me want to be a provider—a strong man who could maintain a home and take care of her financially.

It’s folk wisdom that a misogynist is nothing more than a jilted romantic, and Bang Poland reinforces this. Roosh has a rep for being abrasive yet truthful about women, but his stay in Poland melted his seemingly icy heart:

I got sloppy in Poland, blasting inside many a Polish girl. Subconsciously I wanted to impregnate them because I knew that my bloodline would be taken care of by a good mother. Maybe in fifteen years I’ll get a knock on the door from a hairy Polish person who claims I’m his father. That would be cool.

It’s not perfect, though. Beyond Poland’s relatively bland culture and unenjoyable winter weather, the dating culture is far more conservative than most Americans are used to. Don’t expect to get your notch the same night you meet a girl. Still, given the sweetness and womanliness of Polish girls, why would this deter you? Are you mad? Do you enjoy hanging around crazy sluts?

If you’re more of a patriarch than a player, you owe it to yourself to pick up Bang Poland. America may suck, but there’s still a glimmer of hope out there on the Eastern front.

Click here to buy Bang Poland.

Don’t Bang Denmark: How to Sleep with Danish Women in Denmark (if You Must) by Roosh V

How many times have you heard this line from women and manboobs:

“You should be thankful for feminism because without it, you wouldn’t be able to sleep around.”

Of course, the effect that feminism has on the quality of the women we get to sleep around with is never discussed; it’s always assumed that quantity is the only thing that matters. Case in point: the feminist utopia of Denmark, where you can get all the slutty sex you want without fear of “judgement,” but where the women are poorly-dressed, hideous harridans more concerned with belittling you for being a man than being decent human beings.

In Roosh’s first “hater travel guide,” Don’t Bang Denmark, he lays into everything wrong with the most ignorable nation in Scandinavia: high prices, boring people, weak nightlife, and the bizarre social convention known as Jante Law. And of course, the women:

Even the style of Danish women is atrocious. They dress frumpy and dumpy, as if they just checked out of a homeless shelter. For some reason, these girls are big fans of dirty black military-style boots, turd-green or brown jackets (sometimes with a German flag on it), loose clothing, baggy jeans or MC Hammer parachute pants, and mismatched scarves or grandma shawls. Their favorite color is brown, since anything feminine like pink is sexist and breaks Jante Law. They step up their style game at night, but during the day they look like absolute hell. There seems to be a competition on how plain and unattractive they can make themselves.

If you want to get laid in Denmark, you better learn to shut your mouth and nod along with the stupid liberal shit that Danish women make on a regular basis. In other words, you’ll have to surrender your masculinity and your balls. This forced castration got so bad for Roosh near the end of his stay that he started flat-out insulting the girls he met instead, for no other reason than to ruin their nights:

I constrained my alphaness as much as possible when I wanted to fuck, but I furiously unleashed it when a mediocre girl tried to assert her superiority over either me or my country. I’m not a patriotic American, but I let those bitches have it by elevating my voice, pointing my finger at them in an aggressive manner, and using sound logic to destroy their arguments. The look on their faces was priceless because up to that point no one in their entire lives had ever used the phrase “you’re wrong.” Even though many nights I went home alone and jerked off (after briefly considering whether or not I should bang the hot Russian prostitute), I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

Like Roosh’s other travel guides, Don’t Bang Denmark is rounded out with a story section detailing his adventures there.

If for some reason you’re contemplating a trip to Denmark, or you just want a funny and scathing piece of sociology, Don’t Bang Denmark is a must read.

Click here to buy Don’t Bang Denmark.

30 Bangs: The Shaping of One Man’s Game from Patient Mouse to Rabid Wolf by Roosh V

Roosh’s Bang is easily the best resource out there for men who want to improve their dating life, but the book isn’t exactly heavy on examples of its methods in action. For that, you’ll have to turn to 30 Bangs, a memoir/short story collection that does what its name implies: details thirty of the women Roosh has slept with since he started playing the game over a decade ago.

From a pure didactic standpoint, 30 Bangs is helpful as it covers a wide breadth of situations that the prospective player could encounter. Roosh deliberately chose each story because they each have something different to offer; you won’t feel like you’re reading the same tale over and over again:

She must’ve had a sex dream. In the middle of the night she woke up and started making out with me passionately. I started to play with her boobs and then took her shirt off. I tried to unsnap her bra with two hands, but I failed due to my inexperience.

As a pure literary exercise, 30 Bangs is entertaining but falls far short of greatness due to its lack of narrative structure. Aside from being organized in chronological order (starting from Roosh’s first bangs to his recent trip to South America in 2009-2010), there’s nothing to string the stories together. While each tale is entertaining on its own, I was left pining for a greater story to tie them all together:

I can’t remember much of what was said because it was one of those painful interactions where she made so many inane and idiotic statements about astrology, art, and romance that my brain refused to remember it. The formula of our conversation went something like this: she’d say something stupid; I’d cringe and die a little on the inside before making fun of her in a humorous, sexist way; and finally she’d playfully hit me and move a little closer. I was becoming skilled at tolerating stupid girls long enough to beat their pussies up in bed. Since she had a nice body with a tomato ass, I decided a little pain now would be worth a lot of pleasure later.

I personally would love to see Roosh write an actual Paraguay-style memoir about his life on the D.C. player circuit, but 30 Bangs is an adequate substitute… for now.

Click here to buy 30 Bangs.